


Crumble like Rome (for me)

by ninagum



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Borderline Personality Disorder, Cheating, Divorce, Fluff, For the thirsty ones smut is chapter 13, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, M/M, Narusasu mainship!!, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Divorce, Shameless Smut, Smut, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, sex therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninagum/pseuds/ninagum
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha is a famous psychiatrist. Even though his success is recognized everywhere, his marriage isn't going that well and he is not very good with emotions. Until Sakura finally decides to get them an appointment to one of the best sex therapists in the country, Naruto Uzumaki, placed in Konoha, a far away town from their own.As much as Sasuke tries, the ghost of his past-fling won’t leave him alone. How do you have a man whose heart you broke, mend yours?(updated almost daily)(contains backstories)
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 145
Kudos: 147
Collections: Foxy fox 🦊





	1. The first appointment

**Author's Note:**

> !Cheating  
> The main ship is narusasu, obvi' ^^  
> This will contain some dark stuff (but not extreme) as it goes on.  
> If you'd like more chapters, let me know~~~~
> 
> Edit: my twitter is @ninagum2! Just made it if anyone wants to interact with me because i heard that’s a thing (i need naruto friends pls), get updates abt my stories and see naruto/sasunaru memes

”We cannot keep this going.”

Their apartment is quiet, aside from Sakura’s soft sobs. She’s sitting at the kitchen table in their recently-bought studio, planted next to the seaside. Sasuke is leaning against the kitchen counter, rolling his cigarette between his slender fingers and looking anywhere but at Sakura. He never liked seeing her like this. However, he doesn’t think he’s guilty of it all the time. Sakura had been sensitive ever since they met. Given the fact that he is her High School crush, Sasuke deemed it normal that she would be so afraid to lose him, but it was not the same on his side, which is why he couldn’t fully empathize with her feelings at all times. 

Sasuke takes a drag from his cigarette and tilts his head back as he lets the smoke leave his lungs through his nose, while closing his eyes and hoping that they would call this a night. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Sakura says, almost breathless, wiping her bright green eyes with the sleeve of her nightgown. The red contrasts beautifully with her pale skin, but Sasuke wouldn’t mind it. If he was a teenager again, maybe he would be excited, but growing up had made him realize that sex was not such a big deal and he doesn’t really miss it.

Sasuke takes another drag of his cigarette, before putting it out in the ashtray. He has smoked three so far. 

“I told you. There’s nothing between us, we’re just work buddies,” Sasuke says finally, breaking the silence. It was so quiet that when he first uttered that, it startled her. 

She looks up at him with hopeful eyes, but she doesn’t know how to believe. This frustrates the brunet even more, because he knows that he is telling the truth. However, Sakura never believes him. 

Few more minutes pass by and Sakura stands up, wrapping her arms around herself and looking down. Seeing her like this, even with Sasuke’s pride, made him ache, as much as he doesn’t like to admit it. Smelling like cigarettes from top to bottom, with dark circles under his eyes from working so much, Sasuke decides to follow Sakura to the bedroom.

Their studio was prettily arranged. It felt like they were on their honey moon again, except this was the result of their hard work. Sasuke worked as a psychiatrist, which is why Sakura was so mad with him in the first place—he’s able to treat so many people, and yet he is the one who is uncommunicative. Sakura knows that he is just administering medication, but that doesn’t mean he cannot possibly know what to do with her when she feels like this. The green haired girl was never pretentious, but maybe demanding so much from Sasuke is what set things off to begin with. She wants a life with him, though, as paranoid as she might be at time. She is not going to give him up and she promised that to herself so long ago.

“Hey,” Sasuke starts, as Sakura gets into bed and pulls the blanket over her shoulders. “I know you’re mad right now, and this isn’t making it better, but,” Sasuke gulps, knowing that he might just be shown another rage and crying fit, “I actually need to be at the hospital in like, one hour.”

“So you’re letting me spend the night alone,” Sakura says from under the blanket, curling up into herself. 

“I can’t help it,” Sasuke says, much calmer now. He achieved some kind of peace when he saw Sakura head for the bedroom, because that’s how she always apologized to him—silently. “I have to get going. Kakashi called earlier on, but I just didn’t have the time to tell you about it.”

This only makes Sakura believe that the brunet is cheating on her even more. She cannot just grasp the subject, not even a bit, not even at all—sometimes she wonders if she’s losing her mind and this love is actually consuming her, but something about Sasuke doesn’t let her let go of him. Not when they’ve been married for just about three years, and she is pregnant with his kid. Another piece of news which she hasn’t got around to tell him and she knows that Sasuke will react badly, as he has expressed his unwillingness to have children right now. He was still young—even though he was about twenty-eight years old, he still didn’t feel like he was mature enough for that. 

“Wait,” Sakura suddenly sits up and eyes the brunet. He’s at the wardrobe, attempting to pick some clothes. In about thirty minutes he has to be downstairs, as a long drive is waiting for him. He didn’t normally have night shifts, but this was an emergency, as Kakashi put it. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, but…”

Sasuke stops in his tracks, looking at her from over his shoulders with an unreadable expression.

Sakura takes a deep breath. Her eyes are still swollen from earlier. 

“What’s that about?” Sasuke tries to nudge her to keep going, but she keeps quiet. He sighs. “Last time I checked, I don’t read minds, Sakura.”

“I… I just thought we should see like—a psychologist or something.”

Sasuke turns to face her.

Their bedroom is prettily decorated with plastic flowers, because none of them were so much at home in order to take care of them. Sasuke was especially fond of flowers, unlike people would believe. Ever since he was a little kid, he liked the exotic types and wished his house would look more like a garden. That was about one of the few sensible sides of Sasuke that Sakura has ever seen. 

“Alright, anything else?” Sakura’s eyes go wide. 

“I thought you wouldn’t agree,” a smile grows on her pink lips and Sasuke actually reciprocates the smile, which makes her even more surprised. Weirdly enough, Sasuke is only calm when he’s about to go to work, even though he’s treating mental illnesses. He’s got in pretty good fights from patients before, he even came back home with a swollen eye. Sakura seriously appreciates his efforts, even though she wishes that they’d at least have one thing in common. This is where she doesn’t understand how Sasuke even proposed to her. It might stay as a mystery. 

“Nothing, I’m just glad you accepted,” she grins. “Actually, you would have had to agree anyway, because I already sorted our appointment out.”

“I gotta go,” Sasuke got dressed in the meantime. “But text me the details and I’ll try my best to come back at you.”

Sasuke wasn’t the greatest husband in the entire world, but he was not toxic and that was certain. He knew that Sakura was really sensitive, which is why he tried to reassure her sometimes to the best of his capacity, even though it would mean to step on his pride when it wasn’t even his fault to begin with while she was accusing him of things he never even imagined he would be able to do. But he got used to her. She was the only girl who had been with him back then, when—

“Okay, love,” Sakura says, now all giddy. Sasuke has gotten used to her mood switches. It scared him a little at first, but now it’s nothing out of the ordinary. 

“Take care,” he plants a kiss on her forehead before heading out of their bedroom. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Sakura drifts off to sleep right after sending her promised text message to her husband. She’s tired and she has work tomorrow. A new line of designers have come forward with the plans for the next business and she has to keep up with their standards. As a fashion editor, she hasn’t had time for anything else, such as trying to develop her own business, but she was getting there. 

She promised to herself that she would take things one by one. That’s the plan. But first, she has to settle things right with Sasuke.

\--

Sasuke arrives at the hospital. Kakashi is waiting for him at the front door, with a frown upon his forehead. Sasuke smiles awkwardly, scratching his head as he steps out of his car and locks it. “I’m sorry for being late, had some trouble back there.”

“Apologies are old-fashioned, I only accept cash,” Kakashi jokes to which Sasuke lets loose and laughs for the first time in a few days. Being close with Sakura, even though he loved her, drained him most of the time. It hadn’t always been like that, but things just got out of hand. 

“Let’s go, we’ve got quite a few patients to take care of. I want you to check out this girl that was just brought in by her parents,” Kakashi points his finger to the emergency room, where a slim girl is currently getting out of an ambulance. Her parents speed desperately after the ambulance. 

“Another suicide threat,” Sasuke mutters, more to himself than to Kakashi. He would be able to recognize these even from three kilometers far. It’s not his first, nor his last patient like that. In fact, these were most common.

He still hasn’t seen Sakura’s text message for the details, but he doesn’t have time for that currently. 

Kakashi and Sasuke walk into the huge building. The hospital is truly ripped off modern times, with all sorts of technology that would prevent patients from running away or hurting themselves. They took some necessary safety measures after they’ve had a suicide attempt happen right at the hospital and they promised themselves that it would never happen again. And it hasn’t, so far. Kakashi did a pretty good job, given the fact that he was the director and the primary doctor in the centre. Sasuke, serving as a psychiatrist, would administer medication and write reports. But the hard part was on Kakashi, with the administration and all of the bills that needed to be paid. 

Sasuke is introduced with the girl in question and he looks at her little frame. While questioning her parents, Sasuke learns that the girl is a minor who has been hospitalized even in the past, but there was no improvement, no matter how much they tried. Sasuke shivers at that. He’s never had a patient die on him so far and he seriously wishes it will never happen. 

The night grows old and the dawns are creaking when Sasuke is writing his reports, while listening to two very concerned parents, sat on each side of the girl’s. After that, Sasuke has to recommend her a therapist inside the building for a psychometric test, consisting of one hundred questions. They have to figure out a temporary diagnosis in order to know what medication to opt for. Sasuke was pretty good with his recommendations—he’s never failed before, no matter how tired he was. But he loves helping people, especially people with scarred souls, who seem even more innocent to him than anyone else around. 

After a few hours, that the girl has taken the test, she is sent back to Sasuke’s cabinet, this time by herself. She observes the walls almost as if she wasn’t there at all, almost as if she was the paintings hung upon the walls. 

“Hey,” Sasuke starts soothingly, placing his papers to his right. “I am going to be very clear with you from the beginning. You will have to be hospitalized for a while, probably for around two weeks. We need to run more tests. But the time will pass quickly, you’ll see.”

Sasuke doesn’t receive any reaction from the girl, but that was expected. She looks scared and little sitting on the couch. 

“I’m going to have you take Cipralex at first. It’s a light antidepressive, with barely any side effects, this is what we’re going to start with. What you must know is that no visitors are allowed and we have to keep your phone away from you—you can only call family at certain hours,” Sasuke explains in a still tone, looking over at the girl intently. Patients who seem totally broken like that, ripped out of reality… They really took a toll on him, but being a professional, he must not show it. 

“You can go now. Third room on the left, a nurse is waiting for you outside. Her name is Hinata,” Sasuke grins, “I’m sure you’ll get along well. She’ll be with you for the meds, outside of the time that you’re seeing me.”

The girl nods suddenly. Sasuke is surprised. 

“Alright, then. You can go. Rest a bit,” he says. Usually, he wasn’t friendly with patients, but this girl was barely seventeen. He didn’t want to scare her more than she already was. 

The girl forgets that she has to leave the cabinet and Hinata comes inside to get her. “Thank you, Sasuke-kun. I’ll take it from here,” Hinata says, getting her black hair out of her eyes as she guides the girl down the corridor. 

Sasuke lets a final sigh as he drops back into his seat. He is absolutely exhausted. It’s about 9am and he still hasn’t had lunch. He can only dream of getting home and jumping on the bed and—

Oh, shit. Right. Sakura made an appointment for today. Fuck. 

Sasuke almost jumps out of his seat looking for his phone. When he finally finds it and takes it out, the message pops on the screen. Oh fuck. He had to be home one hour ago to get Sakura. Their appointment is two hours away, with one hour and a half’s drive. Shit. And it’s prepaid too, Sasuke curses in his head. If they don’t show up, they surely won’t get a refund. He gathers up his stuff, gets rid of his white mantle and excuses himself to Kakashi, saying that he should have Shikamaru take over for now. 

\--

“Fucking Konoha,” Sasuke mutters angrily, with Sakura in the passenger seat. By the speed they’re going at, Sakura is surprised that they’re not dead yet. “Why did you get us an appointment in another town?”

“Because it’s the best doc’ in the country in that respect. Sex and love therapists are hard to find, you know… with all the taboos—going on—“ Sakura’s speech is interrupted as they basically fly over the road. Sasuke is going so fast that Sakura wonders if her parents can even afford funeral services right now, because they might need them soon.

“Oh my fucking God—“ Sasuke curses again. His eyebrows are furrowed and his dark circles have grown even deeper. Outside of the fact that he’s driving in full speed, he’s also smoking with the window open. Sakura is almost ready to start the prayers. Angry Sasuke was impatient, always. 

With Sasuke’s devilish speed, they arrive in Konoha about twenty minutes later. The one hour and a half has deemed down to only 40 minutes as Sasuke threw a fit. Sakura can’t say she hates it, because she is not the most patient person either. Maybe that’s why they couldn’t get along. 

The walk to the therapist’s office isn’t far away from the entrance in the town. Sasuke carefully parks his car somewhere safe, because having a problem with the authorities would be the last thing he’d wish for today, and then opens the door to Sakura’s side. Poor girl, when she walks out, she almost loses balance. Sasuke sustains her by the waist and shakes his head. He didn’t even go that fast, though, or so he believes.

Sakura leads the way because she is the one with the full on address and name, but Sasuke asks about none of that, even though he’s sure he’s read them in the text—he just didn’t remember them at all. Hell, he didn’t even wish to be here especially right now. He didn’t want to be drop dead tired when they saw their therapist, he wanted to make a good impression. But that dream is gone for now. He just wants to get it over with. 

“We’re here,” Sakura says. She seems happy, or so Sasuke thinks so. The light of Konoha is different from the seaside. The air here is not salty, but rather flowery, warm. It’s familiar and friendly, unlike the artificial sights they were faced with back at their studio. 

“Great, how much until we go in?” 

“About five minutes,” Sakura says and goes to hug Sasuke. Sasuke hugs her back, moving his hand up and down her waist comfortingly, but his face doesn’t let any emotions show. He’s tired, he’s hungry, he’s everything but ready to see the damn therapist. If this wasn’t hell…

“Good morning,” a voice suddenly chirps and Sasuke notices a smell of strong cologne in the air passing by his shoulder and going right past him. “I suppose you’re the lucky ones,” the man who just passed by chuckles. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting, but this was actually lunch break.”

Sasuke, who wasn’t paying attention, lets go of his wife and turns on his kneels to face whoever was talking. He notices a tall, blond man, not necessarily muscular, but rather lean, standing in front of them with an almost stupid grin on his face. However, what takes Sasuke aback is his gaze. The brunet has never seen two blue eyes so deep, so intense and so focused. The sound made them look almost grey. This couldn’t be—

“Have we met before?” Sasuke asks. He doesn’t think this is the therapist. 

The blond man looks him up and down, mimics confusion by touching his chin and looking away. “Uh… I don’t think we have. Oh, I’m sorry—I’m such an idiot. My name’s Naruto Uzumaki. Nice to meet you.”

Sasuke nods briefly. The said Naruto raises an eyebrow at him, which Sasuke takes as disrespect. Who is this guy?

“Hi, I’m Sakura Uchiha, and this is my husband, Sasuke,” Sakura brushes past the brunet and brings her hand forward for Naruto to shake. But, instead of shaking her hand, like the gentleman he is, Naruto brings it up to his mouth and kisses it as a greeting. Sakura thinks this is the best opportunity to make Sasuke jealous, but he doesn’t even bat an eyelash. He’s too tired to be jealous, friendly, anything at all. He just wants to sleep. 

“Let’s go in, shall we?” Naruto suggests, and then leads them into the elegant building, made up of two floors. Outside of sex therapy, it was a psychology clinic after all. Sasuke was surprised to see that. He doesn’t remember whether he’s ever recommended this clinic to any of his patients. 

The room where everything should take place, from the so called interview, is pretty spacious and smart-looking. Naruto sits on the armchair, and crosses his legs, pulling out a pair of glasses from a drawer that’s closest to the armchair which he puts on the bridge of his nose. He flips through a few cards until he finds the names he was looking for. 

“Alright, Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha, is that it?” the ones in question nod. Naruto stands up to close the door so the three of them can have more intimacy, as the politics revolved around. “So, first, I would like to know a bit more about your backgrounds, since this is the first time we’ve met.”

As Naruto talks, his glasses slip further down his nose, and his blond hair falls just in the right places on his forehead, messy. He’s probably went out to eat before. Wait. Why was Sasuke distracted by this?

“Mr. Uchiha—“ he’s taken aback by Naruto glancing at him. Apparently, he has repeated Sasuke’s name for quite a few times now. “I was asking about your past relationships.”

“Oh, we moved on from backgrounds?” Sasuke asks. 

“Yes, a while back, and you also refused to talk about it and that’s fine,” Naruto pulls his glasses off and gives Sasuke a grin. “Now, back to the subject. We have about thirty minutes left of the consultation. Try to pay attention. From how your wife described your situation, it’s not all flower power,” Naruto’s tone is becoming more serious as he speaks. Sasuke feels his stomach churn. Why is he suddenly intimidated? Who is this guy?

“Past relationships…” Sasuke repeats almost as if no one is in there with him. 

“Let’s start with sexuality. If you’re not comfortable with this, Mrs. Uchiha can leave the room for a bit.”

Sasuke knows that if he actually talked about it, it would stir Sakura’s concern even more. Because when Sasuke was a teenager, he has had quite a fair share of boyfriends, as well as girlfriends. He couldn’t really keep count on them, especially since, when he was about twenty years old, he’d only engage in one night stands. 

“Mrs. Uchiha, please,” Naruto starts after silence settles in. He’s going to take this decision on himself, because Sasuke clearly wasn’t able to. “Leave us alone for a bit.”

“Oh, su-sure,” Sakura laughs awkwardly, before standing up from her chair and swaying her hips as she walks out of the room. 

“Good,” Naruto finally breathes, lying back in his armchair. It looked comfortable, or so Sasuke thought it did. For a little while, he inspect the other’s features. His blue eyes, even here where the light is actually quite dim because of the curtains, are still so blue he might just drown in them. His whole body is tensed up. He doesn’t like this. 

“I’ve had commitment issues before, but I didn’t cheat, I just—“

“Sasuke,” it’s the first time that Naruto addresses him by his first name. When he glances at Naruto, the blond is smiling softly. “We were talking about sexuality.”

“Why would that be important?” Sasuke asks, suddenly irritated. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep after all. 

“It’s not. I just need data on the both of you since it’s your first consultation. I need to start somewhere, y’know?” Naruto actually seems flustered now, and Sasuke smiles at that.

What the fuck? 

What was with this connection?

The brunet pushes the dark locks out of his face. It’s getting warmer and warmer in this room. Or maybe it’s just his anxiety building up. He doesn’t like to talk about himself. 

“I’m… bisexual, I guess.”

“I see,” Naruto says. I knew, that he doesn’t say. “Any major breakdowns or traumas regarding relationships before you met Sakura?” Naruto is actually taking notes down. He uncrosses his legs and spreads them. The glasses are long gone, he just can’t stand them slipping down his nose. 

Naruto is wearing the same color as the walls in the clinic: orange. The floor has red tiles. Sasuke ponders on this combination for a bit. He never thought he’d be in the position of the patient—now he understands why everyone avoids all of his questions, even though he’s a psychiatrist and not a psychologist. 

“No, but I messed up with a dude once,” it’s everything that Sasuke says. “Too bad I don’t remember whom. I’ve had… an alcohol problem before.” 

He sees Naruto tense up before him. 

“I hope I’m not oversharing—“

“No—“ Naruto says, glancing up again. Sasuke swears he can see some darkness in those blue eyes now. “That’s understandable, go on please.”

“I don’t have anything more to say,” Sasuke is honest. He doesn’t remember much.

Naruto looks up at him again from his papers and chuckles briefly, making straight eye contact with the Uchiha. “Thought so. But I think it’s such a coincidence that you’re here right now.”

“What do you mean?” Sasuke frowns.

And then it hits him.


	2. Old Friend of Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 'hit' will be explained later, it's a slow burn after all
> 
> let me know if you want this story to be continued! also, i love feedback, so whatever it is, drop it down low bby

“My apologies. That was deeply unprofessional,” Naruto says before a bewildered Sasuke, who fell silent right after Naruto mentioned the coincidence. Sasuke wasn’t used to this kind of environment, ironically so, that he actually worked in psychiatric ward. But, he has never been in the position of the patient before and this was clearly setting him off for the time being. “Leaving that behind,” a chuckle comes after. Sasuke’s blood cools in his veins and he tries to keep composed. 

“How have you been?” Sasuke finds himself asking, mouth moving on its own. He can’t even get a grip on himself right now. Fuck.

“Uh? Me?” Naruto looks away from him, with an expression that reveals his deep thinking. Perhaps he doesn’t want to tell Sasuke everything, or that’s what the brunet believes. “I’ve been… working.”

Sasuke is frustrated at the simple answer. He even waited a while for Naruto to come up with it. But he was hiding something, and that Sasuke is almost sure of. 

“But do I know you?” the raised eyebrow is driving Sasuke insane. Of course you do, damn it. Naruto’s grin brings even more pain. Sasuke feels like he’s going to explode at any moment now, as much as he tries not to let any emotions show on his already too-pale face. He felt like an absolute bastard. 

“Can we talk about this later? Let Sakura back in,” Sasuke is sure that Naruto will not just go on with the subject and there is no point in nudging him forward. 

“I’m not sure about the talking part, but the second one sounds good to me.”

For the rest of their meeting, the blond man goes carefully through the procedure. He asks for more details about Sakura’s past relationships, how long they’ve been married, if they’re expecting a kid (which Sakura blatantly denies—she doesn’t know how to tell him that yet), if their sexual life is still, well, alive. This is the basic start of any therapy session. Even though Sasuke didn’t specialize in that, he can recognize it—Naruto is doing a pretty good job, he remembers details, notes down a bunch and pushes those glasses up his nose so attractively. Fuck. This appointment is not about this. 

Blue sapphire eyes fix on Sasuke as their appointment comes to a close. “Mr. Uchiha,” Sasuke flinches, gulping an invisible lump down his throat. If only he could breathe. “From what I’m seeing—“ and he flicks through some statistics that he rapidly wrote during their discussion, “these are clear signs of Borderline Personality Disorder.”

Sasuke frowns slightly. Was he talking about Sakura? The said woman didn’t move an inch in her seat. She was waiting for the man to continue. 

Naruto brought a hand up to his blond locks of hair and ran it through. “I’m sure you’re familiar with this term, since we work in the same field. However,” he looks at the clock on the wall and decides he’s going to spare them five more minutes, even though the next patient was about to walk in. “I don’t believe that Mrs. Uchiha is accustomed with this. It is probably the first time she’s ever heard about it. In truth, we only mediatize depression and whatever comes next, such as bipolar and psychopathy as the preferred genre for the Netflix community, right?” Naruto chuckles, but something about that seems sad. “We don’t really glance upon further problems.”

“I’ve noticed that,” Sasuke says nonchalantly. 

“I’m positive you did,” Naruto moves his eyes to Sakura. Her green orbits are piercing holes through his soul and he frowns slightly. But this was characteristic in borderline patients: they often came here to prove that their lover is mistaken and they’re just an innocent victim. Things don’t always look like that. “So, for now. We don’t have any more time left. But,” Naruto suddenly stands up and goes to his desk. One of the drawers contain a few stapled books. He brings out a small agenda-looking book, the size of a book of recipes. “This isn’t long, nor complicated. I don’t want to drag this on forever and send you to more specialists out there. This right here contains psychometric tests,” Naruto explains, sustaining Sakura’s gaze, right before switching to Sasuke’s. “We have to check if it is indeed borderline personality disorder. So far, that’s only my assumption. But you know, everyone makes mistakes.”

Sasuke doesn’t know if Naruto said that on purpose, in a particular way, just so that it would stir something deep inside of him. He thanks the heavens that he looks calmer than he feels.

“Here,” Naruto hands Sakura the mini-book. “This test has about one hundred questions. They contain usual things, day-to-day activities, past habits and many more issues just like that. Give one honest answer. Keep in mind that you can’t change it later. This is why pencils are not allowed,” the clock ticks twelve. Naruto’s break is over by now. 

“I understood,” Sakura feigns a smile. The uneasiness that drops over her feels like a mantle made of steel.

“For the next two weeks, I would like to see you both, but separately.”

Sakura scowls. “Sir, I’m pretty sure we opted for couple therapy.”

Naruto gives her a reassuring smile, before moving the curtains to the side so that the sun gets in. Sasuke stands up, taking that as a sign that they are to leave in less than a minute. 

“In order for a relationship to work, both parts have to work on their own issues first. Otherwise, you will be faced with difficulties, such as victim-blaming, a victim complex, even Stockholm syndrome, feelings of depression, guilt, eventual cheating… May I go on?” Sakura shakes her head. “Good. I hope I made myself understood. Mr. Uchiha, you are first. How about next Tuesday, at around…” he takes a brief break to look through his papers, “three in the afternoon?”

“I’m—not sure, I might be working, I don’t know,” Sasuke says, helping Sakura with her purse. 

Sasuke swears he sees a smirk forming in the corner of Naruto’s mouth, “I see…” and then he rips a clear part of paper from the notes he took earlier. He scribbles down a phone number. “I’m not always at the clinic, I might be at home. Please call in advance and confirm your appointment, or propose a future date.”

Naruto’s choice of words was clearly driving Sasuke insane by this point. Even so, he nods at the blond and takes the paper from his slender fingers. “I will.”

Naruto sighs, “Alright. Dismissed.”

~~

On their drive back, both of them are silent. Sakura expected different results: she couldn’t possibly grasp how in the world she could feel so bad after going to a therapist. She thinks that perhaps Naruto Uzumaki is not as competent as everyone says. But, the facts speak louder than the words. He was top of the class, he has a PhD, he has saved so many marriages and couples and people individually. Why isn’t it working on me?

“You okay?” Sasuke asks. This sudden interference gives Sakura hope and she grins at him with all her might.

“Yup! Just thinking about this psycho…”

“Psychometric test.”

“Yes,” embarrassment creeps up on her face. She couldn’t even remember what she was supposed to do.

“Don’t worry about that,” Sasuke’s voice is calm, collected and something about it makes Sakura feel more at ease. “The pro’s at my clinic have run through plenty of those. They’re actually fun to complete. It’s the results that are hard to pinpoint,” Sasuke moves the steering wheel. They’ve taken a turn; they can already see the seaside far off in the distance. Ten more minutes and they’ll be home. 

“I guess,” Sakura looks out the window. “I think I’ll have Temari come over. Girl’s night,” she says suddenly, as if stricken by the ultimate impulse. 

Sasuke snorts. “I’m tired as shit. I’ll be in my room, sleeping.”

“Okay!” Sakura seems excited. This is the most emotion she’s shown ever since they walked out of their appointment. Sasuke is glad that at least because she’ll be busy with Temari, they won’t have to fight the entire night again. He just wants to sleep and possibly wake up a week later. Both his work and their appointment completely drained him. 

When they make it home, Sasuke goes straight to the bedroom. He doesn’t even bother to change his clothes or brush his teeth. The moment he lies on the bed is the moment he falls asleep, completely exhausted.

~~  
Sasuke wakes up to his phone beeping on the nightstand by the bed. Seems like he forgot to turn off his automatic alarms when he got home. A text message from Kakashi pops up. 

Morning, Sas  
Sakura dropped by and told me she was goin on sum business trip  
You’re alone for three days. Take this as my gift to you: a vacation

No way. Sasuke hated being alone. Not only hated it, but it absolutely disgusted him. He got bored easily. He didn’t especially enjoy watching movies alone or cooking or just lying around with no one to talk to. 

He goes for a cigarette, lights it deftly and sits at the kitchen table. Grey clouds are spreading all over the sky. Sasuke can sense the smell of the seaside storm already—he loved those. 

Another text message pops up.

You up? – N.U.

“Who the fuck—“ Sasuke frowns at the screen, and then realization washes over him. Those are his doc’s initials. For some reason, he feels kind of playful and decides to joke around with him. Whenever Sakura isn’t home, he is less tensed, less concerned and more carefree with the way he behaves. It’s these business trips that make Sasuke wonder if he really is fit for the role of husband and setting down. He doesn’t even like his hair right now. 

Taller than you, Sasuke replies and chuckles to himself, before leaning back in the kitchen seat. His clothes from yesterday stink of cigarette smoke and hospital shit. He decides to answer to Naruto’s upcoming (typing…) text only after he showers and changes properly.

But here he is, almost falling on his face with the boxers down his ankles trying to both undress and talk to Naruto at the same time. He starts worrying whether he said something wrong or not, takes deep breaths, strolls naked around the bathroom. He catches himself in the reflection of the mirror. God, he looks absolutely terrible. Exhaustion has worn on his face and he needs to catch up with his working out routines. He doesn’t want to become a boring old man.

Heard about your ward. Wanted to check it out :D  
I’m in town

Sasuke wonders how in the world it was all so quick. Only yesterday did they book an appointment and now Naruto actually travels here? What in the world is going on?

Sasuke stops to think. Sakura probably went with Temari, her fashion director, in that business trip. They won’t be home soon, at least that’s what Kakashi said. Most likely they planned it that night after they came from Konoha. After a few minutes of sitting on the cold tiles naked, with his boxers thrown by the side, Sasuke actually picks up his phone and types a reply back.

Sure.

The phone lights up.

Send me your location. Mind showing me around? Never been here

So it wasn’t just about the clinic. Naruto has more in his mind for sure. Sasuke gulps. He remembers his terrible haircut. If he looked bad yesterday, he won’t allow that to happen today. Standing up from the tiles, he makes it for the mirror, opens a few drawers in a desperate search for the scissors. Finally finding the item, he makes for his bangs first. He rocked this hairstyle when he was younger and he thinks it’s a good idea—it might make him look actually younger. 

He starts by parting his hair. The room is cold and the water from the tap has been running for god knows how many minutes, probably even half an hour. It’s not long until he impulsively starts cutting his hair and makes for two parted bangs. As he cuts, he thinks it as a terribly wrong idea, but then is content with the final result. Even though Sakura preferred his longer hair and he knew she wouldn’t like this at all. Well, at least the dark locks were not getting in his face anymore and he actually cheated age. He indeed looks better now, or so he thinks so.

The hot water from the shower cap is turning his pale, grey-ish skin into a pretty pink. He absolutely adores hot baths. Even though, from a psychological point of view, many doctors have stated that people who enjoy especially hot showers are the loneliest and they miss physical contact. Oh, right. He hasn’t had sex in about three months.

Sasuke groans. This situation he’s gotten himself into makes him angry and he doesn’t even know why. Honestly speaking, the thought of his relationship being repaired actually scares him. He wants to live a peaceful life, yes, but ever since yesterday he started to stray away from the idea of marriage. What would normally bother him, such as Sakura not announcing him that she will be gone for a few days and leaving a message to Kakashi instead when he was right there (she just needed to wake him up), isn’t even crossing his mind. One thing bothered him the most: the fights. He’s had enough of those. But even so, borderline personality disorder absolutely screams¸ Sasuke was sure of it but he didn’t want to admit that to himself. Was he sick as well? He never questioned himself that.

The shower is quick. After he dries up and gets dressed, he remembers Naruto’s request. He remembers that he didn’t actually send Naruto his location. By two taps on whatsapp, he manages to do that too. 

The time passes by as he brushes his teeth, tidies up around, in wait for the Uzumaki sex-guru or whatever-the-fuck-he-was. But the memory from yesterday wouldn’t just leave Sasuke alone. Was he really the one that—

Knock. Knock.

Shit.

Sasuke gets up from the couch where he planted himself earlier, having totally forgotten that he was supposed to meet Uzumaki when he spaced out suddenly, thinking about work. His life has been incredibly boring, Perhaps this is why he even accepted Naruto’s request. He wants to see new people, talk about his common interests—he was sick of this little town and his unhappy marriage, he needed to find an escape somehow. His only man friend here, Kakashi, was a workaholic who drained everything from Sasuke who was not as passionate and willing to be on duty all the time—he sometimes needed to be alone, to have time for himself. But then again, Sakura didn’t allow that except for her business trips. It was hell on two legs.

Sasuke strolls to the door, unlocks it and opens it. The raven-haired man stops in his tracks, staring at the blue eyed doc standing in his doorframe with a grin on his face. Sasuke is sure he’s seen this grin before, but he doesn’t want to make any assumptions yet. His memories might be deceiving after all. Alcohol was, is and will never be a damn joke to Sasuke. He’s had a full cup of that. 

“Manners?” Naruto asks jokingly, his blue eyes travelling up and down Sasuke’s body. The latter is wearing a loose white shirt, unbuttoned and a pair of black sweatpants. He indeed looked younger. “Bitch,” Naruto laughs as Sasuke stares dumbfounded. “Let me in.”

“Oh,” Sasuke chuckles, both amused and embarrassed. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels shy. “Sorry,” he moves away, giving Naruto space to walk inside. The blond bows down to get rid of his shoes right at the door and Sasuke feels the need to remark, “You don’t need to take those off.”

“What, do you think I stink?” Naruto, in this ambiance, lets his joker side go loose and Sasuke is amused by it, but he cannot quite comprehend it. Maybe Naruto was one of those people who didn’t know limits or boundaries and he just treated everyone like a friend ever since the first day they met. “Stay calm, I’m good.” Naruto straightens up and spares Sasuke a glance. 

“I’m a shit cooker so I hope you’re not starving. And if you are, survive,” Sasuke says nonchalantly as he brushes past Naruto. He just put his defense bar up high—it was impossible to let this blonde stranger who just fucking basically invited himself at his place win the game of sarcasm. Sasuke was better at it. 

“Okay, but don’t get mad if I eat you.”

Sasuke flushes dark red from top to bottom. What was that about again?

“Where can I sit?” Naruto asks, more serious this time, but perhaps it’s just curiosity. He’s been looking around at the pretty studio that Sasuke owned. It’s clear that Sasuke makes a lot of money. The place is packed with different bargains, paintings and all of the artsy stuff that you wouldn’t expect inside of an actual medic’s house. It was well-known that STEM and med kids would be far off from art. However, Sasuke dares to break that stereotype. 

“Do you smoke?”

“Hell fucking yeah,” Naruto says, following Sasuke into the kitchen. They both plop down on their seats. Outside the storm is just setting in. Sasuke groans when he has to stand up again to close the window. He feels Naruto’s eyes on him and finds the gaze unexplainable.

“Here, Marlboro Reds, have one of mine,” Sasuke pulls the cigarette pack from a drawer and throws it at Naruto’s face. Luckily, the man catches it. During the impact, Sasuke can’t help but observe the way Naruto’s cheeks, marked with what looked like whiskers (probably birth marks?) curled when he laughed and muttered jerk.

“You’ve been here for ten minutes and insulted me two times,” Sasuke smokes, squinting at Naruto. This is not the right moment for smoke to get into his eye.

He watches as Naruto lights his cigarette and brings it up to his pretty lips. He takes his time answering Sasuke and spreads his legs to sit more comfortably. Only then does Sasuke see how muscular Naruto is and how perfect his outfit molds on his body. He’s wearing a simple orange shirt, with dark, ripped jeans. In contrast with his blue eyes, the whole image seems devilish. Sasuke almost forgets he’s even married and the feeling that tries him is the same one which he had when he was a teenager and went on a date.

“I’m not malevolent,” Naruto closes his eyes as he exhales the smoke of his cigarette. Inevitably, the smoke goes straight to Sasuke’s face. Oh, he’s going to smell like an ash tray soon. Oh, ash tray, right. Sasuke stands up to get them a new one, as Naruto’s ash is about to hit the ground. “I actually think you’re pretty nice.”

“Yeah?” Sasuke asks with a smile that Naruto cannot see, nor feel in his voice. He’s washing the ashtray at the sink, with his back facing Naruto.

“No need to be anxious, loosen up a little,” Naruto encourages. “That’s what I’m here for anyways.”

“What?” Sasuke frowns, looking over his shoulder. The blond does the same, but with a small smirk instead.

“I thought Sakura updated you on that, but it seems she didn’t. Do you know the specificity of your appointments?” Sasuke hates that Naruto sounds so formal now.

“Mm,” the raven-haired man comes back to the table and places the ashtray in the centre. It is decorated with a skull head. Emo, Naruto can’t help but think. “She took care of everything before I even had a say in all of that. Therefore, nope, don’t think so,” pulling the sleeves of his shirt up higher, Sasuke eyes Naruto curiously this time. 

Naruto smirks, but Sasuke sustains his gaze.

“Ah, well, you see…” a sudden wave of embarrassment hits Naruto, so hard that Sasuke practically feels him physically forcing himself to act and be professional or, whatever, more distant. “Sakura actually intended to get a surrogate partner therapy.”

Confusion plasters all of the raven-haired man’s face. “No way.”

“Yup,” Naruto shrugs. “Guess you’re left with me then.”

“In what way?” they work in the same fields, but sex therapy has never quite interested Sasuke up until now. In fact, he doesn’t know anything about it.

“Let me explain,” Sasuke is already done with all the explanations. He wishes that at least one person in his life wouldn’t be so keen on explaining stuff to him all the time or acting superior. Or maybe he just felt like that because he wasn’t confident enough. “Surrogate sex partner therapy means that either the two of you have sex with a chosen partner, with your therapist or each of you picks someone. Sakura was worried about both herself and you losing feelings. This method can help you explore your… how do I put this,” Naruto pinches the bridge of his nose, then startles as if a lightbulb has just been turned on by his head, “sensuality and sexuality. This is the quickest method to find out whether something is not going well here, whether she has congenital problems or whether you… just can’t get it up.”

“Get lost, I can get it up, I’m only twenty-eight,” Sasuke replies. The storm outside starts roaring. Sasuke watches it with satisfaction as the blondie eyes him curiously and leans forward on his elbows. Both of them are silently wondering whether they should lighten two more cigarettes. 

“It’s not quite about that. It’s about attraction,” that catches Sasuke off-guard and he trails his look to the man. “This is why you have to choose your surrogate sex partners wisely. Because if you choose someone you’re not attracted to, the process is absolutely useless. By the way, you got coffee? I’m about to pass out here.”

Sasuke can see that Naruto is tired. He nods briefly and subtly nudges Naruto to continue. He prefers to have Naruto talk for over an hour here than ever be interrupted by that formal thing again. He absolutely hated it. He wants it to come natural for once.

“So you only came here for business matters,” Naruto can feel Sasuke getting irritated. Sasuke clearly wanted to enjoy himself, but now he’s just pitying himself for having so high expectations. He’s back at the kitchen counter, preparing to boil the water for their upcoming coffee. 

“No, I didn’t. Actually, Sakura wanted to speed up the process. Don’t feel insulted, but that’s what her business trip is about. She told Kakashi to tell you that, but Kakashi doesn’t know about all this. Sakura left it to me to explain,” Sasuke tenses up. How could Sakura, who seemed so damn jealous, proceed to do this even before talking to him about it? “So don’t take your anger out on the man. He’s not guilty. But technically speaking, I’m here because I wanted a free day and you seemed interesting, but also because we have to get going since Sakura already made her first move.”

“Be more clear, would you?” Sasuke mutters. “Do you need me to sign anything?”

“Yes, actually,” Naruto pulls a crinkled paper from his pocket. “It looks like shit but it’s the best I could do on the way here. It will be digitalized anyways, so I just need a sample. The contract will be sent digitally too,” Naruto is almost out of breath from explaining. 

“Good,” Sasuke stops the stove when the water boils and throws in two spoons of coffee, before blending. “Gimme that.”

Naruto walks behind Sasuke and hands him the paper. Sasuke can feel his hot breath fawn over his neck and he freezes. “Don’t forget, you have to mention a name of a partner you choose. Of course, you have to have their consent first. This is going to be hard, since you just found out about this. Could be a fuck buddy, friend who you’re comfortable with, any—“

“I already made my choice, don’t worry about it,” Sasuke chuckles mischievously as he turns around and goes to sit on the counter, facing the blond. A sudden wave of arousal jolts through him--Naruto is standing just too close, his cologne is just too expensive, Sasuke is just too neglected... Just just just. But it doesn't feel like cheating. This is a contract, right?

He looks down at Naruto, deciding to leave his guilt behind--the past is in the past; it's okay as long as he doesn't think about it too much.

“It’s an old flick of mine. I think I already got the consent.”

“Wha—“

Before Naruto can count to three, the raven-haired man wraps his legs around his waist and pulls him in close, pressing his pretty wet lips on Naruto’s. All Naruto can think about is how long he’s been waiting for this, as his heart starts to race and he closes his eyes to reciprocate the kiss. He moans at the impact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, the explanation for sasuke and naruto's past link is coming up.  
> But first, what do you think it is? Comment I'm curious (even though I'm about to ruin it for y'all lmfao)  
> prepare for angst and smut bithies


	3. Less control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still teasing about the backstory~~ give me your opinions, what do you think went down?  
> leave a comment if you'd like more chapters~~  
> the chapter's song: (i wrote this as i listened to this piece, and i think it's a good idea if you do so too)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdJbLo5pF-0

“Wait,” Naruto pulls away breathless, eyes still closed. His chest is heaving up and down. Sasuke looks just as wrecked, sitting on the kitchen table, eyes half-lidded. “Wait, Sasuke, I—“ Naruto using his name feels weird, but no in a bad way—how the fuck was he supposed to feel about this?

“Hm?” Sasuke murmurs, running a hand through his dark locks of hair. His muscular thighs lay spread on the counter and Naruto, trying to find some balance from how dizzy he’s gotten, gropes them.

“This—“ Naruto starts, opening his eyes slowly, but he doesn’t make eye contact with the brunet. His heart is pounding in his chest, daring to break the set of bones. “This should be more formal, y’know? Even though it’s—whatever—uhm,” Naruto finds himself staggering _Oh my fucking God this is terrible._ One of the most regarded sex therapists in town is blabbering in front of a 28-year-something with a studio and a PhD—if he was a president or some shit, Naruto would have a reason to be concerned.

Sasuke brings up his arm and wipes his mouth, a small smirk forming under the wipe. His eyes are fixated on Naruto like a prey. “Okay then, let’s start the schedule. Now.” Naruto’s breath hitches in his throat. This is when he finally looks up at Sasuke, eyes wide. “We can stop if that’s what you want to,” Sasuke finally says, voice softer. The lust is seemingly dissipating.

“No—“ Naruto says faster than he’d like. “That’s okay… Don’t mind me,” the blabbering is now replaced with an awkward laugh. _Oh god not again._ “I’m tripping, I swear.”

“You’re nervous,” Sasuke states simply and Naruto’s grip on his thighs loosens. “I am too. I’ve never did something like this—surrogate sex partner whatever you call those—it’s new for me, you’re probably more experienced, so what’s with all the fuss?”

Sasuke wasn’t putting pressure on the blond. From the looks of it, he seems genuinely curious about Naruto’s hesitance. Everything is ruling in accord with a contract after all. Outside of it, this means nothing—Sasuke took all of it as if he was young again and messing around. It was easier for him.

“You still don’t have the contract, though,” Naruto barely whispers. His blue eyes pierce through Sasuke’s _shadow_ ones. Sasuke tilts his head and smiles slightly—Naruto’s heart jumps in his throat.

“It’s on the house, then.”

Naruto laughs genuinely at the brunet’s remark. His blond fringe falls on his forehead in all the right places. Not tense and at work, Naruto looks just as young as he’s ever did. Age doesn’t possibly show on his face at all. Sasuke was on the lucky side too.

“Fine,” Naruto moves in closer, running his fingers up and down Sasuke’s thighs to hide the trembling. He is pretty much sure that the skin on his neck is flushed. His heart is about to _fucking_ burst after all. “May I give out a request though?”

“Yeah?” Sasuke furrows his brows. He is confused. What request now? And why is this taking so long? Oh my god.

“ _You_ fuck me,” Naruto smirks, but there’s something quite innocent about it that catches Sasuke’s attention. The brunet’s lips part in surprise and he eyes Naruto intently. “Can you handle that? Or have you really gotten that old, Sasu?”

Sasuke grins down at him, before jumping off the counter. Naruto felt that Sasuke knew, but he just blatantly ignored it. But this was not the time for Naruto to pout and start bawling his eyes out.

“So… I don’t disgust you anymore?” Naruto says as Sasuke tries to brush past him. He needed a cigarette first. Naruto looks at him sideways and gropes his crotch. Sasuke freezes in his tracks and spares him a glance. “Interesting,” a smirk forms on Naruto’s face.

He palms Sasuke’s dick through the sweatpants. Sasuke wants to hold onto something as his blood starts to boil and go all the way _downstairs._ His eyes close involuntarily. The smell of cologne fills the air as Naruto leans in and lightly bites his bottom lip, before licking over it. “No,” Sasuke smirks into the kiss, bringing a hand down to Naruto’s, “No, not anymore,” as the blond’s hand continues to stroke him through the sweatpants. Sasuke all but claws on it.

“Still a fan of pain?” Naruto chuckles lowly, and Sasuke grunts. He is starting to get impatient. The composed psychiatrist left and was replaced by a hormonal teenage. Yet again. Naruto still felt good in all the right places.

“Maybe, just like you’re a total fool for me,” Sasuke was blunt. Naruto felt slightly hurt by that, but it made his lust bigger. It’s not like he enjoyed being degraded, but something about finally fucking this man again would mean he’d prove it to himself that he wasn’t deserving of all of that. After all, neither was Itachi.

“I’m not,” Naruto whispers against his lips. He drags the hand that was palming Sasuke up to his throat. Pulling him in, Naruto goes for the crook of his neck and places a hot, wet kiss right there, to which Sasuke hums lightly. The blond knows that Sasuke doesn’t give in easily. “I’m really not,” his breath washes over Sasuke’s moist skin and he writhes under his touch.

“Little _neko_ ¸ still soft for me?” Sasuke teases, his hand making for Naruto’s touch. Naruto’s eyes go wide at the use of the name. “Of course I remember,” Sasuke says, but his voice is not as stable anymore—Naruto hears a tinge of sadness.

“Oh yeah?” Naruto looks up at him with a frown, but it’s playful. “If you remember, fuck it better.”

Sasuke chuckles. His eyes look kind as they crease with the force of his smile. But suddenly, he pulls Naruto into a hug, wrapping his arms around his waist. They’re flat against each other, with Naruto dumbfounded in the middle of Sasuke’s kitchen, wondering how the fuck did he get himself tangled in this again.

“What’s that about?” Naruto asks with a chuckle, as Sasuke hugs him tighter.

“Just wanted to _feel_ you,” Naruto knows that Sasuke is too emotionally constipated to say the classic _I missed you_ , but he will take what he can get.

“Mm, yeah?” Naruto lets his forehead fall on Sasuke’s shoulder. The clean smell of soap invades him, he’s breathing heavily. Sasuke pushes him away suddenly, only to grab his collar and pull him into a deep kiss.

Naruto’s body feels heavy. He’s dizzy. How could he let this happen? It wasn’t supposed to go like this. There’s no formality, it feels like a fling.

“Sasuke—wait,” Naruto pulls away breathless. He hits something as he steps back from the raven’s embrace. Sasuke eyes him with curiosity.

“We should stop,” Sasuke says finally, after silence has settled in. Only their heavy breaths could be heard. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Sasuke wanted it, but Naruto’s hesitation was turning off all of his impulses. He wasn’t going to pressure him into anything. Sasuke valued consent more than anything.

“Did you think this was smart?” Naruto starts with a muffled chuckle—he has never been this nervous with a _patient_ before. The chair lies on the ground behind him. Both of them look like absolute wrecks, flushed, eyes heavy with the lust of so many years having passed by.

Sasuke gulps, as Naruto strolls back to him. He drops to his knees. _Oh my fucking God._

“Do whatever the fuck you want with me,” Naruto gazes up at Sasuke and his words . His shining blue eyes are piercing through Sasuke, asking to devour his fucking soul. Naruto reaches up and hooks his fingers on Sasuke’s sweatpants, ready to pull them down. “Please—“ his gaze is so intense that Sasuke has to look away and repress a whimper. “Please do whatever the fuck you want with me. _I’ve been waiting.”_

Instead of letting Naruto drag down his pants, Sasuke drops to his knees as well, slowly, pulls Naruto into a deep kiss and shoves his tongue inside of his mouth, gaining a moan from the blond, the latter wishing he had more self control than that. He’s an absolute mess. The force of the kiss pushes both of them to the cold tiles of the kitchen floor. The brunet crawls over Naruto, biting at his neck, giving himself to the strong cologne and the familiarity of the tan skin.

“Me too,” Sasuke replies, grinding his crotch on Naruto’s. The hardness he meets serves as the answer to the thought he’s had yesterday when the realization hit in. _He still loves me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do you think itachi's role was in this? hopeful yet?  
> wait for the angst ~ it's coming in a TON


	4. Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik that i have maximum 4 readers but hope y'all 4 enjoy this LMAO  
> this chapter is a weekend gift~~

“One rule though, even if you can do whatever you want,” Naruto looks up intently at the raven-haired man, whose flushed cheeks look absolutely adorable. The storming outside hits against the glass pane, a humming sound reverberating around the room with little ticks of rain. “No mouth kisses.” Sasuke cocks a brow.

“Is that part of the formality you were _barking_ about?” _No, I just don’t want to fall for you again._

“Most likely,” Naruto smiles lightly, giving a nod. The cold tiles of the kitchen floor almost sting on his back. “But I let us _cheat_ a few times. Not gon’ happen again.”

Sasuke hums. There was no way he could refuse this, since these were the rules. He leans down over Naruto, burying his face in the crook of his neck, his breathing more composed now. Naruto rubs just above Sasuke’s waist, taking into the fine material of the sweatpants. “Alright,” Sasuke breaks the silence, pulling himself up into a sitting position. He’s straddling Naruto and looking down at him—something ferocious dances into the black orbs and a shiver runs up Naruto’s body.

“Can we at least move this to the bedroom? I’m freezing,” Sasuke’s eyes narrow at that, before getting up, “A helping hand, please,” Naruto comes back to his feet with Sasuke grasping his wrist. His body force is just as strong as Naruto remembers it to be. _Impressive._

They stroll to the bedroom, tension building up between the little spaces filled with silence that creaks and whispers unsaid dreams and hopes. Naruto isn’t quite sure about this—but it’s his job. He has to get a grip on himself, keeping in mind that this is only a formality which will probably end in around five months or so, according to Sakura’s option of treatment. If he lets his feelings get in the way, he might end up breaking them up, instead of helping their connection.

Naruto falls at Sasuke’s push, back flat against the soft mattress, covered with silky black sheets. The rain outside seems to never stop, only get stronger and stronger as the minutes pass by, accompanied by wind. Sasuke stands between the blond’s legs, the latter propped on his elbows in the bed, watching intently as the brunet undresses. A flush creeps up on his cheeks and Sasuke seems to catch that, because he smirks down at the man when he lets the piece of clothing drop from his hand next to the bed.

“Come on, Naruto,” he shivers at the mention of his own name dropping from Sasuke’s soft lips—and _oh how he wished he’d kiss them again_ , “You’re a grown man. And a sex therapist. And you’re blushing at some stripping? Weak.”

Naruto laughs. He knows that Sasuke is just joking, but for him something deep inside stirrs. He wishes the window would open and the wind would just whisk him away forever. He should’ve rejected the request when he read this as a secondary name in the register. He shouldn’t have let it get this far, but he hated rejecting patients, especially since he had to provide a justification for every rejection. And what would he say again? _I would like to mention the fact that I am not taking into consideration this treatment request, because I want to break this fucker’s household, not help his sulking wife?_ It wouldn’t work. Naruto and half of the population on the globe is sure of that.

Sasuke leans over him, pressing his naked chest on his torso. He stares into Naruto’s blue eyes for what seems like eternity, gulping down the lump forming in his throat. He briefly wonders why in the world would a kissing rule be imposed here—it made no sense. But Sasuke leaves that for a later research, when he actually has the time to look properly into what sex surrogate partnership is really about.

Naruto freezes, not even blinking, as if he could actually read Sasuke’s mind. _If the fucker searches this up on the net, I’m gonna have to explain._ To distract himself from this invasive thought that would do nothing but ruin the mood, Naruto reaches forward and runs a hand through Sasuke’s raven hair, feeling the silkiness under his fingertips. Sasuke’s hair smells like lavender and the smell invades Naruto’s nostrils, leaving him dizzy.

“Grind,” Sasuke commands, “If we can’t kiss, we gotta do something,” a sigh dares to leave his mouth, but he stops—looking pathetically desperate is the last point to be checked on his list. If these are the rules, he must comply. After all, Sakura’s paycheck goes into this stupid therapy anyway.

Naruto’s ocean eyes never break contact with Sasuke’s, as he brings his hands down to the man’s sides, travelling downwards to his hips to keep them in place. Naruto curses all of the saints on the list when Sasuke presses against his crotch, moving in unison with the blond, letting his forehead fall on the blonde’s shoulder, and Naruto is left staring at the Da Vinci pictures behind on the wall. Closing his eyes would cause the memories to overcome him, so he refuses. _At this rate, Sasuke is going to get another sex therapist for his sex with the Good of sex therapists himself—oh, good grief._ Sasuke is so close to him and he fits against his body so perfectly. Wherever Naruto puts his hand on, it fits as if his body was made by the Creator himself only for him.

Naruto’s mind spins. The friction is unbearable—the front of his pants wet with precome and Sasuke doesn’t seem much better himself. Even though he is shirtless, sweat pools on his temples and falls down the sides of his cheekbones. That hollow figure had been a real riot for the girls—and the boys—back when Sasuke was a teenager. Naruto finds himself wondering why Sasuke didn’t choose to be a model after all. But then again, Naruto wanted to be a cop, and yet he became a sex therapist instead.

_Think._ Naruto pleads himself, as a moan escapes his mouth sweetly. His head finally falls back on the mattress, as his back arches towards Sasuke. He can practically feel the smirk forming on the other’s lips. _Everything smells like lavender._ The clock ticks on the wall, mixing up with Naruto’s following soft whimpers. Sasuke grunts into his shoulder, biting a portion of his skin, making Naruto wince with pleasure. How badly he wanted to kiss him… _but maybe this time…_

Sasuke sits up, spreading Naruto’s legs and grinding down more eagerly. His eyes half-lidded, his hair is bouncing back and front, while Naruto thrashes lightly on the mattress, up and down. “Do you do this often with clients?”

“Huh?” Naruto opens one eye and the view in front of him makes his stomach churn. He feels the familiar heat forming in his navel. He gulps, answering breathlessly, “Oh—yeah, I guess I do—“ a moan escapes his mouth and his eyebrows furrow.

“Are you not bored of it?” Sasuke props a hand on Naruto’s heaving chest, while the other one caresses his thigh while he rubs himself up and down Naruto’s crotch. “I mean—“ Sasuke grunts, “It must be the same with everyone,” he speaks over Naruto’s endless moaning.

“Fuck—Sasuke—“ Naruto props himself up on his elbows, eyes wide. He looks at their clothed crotches. “ _Fuck—wait—“_ the raven-haired man smirks devilishly. He moves off the bed in a quick motion, crouches next to it while pulling Naruto towards him by his thighs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of his pants and pulling them down, exposing Naruto’s throbbing member. With a swift motion, Sasuke grabs the base and envelopes his pretty pink lips around the man’s shaft, his black eyes piercing through Naruto’s own. He gains a yelp from the blond.

“I said—wait—“ Naruto makes to sit up, but the friction gets too much and he falls back, shutting his eyes off tight and reaching out a hand which he uses to push Sasuke up and down his dick. The raven-haired moans sweetly, mouth wrapped around Naruto, sending a vibration down his red skin. He departs with a _pop_ sound, stroking Naruto, while repeatedly licking his slit. Naruto manages to prop himself on his elbows, locking his fingers in Sasuke’s dark hair. A wink comes from the other end and Naruto feels his chest absolutely exploding. The skin on his torso turns red.

“What’s the matter, neko?” Sasuke’s voice is low, slightly raspy. He brings a hand down to stroke himself while he licks Naruto’s member from the base to the top, right on the pulsating vein. Naruto curses under his breath, his grip on Sasuke’s hair tightening. The pain sends shivers down Sasuke’s spine and his back arches, spreading his legs on the floor while fucking his hand.

“I’m afraid of,” Naruto breathes, heavier now, blue eyes half-lidded. Outside the thunders break the sky and Sasuke sees that through the mirror behind Naruto. “Temptation.”

Sasuke recognizes Naruto’s expression: his flushed cheeks, his half-lidded eyes, furrowed brows, sweaty forehead, his other hand clung on the sheets under them, while his hips jerk involuntarily into Sasuke’s mouth when he starts sucking again, awfully slow, choking around him.

“Kiss me,” Sasuke pleads, departing from Naruto right when he’s about to cum. The strokes on his own dick have stopped. “Kiss me, _fuck the rules and whoever made them_ —do it,” Sasuke says, eyes fixating Naruto. The same darkness overcomes them. Naruto is breathless, his chest heaving up and down.

Sasuke’s is surprised when the hand that was locked in his hair actually slides down his face, trembling and sweaty, but big and protective, grabbing his chin and lifting it up. The blond, _absolutely having lost his damn mind_ , sits up and and leans down to kiss Sasuke slow on the lips, making his way into his mouth. He’s admitted immediately, and Sasuke’s tongue brushes against his tantalizingly soft, leaving the raven-haired man moaning into his mouth. His precome has dripped on the floor, leaving small puddles.

“Don’t make me beg,” Sasuke whispers threateningly into Naruto’s mouth, as the other licks under his upper lip once, eyes closed and cheeks flushed. _What the fuck is going on?_

Naruto smirks against his lips.

Sasuke’s phone starts ringing.

\--

Naruto cackles up with laughter at Sasuke’s sulking expression—he’s almost fucking pouting. The man stands up with the most pained look on his eyes, dick hard, barely pulled out of his sweatpants, and walks over to get his phone from the nightstand.

His eyes open with terror when he sees Kakashi calling. Kakashi only ever called when something was wrong at the hospital. But fuck that—it was his free day—what was going on again. Naruto watches from the bed, hand on his pants, palming himself. He needed that orgasm, but it could wait.

Sasuke clears his throat before answering, fingers slick from Naruto’s dick. “Hello?”

His face falls, mouth agape as he spares Naruto a terrified glance.

Naruto cocks an eyebrow.

“Sakura is at the hospital,” Sasuke says, his voice almost a whisper. Naruto sits up in bed, panicked, eyes wide.

“What? How? Where?” the questions are too many for Sasuke to answer. He just listens to Kakashi blabbering on the phone, before the other hangs up.

“Suicide attempt,” Sasuke looks down at the floor. Naruto can feel the panic growing in the other one, as his hands start trembling. The blond stands up, gathers Sasuke’s shirt from where he’s dropped it and shoves it in his direction.

“Get dressed,” Naruto says. “We’re going to check up on your wife,” his professional tone is back to normal, and Sasuke almost winces at how much of a stranger he sounds again. But why was he even thinking about this when Sakura was currently in an ambulance??

“Wait—“ Sasuke tries to catch up to Naruto, storming after him down the corridor as he struggles to put his shirt on. Naruto is serious when he turns on his kneels to face a panicked Sasuke. “Wait, we don’t even know where she is right now—“ Naruto furrows his brows. Sasuke is right. They don’t even know where to go.

“Well, fucking find out then,” Naruto says, his tone dangerously low. Sasuke is taken aback by the change of moods. He doesn’t understand Naruto’s sudden hostility. _She’s fucking pregnant,_ Naruto thinks, _and this fucker doesn’t know shit._

“Okay,” Sasuke says quietly, fingers still trembling. His breath catches in his throat when Naruto grabs his wrist, forcing him to pay him one more round of attention.

“We’re talking borderline here,” Naruto frowns, eyes piercing through Sasuke. This gaze absolutely dared to suck his soul out from him. Naruto was dead-serious—anything that was going on earlier, completely vanished. “A borderline patient’s attempt of suicide is repeated unless they’re medicated and properly watched. I know that _you_ know this, but you don’t seem to care about it.”

Sasuke’s world crumbles around him. _Naruto is right about him._

“I know that you don’t, and no one can blame you,” Naruto’s voice softens a little, but it’s still firm. He leans forward and he’s inches away from Sasuke. “But she’s my patient, I trust you to watch over her. Don’t fuck this up.”

“Where are you going with this?” Sasuke asks, so quiet that Naruto barely hears him. His eyes search Naruto’s face, but his expression is calmer now, almost impenetrable.

“Whether you like it or not, Sakura will be hospitalized in your clinic,” Naruto says. “It’s my final decision regarding her. And she’ll be hospitalized there for nine months until she—“

Naruto stops, biting his lip as Sasuke steps back in shock.

“Nine months? Until what?” he staggers.

Naruto gulps, his jaw clenching. Sasuke’s phone starts ringing again and this time it’s Temari, but he doesn’t answer it. The blood drains completely from his face.

Sasuke laughs in disbelief, “Don’t fucking tell me—“ his laugh dissipates. He searches the walls around him for invisible answers. “Don’t you dare—is this a joke? Tell me it’s a joke.”

Naruto’s mouth opens to talk, but he closes it again. _I fucked up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is always welcome <;


	5. Itachi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment/kudos~ feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> the update schedule is... *drums* daily, because i'm done w/ finals, thank lord
> 
> warning: SELF-HARM, PSYCH WARDS

“Let’s go,” Naruto frowns. He’s been trying to change the subject, but Sasuke just stood there dumbfounded, tears welling up into his eyes out of frustration. The blond curses his mouth that works faster than his brain—out of fear, maybe? He doesn’t know why he just blurted that out, but it was sure to leave an impact. Sasuke just wouldn’t _fucking move._

“You must be fucking kidding me,” Sasuke chuckles shortly, but it’s not the kind of laugh that creases the ends of your eyes, but the one which comes out of desperation. It’s like he suddenly has to bear all the weight there is in the world, on his shoulders. His black eyes darken even more in thought. Naruto’s fist clenches.

“Give me Kakashi’s number, don’t be useless when you’re most needed,” Naruto’s words cut through Sasuke, but it’s not spite—he’s mildly annoyed and mostly panicked. The storm outside comes to an end when Sasuke hands the blond his phone finally, with the number showing up on the screen. Naruto snatches it out of his slender fingers and holding up both his and Sasuke’s phones, taps Kakashi’s number into his own then makes it for the door.

“Wait,” Sasuke draws after him, voice more quiet now—disbelief is always followed by some sort of quiet grief, that seems to never fade. The last thing Sasuke wanted was for a child to come into his life—he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle all of that. He’s too young, he’s too immature—what’s the right way to raise a child into this world? All of these questions drape over him, heavier than before when they just served as mere hypotheses. Now reality was crashing all around him. “I’ll come, too.”

“As you should,” Naruto spits, pulling the door open. As soon as he’s out of the studio, with Sasuke trailing behind him, looking like he’s got a dark cloud right over his head, he dials Kakashi’s number.

\--

Naruto’s car is one of the latest Range Rovers on the market, light blue and the inside smells like fresh musk. Sasuke gets into the passenger’s seat, his fingers trembling. How could he let all of this happen? His thought travels to Sakura—how did she attempt? What was the reason?

Naruto spoke to Kakashi for about two minutes. By the point he turned the engine on and made it out of the valley, he had already hung up. Sasuke’s gaze observes the buildings that pass with Naruto’s speed driving.

“It seems that Sakura was transported to the National Hospital,” Sasuke freezes. They have at least a half hour until they arrive. “I hope you know that from this moment on, our sex surrogate therapy has ended. Sakura is not stable,” Naruto explains, eyes on the road. Sasuke observes his big hand rolling on the wheel as they take a turn to the big avenue. The sky is starting to clear up finally.

“I understand,” the raven says, so quiet that it sounds as if he was talking more to himself.

“Let’s not ever mention what happened today,” Naruto’s expression is stoic and cold, that it makes Sasuke almost startle. “It was a mistake anyway. If Sakura ever opts for this again, I’m going to need both of yours signatures, a proper contract and a written process. I’m sorry for the inconveniences, won’t happen again,” the way that Naruto drags along his sentences makes Sasuke feel inferior—he resembles more of a professional now than he did when they were back at the studio.

Naruto sighs, and they sit in silence after that for the rest of the way.

\--

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Naruto gets out of the car and locks it after Sasuke steps out as well. Kakashi heads to them. “I came as soon as I could,” the blond completes his sentence, straightening his clothes, “What room?”

“As far as I know,” Kakashi starts, “it’s room 23A, right on the left in the first corpus,” the tall building stands royally in front of them. It’s a good thing that Naruto knows this hospital like the palm of his hand. This is where he took his first practice hours when he was in his terminal year of college, a few years back.

“Good,” he says promptly, “Leave Sasuke outside, I’m thinking Borderline Personality Disorder for now,” Kakashi tilts his head at Naruto in confusion. He sighs again. “Seeing him right now might not be the best option, we still don’t know whether she did this because of him or not. She’s my patient It’s _my_ responsibility.”

Sasuke stands straight on the pavement, looking lost in thought as Naruto speaks to Kakashi, nods his head and then rushes over to the first doors of the hospital, glancing briefly over his shoulder to check if Sasuke was still there.

“You look rough,” Kakashi places a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder.

“I don’t want a kid,” the grey-haired man stops in his tracks, eyes widening slightly.

“Who told you?”

“Naruto Uzumaki,” Sasuke makes eye contact with the man and his eyes are almost on fire. A mixture of anger and disbelief that no one, not even Sakura, wanted to tell him about it, and yet everybody else by this point _knew._ “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So Naruto blurted that,” Kakashi sighs. “That’s classic of him.”

The Uchiha frowns, his dark hair framing his face, “You know him, too?”

“Of course,” Kakashi grins from under the mask he’s always wearing. He got into a fire when he was a child, and preferred to wear the mask—he thought it made him look cooler. “He was top of the class when I was a university teacher and not the director of the clinic,” Kakashi recalls, looking upwards, “He might seem messy, but that’s just because he’s human—you know, sometimes our emotions get the best of us, right when we don’t want them to. But I have faith in him. Before the sex therapist specialization, he’s as much a doctor like all of us are.”

Sasuke closes his eyes, leaning his head forward. The blood pumps into his ears and he’s getting dizzy at this point. All of this new information comes over him and he doesn’t know why everybody basically ditched with telling him _anything._

“He reminds me of Itachi. I just wonder why they broke up,” Kakashi says, going to sit on the bench places in front of the hospital. “They were a good match.”

Sasuke’s fist clenches, heart leaping into his throat.

“Yeah, they _were._ ”

\--

“Mr. Uzumaki? Is that you?” the woman at the reception droops her glasses, Naruto gives her a short polite smile before placing his forearms on the counter.

“Yes,” he says, “I’m here for Sakura Uchiha.”

After a brief search on the computer, covered by a few clicks and some rustling of papers, the woman replies, “Room 23A, left of the first corpus—you’ll go inside after a nurse comes to guide you. I believe you don’t have the reports with you,” Naruto shakes his head to disapprove and the woman sighs, “This is going to be pretty tough then.”

“I’d like to make a transportation request.”

\--

Sakura’s hands weakly grasp the edge of the bed. She is paler than before, almost blending in with the white gown that was given to her and the equally bright sheets. The light of hospital rooms have always blinded her. She wants to get out of here sooner.

The pink-haired woman gives up on gripping the bed—she can’t sit up, no matter how much she tries too. Both of her wrists and forearms are bandaged from top to bottom. The oxygen tube is making her nose itch.

She hears rapid footsteps coming down the hall.

Naruto walks in, eyes scanning everywhere before his gaze lands upon Sakura’s weak frame, lying in the hospital bed. He’s wearing a mask and what seems like bags on his feet, for hygiene. The doctors around here cannot allow outside bacteria to spread to fragile-stated patients. Blinking up at him, the woman tries to discern the blonde hair that stares down at her, without even a proper greeting.

“Hey,” Naruto’s expression softens as he observes Sakura more and more, and how confused she looks up at him, like a lost lamb. Naruto has heard from the doctors that she was stable for now, but no one is going to mention the _abortion_ to absolutely no one—not even Sasuke, who was dumbly concerned with how he’s going to raise a child, when the child doesn’t even exist anymore. Naruto’s heart sinks a little inside his chest. The weakness inside Sakura’s sapphire eyes is too obvious.

“Hi,” she manages to croak out, but then she coughs roughly. Naruto shakes his head, the same soft smile sitting on his lips under the one-use blue-ish mask. He waits for her to stop coughing before he phrases his thoughts attentively.

“Don’t force yourself, it’s fine. I just came to see you,” he explains, dragging a chair over to Sakura’s bed before he sits on it, bringing his hands together. The white on the walls is tiring—Naruto is glad that he chose other colors for his clinic. “For now, what I want you to know is that you’ll be transported as of tomorrow, so I can see you more often, alright?” Sakura nods at that. Naruto wasn’t going to tell her in this state that she’ll be locked in a psych ward with full attention on her. The term wasn’t 9 months as he had predicted, which was for the baby’s safety—seems like they arrived too late.

“Where’s Temari?” Naruto asks.

“Home,” Sakura whispers. “She… doesn’t know, she… the shop… ” the green-eyed girl coughs again more strongly, the oxygen tube in her nose creaking a little. Naruto finally figures it out. Sakura might have slit her wrists when Temari was away to shop for their weekend.

“That’s all for today, I won’t bother you anymore,” he says, as Sakura’s coughing persist, before reaching a hand over to grasp the girl’s weak one. “You’re not alone in this. I’m gonna lead the way.”

He’s always been really personal with his patients, which is what made him distinguished among the therapists everywhere, along with his great competence. He felt to them more like a friend than a doctor, which is why the results were quicker—most patients cannot adapt to a formal setting, because it makes them intimidated and they also feel the need to impress. With Naruto Uzumaki, things stood different, and that’s what made them contact him all the time.

Sakura smiles lightly, with only half of her mouth. Naruto watches her fondly. _What deep suffering can this poor woman travel?_ He decides to take it all into his hands, because Sasuke clearly didn’t make sure to talk to her about what this disorder really meant. He was a fool to believe he could do that—outside of medication, Sasuke is a complete airhead and is not very good with emotions, especially when they get the best of him.

“Where are you going?” Sakura asks in a quiet panic, as she watches Naruto make it for the door. She saw salvation in this man—he was her only hope for a happy life.

“Oh, want me to stay?” Naruto chuckles lightly, trying not to make too much noise. “I can’t stay right now, I’m not allowed to,” Sakura tilts her head to the side—the tube is so uncomfortable, “But I’ll be just outside if you need anything. Fruits, anything,” Naruto can see the joy forming on her face, even though it looks more like a grimace. “Kakashi and I will book a hotel for tonight, so we can be here tomorrow morning before you’re transported back.”

“And Sasuke?” Naruto freezes. He hopes the man will have a good reaction if he does see her. The last thing Sakura needs is his (maybe feigned, but not really) indifference.

“He’s busy,” Naruto smiles. _She’ll talk to him later._

\--

Kakashi practically runs to Naruto when he sees him step out of the building, a pained expression on his face. He hated seeing things like that, but he knew they were inevitable, especially with the career path he chose. But pain is part of life, and diminishing it as much as you can, even for someone else, is what will save this world one day, and that’s what Naruto believed.

“Slit wrists, forearms, both of them,” the blond explains even before Kakashi opens his mouth. “I made a transportation request, she’ll be brought as of tomorrow to your clinic.”

“And where will you live? You’re from Konoha,” Sasuke suddenly asks. Naruto is merely annoyed with him for not asking about his wife first, but he lets that pass.

“I’ll buy an apartment,” Naruto says dismissively. Sasuke’s face drops. _Does he have that much money?_ “That’s the last thing I’m worried about. We don’t want this to happen again, especially since she’s so weak right now. I wonder when they’ll let her eat proper food—I told her I’d bring her something, but in reality, I think it’ll take more hours before they get a decent meal for her.”

Naruto spoke with so much care that it made Sasuke shudder. He stood beside Kakashi.

“Do you know why this happened?”

“I have a theory, but let’s save that up for later,” Kakashi nods. “I still have to get the reports back from Konoha. Sasuke,” he turns to face the man, “I’m leaving her to you tomorrow. Don’t mention _anything,_ ” Sasuke catches the double meaning in that: both the sex and the kid. He nods his head, determined, and Naruto knows he can just trust him with that. Sasuke was loyal to the promises he made. “Tomorrow evening or night, I don’t know, I’ll be back, but till then, be extra-careful at the clinic, those are some nasty wounds, I bet on it. Don’t let her see the other patients. Try to keep the distance.”

Sasuke nods again. His head is spinning.

“Are we spending the night?” Kakashi asks. Sasuke is surprised at the lack of authority he has before Naruto, when he always treated Sasuke like an employee. Even though Naruto was, as Kakashi mentioned, his past student, now Kakashi is treating him like a mentor.

“Yes,” Naruto shrugs, “We’ll book some hotel rooms.”

Sasuke looks into the blonde’s blue eyes. Something glimmers inside of them, but Sasuke can’t pinpoint what. He wonders whether Naruto can really be that emotionally shut off again. Just earlier he could feel the past love blooming again just by looking into his eyes, but now he was completely emotionless, almost as if he ran on autopilot. Sasuke wondered if that was the guilt that trapped him in after the professional mistake—he couldn’t expect less from Naruto.

\--

The hotel is marked with five-stars. Naruto offered to pay, mentioning that it’s not much for him—he even offered to pay for Sasuke who certainly could afford it. He felt guilty because of Sakura’s state, even though he wasn’t—the best guarantee for a therapist is that they’re responsible, but not emotionally attached in a way that paralyzes them. Naruto tried his best to reach that. And even though it was not visible, sometimes he messed up.

He’s lying on the back in his hotel room, orange sweatpants on and a black, unzipped hoodie that complimented his blue eyes, making them stand out even more. Staring at the chandelier propped on the ceiling, lots of thoughts pass over him: he wonders how he’s going to be able to handle moving out of Konoha, but, at this point, all of his current patients were stable enough in order to postpone their appointments for around two weeks. He did frequent controls, managed everything, kept tabs on absolutely everybody. He figured he’d leave the rest of the formal work to Gaara, his personal assistant. If he did that, he would be able to watch Sakura for around two or three weeks if he was lucky, but then he'd have to go back to Konoha to fix things for himself. He could've taken Sakura to his own clinic, but he thought that it would be better if she remained in her town. After all, this was her home, her husband, her house...

There’s a knock on the door. Naruto jumps so hard he almost throws off the vase on the pine nightstand, cursing in his head. Even though he is rich, he will never forget the days he was tainted by poverty, which is why he wanted to at least pay for intentional stuff, rather than unintentional. “Good grief…” Naruto breathes out, before rushing over to the door. Before he can twist the doorknob, Sasuke storms in, tears running down his face, looking at Naruto. The blond steps back, gulping.

“What’s… what’s going on?” Naruto asks breathily. It's around three in the morning. Apparently, neither of them can sleep. 

The raven-haired man steps forward, face crumpling as the force of the cry hits him and he basically throws himself into Naruto’s arms, much to the blond's shock. The latter is taken aback with the force of the hug that engulfs him, petrified, orbs out, the oak door creaking behind of them, half-opened. 

_“I’m sorry,”_

_Itachi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh. boy.  
> the angst is coming


	6. The Past 0.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first part of the flashback ~ more to come  
> enjoy  
> Let me know if you want me to continue this bc im unsure abt it but OH WELL i might just keep it to myself LMFAO

“Long time no see,” Naruto chirped, eyes on fire, his blonde fringe falling over his forehead in timid waves as the wind grazed his form in the large garden, filled wth lavender and daffodils. “I heard you called,” his large smile almost breaks his cheeks, while the flush on his face travels down to his neck.

“Hi,” Itachi replies simply, crouching down to pluck out one daffodil and blow it away, as Naruto strolls over to him, eyes curious, the blush persisting on his whiskered cheeks. Itachi spares him a glance, before plucking another daffodil, extending his hand towards Naruto, eyes closed while a soft smile blooms on his lips. “Indeed.”

“Where’s Sasuke?” Naruto is curious about his lover’s brother. He’s heard that Sasuke didn’t get into college and it worn off on him for a few days. He wasn’t at Ichiraku’s at all, which was a surprise for the blond. “I haven’t heard from him.”

“You didn’t?” Itachi’s eyebrows raise in confusion, as he straightens up so he is on the same level as the blond before him. Naruto fiddles with the daffodil. He looks _so pure,_ standing there like that. The sun compliments his already tan skin. The wind brings over some blue butterflies, circling Naruto’s body before they let themselves be whisked away. Itachi watches intently.

“No,” Naruto looks down at his hands, looking lost in thought. By this time, the wind blew away his daffodil as well. _The fucking drugs._ “Do you know anything about that?”

Itachi sighs, before he leans forward and softly grips Naruto’s wrists, bringing his hands up to his mouth before placing a few pecks on the blond’s fingers, gaining a giggle from him, “Last time I checked,” and he stares deeply into Naruto’s blue, shimmering eyes, the sun reflecting prettily in them, “he was in his room. I’ll let him know you asked,”

“No,” Naruto rushes, eyes wide. “Don’t tell him.” Itachi raises one of his brows, his forehead wrinkling with the expression. The wind slows down to a stop and the warmth of the sun engulfs them. Summer… Naruto would turn 20 that autumn.

“Why not?” Itachi interlocks his fingers with Naruto’s. “It’s so cute, you know,” he smiles, “that you’re so concerned about my little brother’s well-being. Makes me love you even more.” Naruto blushes. But his mind keeps trailing back to… _the fucking drugs. In his wardrobe. Hidden under the third shirt. Oh shit._

“Yeah,” Naruto tries to smile, but it doesn’t show at the corner of his eyes like it always does. This only makes Itachi’s uneasiness grow even more. “He said he was sad, though.”

“I know,” the sigh that escapes Itachi’s lips is prolongued, “You see… Sasuke has a peculiar way of loving people,” he motions for Naruto to join him as he starts crossing the Uchiha’s garden and stops in front of a bush of roses. From this distance, Itachi’s house, where he still lived with both his parents and his brother, seems a little dot. “When he does love you, you feel it through your bones,” Itachi makes to touch one of the thorns, and Naruto blinks concerned when the first blood of drop slides down, “I saw his ex-girlfriend almost losing her mind. He was seventeen,”

“Ex-girlfriend?” _He didn’t tell his brother that he’s gay?!_

“Yes, why are you so surprised?” Itachi laughs as Naruto crouches next to him by the bush. The heat of July is creeping up on his skin, making sweat pool at his temples. But he enjoyed spending his days in the Uchiha’s garden—it’s peaceful here, like a locked-up paradise. “I don’t remember her name. But he didn’t mention it though.”

Naruto leans in and wraps Itachi’s upper lip into the softest kiss, breathing steadily through his nose. Itachi hums at the pleasant feeling, raising a hand up to meet Naruto’s cheek. It’s soft, and pretty, and good. And _pure._ When Naruto departs, he is met with the kindest look trailing over to his own, alongside Itachi’s honest smile that only dripped love.

“Sasuke is suffocating when he loves. He won’t say that you’re his property,” Itachi rips out a few rose petals, which he lays into Naruto’s extended hand, observing how well the dark scarlet worked against the tanned skin. “But you do feel like he owns you. And once he does, you’ll always be his.”

“Kinda tough,” Naruto remarks, gaining another chuckle from Itachi, who was now sat in the grass b the bush, watching over the garden. Naruto joins him, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Is that why he’s sad? Does he love someone?”

“I don’t think so,” Itachi fumbles for his pack of cigarettes. For a minute there, Naruto is worried that he might set this beautiful garden on fire, but he remembers how well and deftly Itachi always handles everything, and he calms himself down, closing his eyes as he breathes into Itachi’s scent, masculinity combined with soft vanilla—a smell that would never not be recognized somewhere. Naruto hums a tune, “Oh, Beyonce, grant me your presence,” Itachi jokes and Naruto punches him in the same shoulder he was keeping his head on.

“But why is he sad?”

“Baby, relax,” Itachi says in a low voice, meant to calm the boy down, running a hand through Naruto’s soft blond hair which resembles the sun at the moment. “He’ll be fine,” _no he won’t fucking be._ Naruto shuts his eyes.

*

“Hey,” Naruto is taking his shoes off. Itachi remained outside to speak to a neighbour who said he had some important news to spill.

“Oh,” Naruto looks up, but Sasuke disappears like a shadow inside his room. He only saluted briefly. At first, Naruto wanted to follow him to his room or maybe call out to him, but he didn’t find it appropriate. After all, he is Itachi’s boyfriend, and he knows what inhumane rivality can rise between brothers. Even so, by Itachi’s own words, Sasuke was straight. _No he’s not._ Oh my God. Who is even telling the truth anymore? Naruto’s head hurts.

“Ayo, dumbo,” Sasuke yells from his room. Naruto startles, but he doesn’t answer. That would mean he was accepting the insult, which he is _finna not gon do._ He breathes through his nose in anticipation, waiting for Sasuke to come out of his room on the corridor, but he doesn’t say anything after that and Naruto just leaves it at that.

“NARUTO, damnit,” Sasuke croaks from his room. Naruto is currently in the kitchen, smoking a cigarette. He looks towards the corridor, through the open door of the kitchen and blows the smoke through his nostrils, wondering what in the world could Sasuke be doing that he was calling out so desperately.

“Yeah?” Naruto half-yells, trying not to seem too bothersome. His fingers are trembling slightly on the cigarette, but he tries to ignore that. He wants to help Sasuke though. He simply cannot forget the cocaine hidden under his clothes, which he had seen accidentally when he’s had sex with Itachi, Sasuke wasn’t home, and the older brother asked Naruto to borrow some clothes from Sasuke, because he wouldn’t notice. And he didn’t, as far as Naruto is concerned to know.

“Come here, you asshole,” Sasuke growls and Naruto startles again, before rushing over to Sasuke’s room located right by the front door. Itachi’s room was upstairs, which had always been a reason for Sasuke to curse him out. He didn’t feel like he had any privacy with his room located so close to the bathroom, the kitchen, the ligiving room and pretty much _everything._

Naruto pushes the door open, scared shitless, “Yes? Is everything okay?”

“’Course,” Sasuke smirks at him. He’s sitting cross-kegged, shirtless, in the middle of his own bed. His black sheets crumple under his weight—Naruto has always admired that sheet nuance and even asked Itachi if he could get the same ones as well, but Itachi refused, saying he’d feel as if he was lying in some grave. Too much darkness. “Help me choose a TV show, you’re dumb but bet you got good taste,” Naruto wants to punch him in the face. All of that only for a TV Show? Sasuke sure was a drama queen. “What are you staring at?”

“N-Nothing,” Naruto stumbles over his words, before going further into Sasuke’s room. He sees Itachi outside still talking to the neighbour. The man was showing him some articles from a magazine—probably model work, in which Itachi has recently been interested. Naruto gulps as his fingers touch Sasuke’s when he hands him the remote. “Let me see…”

“ _Faster,_ ” Sasuke says from behind him, as Naruto struggles to move through the TV Shows listed on Sasuke’s TV plasm, trying to pick anything that would fit him.

“I’m trying,” Naruto says, voice low, but he sighs frustrated when he doesn’t seem to find anything good enough. “Sorry, Sasuke,” he turns over to face the man, moving to hand him back the remote. “I don’t find anythin—“ Sasuke grasps with all of his force Naruto’s wrist. The remote falls flat into Sasuke’s sheets and the blond freezes, eyes wide and fixated on the pale boy’s face. His dark eyes look like black fires, forever vibrating, something devilish dancing in his pupils.

“There’s a party tonight at Shika’s, heard of it?”

“I’m not really the type to party—“

“Oh yeah, Mrs. Daffodil, understand you perfectly,” something about Sasuke was off. He’s still holding onto dear life on Naruto’s wrist. The blond shifts uncomfortably—he wouldn’t want Itachi to see this and misunderstand.

“Let go, Sasuke,” Naruto frowns down at him, but the frown dissipates when Sasuke glares back at him. The dark locks of hair are pulled back into a bun.

“You coming? Yes or no?”

“No,” Naruto says, trying not to sound too harsh, “Itachi and I are going on a date, I can’t come,” he explains, but Sasuke’s glare only grows deeper at that. Naruto swallows thickly. But then, he hears a soft laughter. What? He’s laughing? He was just _glaring. Something is off._

“Alright, no worries,” Naruto thinks he’s heard a sad undertone, but he ignores it for the moment, being too shy to even speak to the raven-haired boy. Sasuke lets go of his wrist and motions for him to get out of his room and not a word is said after that.

*

Naruto’s apartment is small, with not many decorations. Hell, he doesn’t even own a TV, which made some nasty rumors go around: that he was only seeing Itachi so that he could take advantage of his money and that he had a secret romance with his younger brother, Sasuke, using Itachi in order to get to him. None of these were true, evidently, because Naruto had grown soft of Itachi’s presence over time: he was so lively, so candid, so kind, the absolute opposite of Sasuke, who made him anxious with every move he made. Naruto shuts his eyes off tight in bed. The only reason he was alone tonight was because Itachi had postponed their date—the neighbour told him they needed to check something out tomorrow morning in another city, a modeling casting or something like that and Itachi had to leave the town that evening.

Sasuke’s words ring into his head. The party. His apartment looks like a cage with approaching walls—it’s small, it’s full of spiders. Naruto wants to get out of here. And maybe, just maybe, the party is a good reason to do this. After all, he knows Sasuke, and, moreover, everybody there probably knows that Naruto is Itachi’s boyfriend, which means no one is going to hurt him. That was his utmost worry when he went to parties: getting into some fight with a drunk dude. It made him shiver, just thinking about it. However, this time maybe it would be different… It’s his last party before he lends his motivational letter at the Faculty of Sports—he wanted to be a PE teacher. He liked kids, he had a good form, he had everything he needed in order to fulfill this small, silly dream he had ever since he was a kid.

_I’ll go. The fucking drugs. Dammit._

_*_

The blond slides through the drunken, sweaty figures in the crowd, almost gagging from the smell. He almost didn’t remember how a packed room smelt like and how long it took to forget that damn smell that will linger over you even in your grave. Naruto eyes the crowd, searching for at least one familiar face. He spots Sasuke in one of the corners, facing his back to the crowd, arms crossed. Happy that he’s found someone familiar, Naruto pushes through the crowd with a smile and makes it to Sasuke.

When he arrives, he dares to touch Sasuke’s shoulder, “Hey, I came—“

“Me too,” Sasuke smirks, glancing over his shoulder at Naruto, face inches away from the blond. Only now does Naruto understand why Sasuke wasn’t facing the ground. Shikamaru was on his knees in front of the brunet, gathering up the remaining come on his face only to eat it. Sasuke’s cheeks are flushed, and his nose is particularly red in the left nostril. Naruto gulps, looking away.

“I shouldn’t have seen that—“ Naruto barely whispers. Sasuke can’t hear him over the music. The latter makes to shove his dick back into his pants and unzip them. Naruto flushes dark red and he can’t even face Sasuke anymore.

“So, you decided,” Sasuke leans in closer to Naruto’s ear, so that he can properly hear him. The Pussycat Doll’s Buttons starts booming over the speakers and Sasuke tells Shikamaru to bring some scotch, since Naruto doesn’t seem to want to talk to him right now. “Why?” Sasuke asks, as Shikamaru departs. “I’m talking to you—“ Sasuke is mildly annoyed as he steps into Naruto’s personal space, circling him so that they face each other. The brunet smells like beer, from top to bottom. His clothes hand messily around his body.

Naruto looks down at the floor, “Can we, please, _please,_ talk outside?”

“Hell no,” Sasuke laughs—his eyes always soften when he smiles, “I don’t want to. We’re only getting started,” he explains, “Thank you,” he nods to Shikamaru, staring into the man’s eyes, when he comes back with the Scotch glass. “You’re very much…” he extends a hand to still wipe some cum from the corner of his lips, “ _appreciated,_ ”

“Sasuke—“ Naruto interrupts, frowning his brows, “I’ll be outside, come if you want to, or not,” it’s the first time that the blond seems mildly annoyed with Sasuke and the other raises his eyebrows in surprise, as Naruto makes it past him, cuts the crowd in two and walks out of Shikamaru’s house, the cool summer evening giving him some hope. He can’t take away the image of either Sasuke’s dick or his reddened nostril from his mind.

Circling Shikamaru’s fancy house, Naruto spots a swing and decides to sit on it, while waiting to see if Sasuke will walk out after him or not. He can’t tell Itachi about what he found, but he can surely at least try to confront the brunet about it. If he kept going like this, he’d be wrecked. His family already knew about the alcohol—but the drugs, oh the drugs would absolutely ruin them and their whole perception of their past, perfect little boy. What a waste.

Naruto sighs, watching the soles of his feet lightly graze the ground below, as he swings back and forth, harder and harder. He lets his head fall back. The stars in the sky look like freckles, and Naruto smiles at this thought. Purity. Sobriety. He has never had alcohol, and this party wasn’t going to be a headpoint for that.

Naruto loses balance as the swing stops suddenly and he falls off it, hitting the hard ground below.

“Jeez,” Sasuke’s voice is relaxed, “What got you so scared?” Naruto struggles to get up from the ground. He hopes he hasn’t broken anything, since he fell on his face and propped himself into his elbows. His clothes are full of dust and he hates himself for wearing white today. “It’s just me, dobe.”

“You could’ve made a better entrance,” Sasuke smiles sheepishly at him, before raising his leg to sit on the side of the swing, watching a now straightened up Naruto, who was looking down at him with a front. The red patch under his nostril grew bigger. _A bloody nose?_

“Be honest with me,” Naruto starts. They’re alone and the music inside booms so loudly that Naruto doubts anyone would hear them. Sasuke hums, tilting his head up. His eyes are empty—Naruto feels like really, there might be nobody _inside._ “Promise?”

Sasuke tilts his head to the other side, giving another sheepish smile as an answer. Naruto knows he can count on him. Sasuke was so straight-forward that it seemed impossible he’d be able to lie like that, right in his face. Naruto takes a deep breath. The wind around them intensifies and the summer night turns both cooler and older. “Do you snort cocaine?”

Sasuke freezes. There is no movement at all, not even a single itch. Naruto feels the tension around them growing. _Please don’t lie to me._ Sasuke seems to catch the way tears well up into Naruto’s eyes, out of frustration, as the brunet stays quiet.

“How is this any of your business?” the affirmation isn’t voiced, but Naruto just _gets_ it. Oh fuck. “You’re my brother’s boyfriend,” a frown forms between his eyebrows. The blond’s fingers tremble and he tries his best to stop his crying as Sasuke eyes him intently. “Are you a snitch?” He suddenly gets up. “What did you find?”

Sasuke moves closer to Naruto faster, making the other step back. Naruto is scared of him. _He’s drugged. Shit. Drugged out of his mind._ A drop of blood streams down from Sasuke’s nose, but he doesn’t seem to notice it at all. It eventually draws on his pale lips, coloring them weirdly. Naruto searches his face, but he finds no emotion in it besides of anger.

Sasuke’s palm comes up to Naruto’s cheek and a shiver runs up the blond’s spine, remembering the same way Itachi touched him earlier in the morning. His heart leaps up into his throat, daring to pop out and walk a million miles away from here. The wind makes the leaves of the trees fall all around them, as the swing moves by itself.

Sasuke drags a finger across Naruto’s whisker-like marks, “ _Neko,_ are you a snitch?” The Japanese word for cat. Oh shit, Naruto is sure he’s going to throw up by this point. Sasuke gets even closer—he towers over Naruto, full of menace. _What should I do?_

Sasuke’s eyes look lost. _He’s not there. Not at all. The fucking drugs. The cocaine. The scotch. Oh my god._

“I care… about you,” Naruto speaks, almost like a whisper, and Sasuke pushes him. He stumbles back on his feet and tries to gain proper balance. “I don’t want to—fight—“ Naruto’s eyes grow wide and he circles around the swing, trying to get away from _the junkie._ He’s not in his right mind, anything could happen, _anything._ Naruto gulps.

“Sasuke, get a FUCKING GRIP!” Naruto asks, as a large grin spreads over Sasuke’s face. If anyone asked Naruto about what it resembled like, he’d say he was faced with a psychopath. “Sasuke—“

Sasuke moves swiftly around the swing, getting a strong hold onto Naruto’s collar, lifting him up. Naruto struggles to breathe, but Sasuke doesn’t stop. Rather, he goes harder, pushing Naruto again and the blond falls on his back, hitting the ground again. Before he can notice it, Sasuke is on top of him, grabbing him by the collar again and staring absent-mindedly into his eyes, _like a damn demon._ Alcohol and Cocaine? _Fuck._

“Get a grip,” Naruto warns, voice low, trying to keep himself composed, even though Sasuke was more muscular than him. He knew he could get his ass beat. But he didn’t care about it. He wanted Sasuke to stop. “You’re wasting yourself away,” Naruto dares to say, much to Sasuke’s surprise. The brunet was shocked that Naruto got some nerve under that angelic face who blew daffodils and counted rose petals. _Soft. Terrible. Tempting. Fuck._

Another drop of blood falls from Sasuke’s nose straight on Naruto’s white shirt and he seems to get dizzy, because his grip on Naruto lessens and his eyes close slowly, rolling into the back of his head. Naruto’s face reads panic and he struggles to sit up, grabbing Sasuke’s shoulders. _Fuck._

“Can you talk?” Naruto says rapidly, as Sasuke brings a hand up to his nose, failing to open his eyes. By this point, he cannot maintain his balance. He falls to his side before Naruto can catch him. The wind around them stops—it feels like the entire world has stopped. The songs inside get only louder. No one knows about this. _They can’t know about this._

“Sasuke, can you hear me?” The nod is soft, but it’s still there. “THROW IT THE FUCK UP!” The alcohol. Leave the drugs alone. _Oh fuck._ Naruto’s hands are trembling. Sasuke shuts his eyes off tight. Half of his face is covered in the mud which he’s lying on. Naruto doesn’t make any moves—holding him on his back might be fatal. Instead, he struggles to pull him up so that he faces downwards.

“Throw it up,” Naruto says, panic growing more and more as Sasuke becomes more unresponsive. Naruto holds Sasuke by the waist with one arm while searching for his phone in his pockets. He doesn’t have it. It might have fallen when Sasuke pushed him earlier. But there’s mud and high grass here. _My fuckign God._ “I said…” Naruto almost yells, but he has to be careful. If he gives Sasuke away, everyone will know, and the rumors will reach Itachi and Sasuke’s parents.

Sasuke is on all fours, held up by the waist by a merely desperate Naruto. _I have to do this._

Naruto tries not to move Sasuke too much as he moves closer to his front. Sasuke’s eyes are shut tight and he’s panting through his nose. _This is bad. I have to do it._ Naruto swallows up as the nausea creeps into his throat but he tries to keep it down, as he reaches a hand towards Sasuke’s mouth, pulls it open and shoves his fingers down his throat. Sasuke’s body finally responds, with convulsions as he throws up what Naruto thinks are at least two bottles of alcohol. _He’s fucking gone. This is so bad._ The vomit goes down on Naruto’s sleeve, but he doesn’t have to care about that right now. His other arm is holding Sasuke up. The brunet mumbles something incoherently when the vomiting stops, but Naruto frowns and pushes his fingers down his throat again. Sasuke throws up for the second time, looking like he was about to cough his lungs out. Naruto thinks these sounds will stay imprinted on his brain forever. He wonders how the fuck he will clear up his arm after this. Everything smells like damn _rotten_ alcohol. Sasuke’s noise is full on bleeding.

“How much did you take?!” Naruto asks, so mad, as Sasuke breathes through the rounds of vomit. “How much?! Are you fucking stupid?” Sasuke has never heard Naruto speak to him like that. Any shyness was gone whatsoever. His arm was drowning in vomit. “Stop treating yourself like a joke! Who fucking gave you that?”

Sasuke’s body convulses again, but he doesn’t throw up, he just gags helplessly. Naruto moves his arms finally, disposing of his sweater. It was filled with vomit, mug and whatever else there was on the ground—Naruto didn’t want to know. Sasuke can’t breathe through his nose anymore, and his pants are louder. The blond drapes over him and drags his body towards his chest so that he sits up right. “Get a grip,” Naruto pleads this time, as the blood stains both his hands and Naruto’s chest. His eyes are still closed, but his face looks more relaxed. “Sasuke—“

“Uh,” it’s all Sasuke can utter. The blood comes in fucking waves. Naruto lifts Sasuke’s left arm up, trying to stop the rapid blood flow. He’s fucking gone. _Gone gone._ Naruto swears that he is going to beat this boy’s ass someday, no matter how fragile he was compared to Sasuke.

“I can’t call 119,” that was the Japanese number, specialized for ambulances, “I don’t know where my phone is. Stay with me—“ Naruto is desperate again, as Sasuke’s nosebleed simply wouldn’t stop. Sasuke might face jail if Naruto tells Shikamaru about it—his dad is a cop, and Sasuke has drugs on him. Oh my god.

“Stay with me,” Naruto says again, moving to face Sasuke, his knees digging into the mud where Sasuke’s blood had fallen. Naruto decides that the first second he gets home he’ll put these clothes in the trash. “Sasuke—“ the brunet opens one eye.

“Ever seen a dead evil?” the sheepish smile is slightly back, the nosebleed isn’t that heavy anymore and all Naruto wants is to thank the Heavens. If he didn’t decide to come to the party, Sasuke would have probably been dead in some ditch. Thank God he came. Thank God.

“I’m so glad, so glad,” Naruto’s eyes fill up with tears and he squats forward to pull Sasuke into a tight hug. They’re both messy as fuck, the smell is horrible—it takes Naruto a prayer to all the gods out there to not throw up. Sasuke is still slightly panting, voice hoarse.

Naruto has never been more thankful that Shikamaru was neighbours with the Uchihas.

*

They’re both naked in the bathroom, clothes thrown in the trash. Naruto runs Sasuke a bath and holds him up as he waits for the tub to fill up. A mildly cold bath. That was the solution. Sasuke’s skin was burning.

Under any other conditions, Sasuke would have probably made some comments about Naruto being a cheater because he’s showing his dick to another man, or about his apparently small dick or something else he could tease Naruto and panic him with. But this time it was different. As the tub fills, Sasuke stares at himself into the mirror. The blood has dried on his upper lip and on his chin. Naruto is right behind him, blond hair sticking up in all directions. Both of them are a wreck.

“Don’t ever do this again,” Naruto whispers, mostly to himself as he helps Sasuke into the bathtub by lifting him slightly, trying not to touch his butt in the process but failing. Sasuke’s form is as muscular as Naruto expected it to be—his legs were full of muscles from playing sports most of his teenage years. How could that healthy young boy turn into this junkie? Naruto shivers. He’s naked and it’s cold.

Sasuke winces at the cold water. Naruto pours some shampoo into his hand, before crouching next to the tub. He uses the shower cap to wet Sasuke’s hair before patting the shampoo in. Sasuke tilts his head back into the touch, eyes shut off, moaning slightly from the pain. All of his bones hurt. Naruto kept him moving all the time—it’s what he learned about possible drug overdoses—the person wasn’t allowed to fall asleep. So he was going to talk Sasuke’s ear off for the next hours, until he’s sure the brunet is safe.

“For the love of God or whatever the fuck you believe in,” the daffodil boy was gone, Naruto was still mad—“don’t ever do this to yourself again, or I’m gonna come for you.”

“Come for me?” Sasuke cracks a quiet joke, smiling slightly. Naruto snorts at that.

“You’re a nerd.”

“Same to you,” another moan escapes Sasuke’s lips. One of his bones crack. “Jesus…” he is still absent-minded, but he hasn’t hallucinated yet. Naruto considered that a pretty good sign.

After properly cleaning and rinsing Sasuke’s black hair off, he grabbed the shower cap and wet the brunet’s torso, where all the, _uhm, damage,_ had perished everything. Sasuke’s head falls to the side, as if to fall asleep and Naruto lightly slaps him, much for him to startle.

“Thanks,” Sasuke mutters, looking at Naruto from under his eyelashes, weakly, as Naruto made sure to clean his body thoroughly with the sponge he believed was actually Itachi’s, but he didn’t have time to think about that too. From the looks of it, even if he threw up his fucking entire stomach, Sasuke still had that drunken aura drape over him like a sickly coat.

“Don’t thank me,” Naruto says simply, “Fuck, I can’t reach there,” Naruto tries his best, but he can’t wash Sasuke from a sitting position. And he certainly can’t do it himself. Sasuke’s parents are going to come back only next weekend from a business trip—but oh, Itachi would be home probably tomorrow, and tomorrow was in only a few hours. Modeling castings take about a day.

Sasuke stands up in the tub dizzily with Naruto’s never ending help. Before Sasuke can even open his eyes, Naruto jumps in the bath with him. “I’m gonna wash too, give me two minutes, hang in there, _please”_ Sasuke nods briefly, as he watches Naruto’s upper body moves fast to wash himself as Sasuke leaned against the cold tiles of the wall. He was freezing. His knees feel like jelly.

Sasuke’s body would have given in if Naruto wasn’t there to catch his waist and pull him towards him. Sasuke’s eyes widen in surprise and his dizziness takes over him even more. They stand like that for a few moments until Naruto is sure that Sasuke can regain his balance. After he does, Naruto turns on the shower and rinses them both out. He’s the first one to step out of the tub in order to bring a towel for both himself and Sasuke.

“Cute,” Naruto chuckles, as he wraps up Sasuke in the towel. “You’re a burrito,” Naruto continues to chuckle as he pushes Sasuke in front of the bathroom mirror so he can see himself. A pink towel is wrapped around his entire body, his head inclusively. He rolls his eyes. “Hey, don’t fucking joke like that—“

“I might,” Sasuke says simply. “I can walk, I’m fine,” he says when Naruto makes to accompany him to his bedroom. The bathroom stinks and Naruto remains there to clean up the mess while Sasuke settles on the edge of the bed in his room.

*

“Don’t fall asleep,” Naruto’s glare cuts through a sleepy Sasuke.

“I’m not,” he says. “Kiss me,”

Naruto was currently trying to find a change of clothes to put on from Sasuke’s wardrobe. Itachi’s clothes didn’t fit him at all-they were too damn big. Naruto’s face _falls._

“What did you say?”

“I said,” Sasuke peeks up at him from under the blanket, shirtless, hair still wet. The red by his nostril has gotten paler, which Naruto deemed as a good sign yet again. Sasuke at least wasn’t on the verge of death anymore. “Kiss me. Can you?” his voice is a breathy whisper and his eyes have an unknown shimmer in them.

“No,” Naruto denies firmly, “I’m not fucking cheating on Itachi, moreover with his damn brother,” he says, pulling out a red t-shirt and some black sweatpants from Sasuke’s wardrobe, before putting them in. He didn’t bother with the underwear. All of their clothes were in the trash anyway. At Sasuke’s insistence, the brunet remained naked under the covers. He felt itchy, his skin burning.

“’Kay, neko,” Sasuke says, turning in bed. He winces again. Everything hurts. “I think I’m gonna be sick again.”

Naruto sighs.

*

“How much longer do I have to stay up? You’re exaggerating,” Sasuke complains. He is now lying naked on top of the sheets. It doesn’t bother Naruto, but he doesn’t look in his direction either.

“Just stay,” _with me,_ Naruto replied, equally sleepy.

“I’m bored,” groaned Sasuke, shifting his hips against the mattress. They didn’t even turn the TV on at Naruto’s request, because the blond wanted to hear Itachi come in in case he … well, arrived finally.

“Let’s… get to know each other then,” Naruto suggested. He sits on Sasuke’s gamer chair, inspecting his nails. “20 Questions tag. You start.”

“Huh?” Sasuke mumbles. “My brain’s too fried for that,”

Naruto sighs. He’s right. He is exhausted and he feels sick.

“Wait here, I’m gonna be back,” Sasuke is confused, but he takes it as it is. “Don’t fall asleep. I’m gonna come to find you in hell and haunt you if you do.” Sasuke wanted to say _whatever_ , but angry Naruto was quite scary, so he passed on that.

*

_Kiss me. Kiss me._

_That sweet sound… what had gotten over him?_ Naruto splashed cold water on his face.

_This is bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was not beta'd so if you see any context mistakes pls point them out  
> im constantly trying to edit and change stuff up so that this comes over consistently  
> tell me whatchu thinkkkkk i love hearing it  
> If theres anyone still reading this yall are the GOAT


	7. The secret confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ! THE BEGINNING IS THE SECOND PART OF THE FLASHBACK  
> then we go back to the normal story  
> lmfao if that was confusing im s o sorry  
> a shorter chap this time bc i just needed to get back on track ~  
> i also changed the title and i keep changing it shskdbdj im sorry  
> if this story is terrible im sorry as well but i like the idea and im gonna finish this at around 15 chapters or something like that? if anyone s still reading, kudos to u!!!
> 
> THIS CHAPTER'S SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOegVDm_Z2s (hurts-weight of the world)

Playing cards on the edge of Sasuke’s bed has been the last plan of the night in order to keep the brunet awake, so that the drugs in his system could get washed away and he wouldn’t overdose. Naruto is sleepy as well, his eyes are almost falling shut, his eyelashes tickling the apples of his cheeks as sleep washes over him. Sasuke is pale, with prominent dark circles rounding his beautiful, onyx eyes. Even so, his hands are deft with the cards, and he smirks occasionally when he sees Naruto struggling with his first move. His black hair falls around his face, shaping it, blue-black complementing his dark gaze,

“Hey, you lost,” Naruto scoffs. The smirk never leaves the brunet’s lips as he puts his cards down and makes to lie on his back in the now messy sheets of his bed. Their black nuance contrasts with his pale skin. Naruto makes to gather up all the cards and put them back in their packaging, officially out of ideas in order to keep Sasuke awake at least a little more.

“I guess you’re right, I lost,” Naruto scratches the back of his head with an embarrassed, sheepish smile. Awkwardly. _Cute_. Sasuke motions for him to lie next to him. Naruto spares him a glance, surprised. The sheets rustle under Sasuke’s form as he swiftly moves so that Naruto has some space to lie down, “I don’t… think that’s a good idea,”

“I’m just being polite,” Sasuke says, before yawning into his fist. “Even so, got any brand new ideas? My head hurts like a bitch,”

The playful look inside Sasuke’s gaze dances and floats in the dark pupils. Naruto finally gives in, lying next to him in the bed, but keeping a distance. His heart leaps into his throat when Sasuke turns to face him in the bed. _Kiss me kiss me. What does he want with me?_

“Why do you like Itachi?” the question comes suddenly, taking Naruto aback. In truth, Naruto didn’t even have time to wonder on all the reasons why he liked Itachi in detail, but perhaps Sasuke didn’t want a _damn essay_ on that. Perhaps he’s just curious—even though something in his voice resides in bitterness. Naruto keeps his eyes locked on the ceiling as he breathes in, trying to think coherently through all the waves of sleep. Sasuke’s clothes are warm and comfortable all around him—but it wasn’t the first time he wore them, anyway.

“Mmm?” Sasuke leans in closer, sliding towards Naruto. The blonde’s body tenses and he makes to pull the sheets over himself, suddenly getting cold.

“Well, he’s kind,” Naruto says simply, now cradled by Sasuke’s sheets. They smelt like masculine cologne, mixed with a bit of shower gel. Alexander Mcqueen? Hm. Naruto doesn’t know for sure. “He’s kind and he is… different,” Naruto forgets to mention that Itachi was the first guy who took an interest in him, and that’s a part of why he even adored Itachi in the first place, even though there was an age gap between them. Naruto gulps under Sasuke’s curious eyes.

“Is that all?” the breathy chuckle that leaves Sasuke’s lips has Naruto’s stomach churning. _Is he mocking me?_ The brunet shifts in bed and props himself on his elbows as he lies on his stomach, looking down at Naruto with a soft smile on his lips. _Cute._ Only now does Naruto realize his resemblance to his brother, as it is, almost identical, safe for the tear-troughs. He unconsciously tilts his head in Sasuke’s direction and inspects further on his features, eyes lying on his lips for a few seconds.

“What are you looking at?” Sasuke asks, voice almost a puff of air, but it echoes ghostly in the room. Naruto is still staring, thinking about their resemblance, so fervently that he doesn’t even hear Sasuke’s attempt to speak. He just stares absent-mindedly, another wave of sleep washing over him. Sasuke’s soft, warm breath falls over the apples of his whiskered-cheeks.

Maybe it was the sleep, maybe it was the care, the grin, the blond hair, his tanned skin, the rivalry with his brother… Naruto can’t keep counting all possible reasons… But Sasuke’s lips on his own fit perfectly, they move smoothly, almost like Itachi’s, but there’s something about it, hot and… devilish? Naruto stops in his tracks, feeling Sasuke tense on his lips. But, much to Naruto’s surprise, when Sasuke draws back, suddenly remembering, suddenly _realizing_ , but still not saying anything. Naruto whimpers, wraps an arm over the brunet’s neck and pulls him down into another fervent kiss, so passionate, feeling so wrong but so right—at this point, being almost asleep, due to their resemblance, Naruto didn’t even realize that he was kissing Sasuke. Naruto’s system was invaded by exhaustion, by tiredness, he was touch-starved… he was… he was…

Itachi was in the doorframe.

“All the reasons in the world wouldn’t justify this shit,” Itachi spat, dangerously eyeing a naked Sasuke, straddling his boyfriend. His eyes pierced through the boys’, especially through Naruto’s pained ones. _It wasn’t on purpose. Or was it?_ Itachi wasn’t supposed to be there so early, but he came back, noticing that he’d forgotten his ID. When he looked at Naruto, the blonde could only read disappointment in his eyes. _I didn’t realize. What—why did he do it in the first place?_

“It’s my fault—“ Sasuke tried, standing up, going after Itachi. All he got was a slammed door. He heard a kick in the distance. Naruto’s sobs filled the air. Knowing that he had probably lost his bond with his only brother, he ran to the door-frame and yelled, “Get the fuck out,” Oh right, the resemblance. Naruto sobbed as he put his shoes on.

_I never meant to do any harm._

And he never visited the Uchihas again. He even moved towns.

*

“Sasuke… get a grip…” Naruto pleads, watching the grown man crumble in his arms like Rome. His forehead is sweaty, his cheeks are tear-stained, wet, flushed and so is his nose and the cupid-bow. They’re on the floor, Sasuke sobbing in the crook of Naruto’s neck, hot breath fawning over Naruto’s cold skin. He shivers.

“Come on…” Naruto whispers, bringing a hand up to brush Sasuke’s hair out of his chest when he departs, all sobs, all cries—it took everything in Naruto not to start crying as well. He never expected an apology in the first place. The things he had hidden in his heart are starting to resurface—fuck. This is why he even became a therapist in the first place. He applied for Sasuke’s drug problem, for Itachi’s lack of confidence… and when they both slammed their door on him, he wanted to heal his own heart. Or rather, if his own heart couldn’t be healed, he’d rather heal someone else’s heart. He loved seeing happy couples, because he had lost everything when he saw Itachi’s dangerous gaze lie upon his form.

“Get a grip!” Naruto all but glares at Sasuke who is starting to hyperventilate, trying to put some sense into him, his chest heaving up and down. Naruto’s eyes widen as Sasuke’s lips turn purple and he swiftly gets up from the floor, running to get the man a bottle of water. Sasuke looks absolutely _wrecked._ It’s 3:30 am, he’s been crying for a solid 30 minutes.

“It’s nothing… it’s nothing… Time passed, you know,” Naruto tries to reassure as Sasuke gulps down the water slowly, trying his best not to choke. Naruto eyes him intently. _Fuck._ His own heart leaps in his throat, forming a painful lump there. _I can’t bawl my eyes here. I worked so hard on myself._ Sasuke sobs one more time before he hides his face in his palms, sitting with his back against the edge of Naruto’s bed.

“I’m sorry…” his words are almost inaudible, slipping out like a mantra he keeps saying. But Naruto’s forgiveness is not enough right now. _Nothing_ is enough right now. _Why? Why the fuck did you do that?_ Naruto would ask if Sasuke was stable, but he wasn’t. The blond man extends a palm forward and places it on his chest. His heart is beating so fast that Naruto thinks he might just faint. The dim light in the bedroom might be of some help… but _it’s still not enough._

“I forgave you a long time ago,” Naruto whispers, looking Sasuke in the eye when his hands come down. The blue eyes shimmer in the dim light, like two beautiful sapphire diamonds. _Fuck. I love you, Naruto. I always did._

“Naruto,” Sasuke starts suddenly, firmly. Naruto startles, but his blue eyes are two curious diamonds, looking down at Sasuke. He is currently straddling the man’s knees, looking in his face as if Sasuke was about to die. But you couldn’t blame him—panic attacks are nasty. Naruto was concerned.

“Yeah?” Naruto asks, heart booming in his ears. Even so, he remains composed on the surface, aside from the slightly wet eyes. He fought tears back with so much determination.

Naruto can see Sasuke’s lips part. The words slip out, so quickly, that Naruto doesn’t have time to take them in. His face falls, his stomach drops, his knees give in and he’s basically sitting on top of Sasuke’s legs, like some left behind jelly. His eyes lose the shimmer. His voice doesn’t work anymore, his throat tightens…

_Fuck._

“Sasuke,” it’s all he can say. The sheepish smile is still the same as it was back in the day. Naruto leans forward, as a tear escapes his eye miserably, “Fuck you. _Fuck you._ ”

Pain. _Pain._ Sasuke’s sheepish smile remains.

Naruto crumbles. Not like Rome this time, but along with his entire world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy that was a lot for so short a chap im ): soz  
> what do u think sasuke said? <:


	8. Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy--  
> shorter chapter :p

They say… how do you murder someone? Kiss them once and never again. Those words poison every crevice of Naruto’s brain, making his head spin. He’s fuming, he’s trembling, his tears are falling down on his face, under Sasuke’s soft look, keeping his fingers locked on Naruto’s nape, patting it lightly as a sign of reassurance.

_I was selfish._

Naruto hiccups, covering his face with his palms. No matter what thoughts he tries to think, what smiles he tries to sketch, the tears don’t stop. It’s pathetic. He’s a therapist, he is supposed to be stable. But the memories… all of it seemed unclear, clad with alcohol, with young nights. Even though Naruto has never stepped into Uchihas’ residence again, he bumped into Sasuke at some occasional parties before he moved towns. He doesn’t know if it was the bitterness, the need to prove himself that he was a damn _good_ cheater. It was better to feel like a piece of shit instead of having to face all of the guilt that came with Itachi’s expression that day. He had indulged in a drunk Sasuke for a few times, but Sasuke wasn’t all that drunk as he used to be. But so was Naruto. Whiskey had become his best friend for a few months before he left with no trails. Sasuke’s hands during those nights had burned scars in his soul. He left when he fell in love. As much as his heart told him to, he wouldn’t have been able to indulge in Itachi’s little brother further on, like a boyfriend. After all, the last night they saw each other, Sasuke muttered drunkenly ‘the Uchiha’s favorite whore’ in his ear and then disappeared in the crowd, leaving Naruto’s heart to sink inside his chest with guilt and shame.

“You never apologized till now,” Naruto whispers matter-of-factly, voice hoarse from his sobs and the wheezes that left him in waves, “Thank you.”

Naruto is grateful. The Uchiha brothers were breathtaking, seductive, they were too much. But if Naruto was ever asked to pick, he would choose Sasuke. Unexplainably. Hell, he’d even choose Sasuke if the unintentional cheating matters never happened. He’d choose him over and over again. Those black sheets are imprinted on the back of his eyelids. That clean, masculine smell couldn’t be forgotten, not even with hypnosis. Naruto clenches his fists. _I was just a whore back then to him, and now he’s married. Get a grip. Prove yourself better._

The thought that he might end up turning Sasuke into a cheater sounds like a good revenge, but it doesn’t sit right with Naruto’s heart. He has to stop this, he has to step over it, no matter what it takes. Sakura is innocent, she doesn’t deserve it, and Naruto knows better. But at the same time, aside of revenge, Naruto has always wondered what it felt like to be loved by Sasuke and not be the one hopelessly in love. He feels miserable. He fell in love with the man whom he cheated with on his boyfriend. A _sinner. Messing up someone’s idea of love._ This is the reason why he would never dare ask Sasuke about Itachi and he wouldn’t even stand to hear it.

He starts sobbing again. All of Itachi’s kindness didn’t compare to the evil fascination that Sasuke had risen in him back in the day, with his cold eyes, his sarcastic smile, his messy hair, his cologne, the way his skin wrapped around his gracious bones and strong muscles… Naruto sobs even harder, whimpering now. He’s never let it out up until this moment. _Why wasn’t Itachi enough for me? I would’ve been happier._ Naruto’s mind travels back to how Itachi sometimes mentioned marriage. It’s enough to make him crumble harder. The only reason why he doesn’t scream into his hands out of pain is that he doesn’t want to make Kakashi suspicious. Aside from Itachi, Naruto and Sasuke, nobody knew.

“Don’t touch me,” Naruto whispers breathily, squirming as Sasuke holds his nape. He wants to escape. _Yes, touch me. Fuck._ His sobs keep falling out of his pretty mouth. Sasuke watches with a pained expression, eyes filling up with tears. He knew that he fucked it up for Naruto. He knew that he turned him into a cheater. He knew that even though he was the one to kiss him, he blamed him afterwards. The Uchiha’s ego was immeasurable. Sasuke would never accept his wrongdoings. But, as he watches Naruto lose himself in front of him, his heart aches. He’s never seen such a cry not even in the emergency room as someone got saved of suicide and regretted it deeply.

“Naruto…” Sasuke’s voice is soft and it echoes in the room. The blond startles. “That’s enough,” now he’s the one trying to reassure Naruto, earlier on he was the one being reassured. But no matter how much they try, it’s not better, it’s not right, it just doesn’t stop. Sasuke’s own eyes well up with tears.

Sasuke leans forward and his lips brush on the corner of Naruto’s mouth. The blond’s eyes widen and he draws back fast, glaring. Sasuke watches him intently.

“You never fucking changed,” Naruto growls. “Over and over and over again,” frustration slips right out of him and he looks borderline dangerous. “I’m exhausted, Sasuke,” his voice cracks. “I stopped chasing you,” his eyes are wet, but his voice is strong. However, Sasuke is not taken aback in the least. “Again and again,” Naruto shuts his eyes off tight, furrowing his eyebrows. The first punch goes straight into the tiles of the floor. Sasuke’s eyes widen.

“Naruto!”

“I’m alone, I’ve been alone ever since,” the tears slip through Naruto’s already wet eyelashes. Another punch hits the edge of the bed, right next to Sasuke. The brunet startles and looks up at him. “What did I ever do to you?” Naruto’s blue eyes pierce into Sasuke’s own, confused gaze. _He’s lost it._

“I’m successful, I built this empire on my own,” Naruto’s fist falls down and he gropes Sasuke’s wrist desperately, pleading, “Please, please, _for the love of God,_ don’t fuck it up for me,” his blue eyes have gotten rid of the anger, but desperation was replacing it. Sasuke doesn’t know which one hurts more: Naruto punching in a rage-fit or him pleading for the brunet to leave him alone.

“Is it too late?” Sasuke gulps. _I want a divorce._

Naruto glares, “Sakura is my patient,” his voice is filled with grogginess, his throat hurts, there’s a lump forming in his chest. He has to get a grip.

“So what?” Sasuke’s cold. _Of course._ “Naruto, it’s been a while, but,” Sasuke wipes the rest of the tears on his own cheeks, before moving up, leaving Naruto on the floor, a serious expression laid out on his face. “I want you. Desperately. You know I do.”

Naruto stares up at him, in shock. He had the same feeling as he did back then; the coldness of the Uchiha. Naruto was impressed that Sasuke could be so cold after just bawling his eyes out to him earlier.

“What do you want with me?” Naruto glares, voice unsteady, his fingers are trembling. This gives him out. “For fuck’s sake, you’re a psychiatrist!” Naruto stands up as well, moving so close to Sasuke that they’re almost touching foreheads. He glares deeply into his onyx eyes, but Sasuke is firm and determined. “You’re supposed to fix people’s fucking shit, not fucking ruin them! SASUKE!” The glare deepens and Naruto hopelessly grabs the man’s collar, pulling him towards him.

Sasuke looks at Naruto’s grip on him, before looking back up with a smirk curling his lips. The wet trails of tears still persist on his cheeks.

“I’m aware of something you aren’t, _neko,_ ” Naruto’s breath hitches in his neck, and the grip loosens. “That is… someone who couldn’t even fix himself, cannot fix other people. I’m quitting,” Sasuke’s decision is firm. His voice sounds as if he’s thought this over and over. Naruto’s eyes flare up.

“You’re absolutely _not_ giving up on yourself,”

“It’s not for me. And I also hope you know that, I’m getting a divorce.”

Naruto falls back on the bed, searching Sasuke’s face for any sign of a particular joke, but nothing gives it away. His glare melts and is replaced by sadness as he thinks of Sakura, of how much she’ll have to endure, of how hard it’ll be to keep her on her feet when Sasuke finally leaves or brings in the news of the divorce. His heart sinks into his chest. _The young Uchiha has never stopped breaking hearts._

“Neko, I might be terribly wrong about it, but, keep this in mind,” Sasuke gets closer, tilting Naruto’s chin up. The blond doesn’t move away, but swallows thickly, never breaking eye contact with Sasuke. His blue eyes are reddened on the edges from bawling his eyes out. “I might be a piece of shit for abandoning those people that need me, my patients and… especially Sakura Haruno,” Naruto’s eyes grow wider with realization. He knows what’s coming, and nothing can prepare him for it. “But, unlike you, _I’m not lying to myself._ You are your own worst enemy, you’ll never win the fight.”

Naruto doesn’t realize the warmth on his chin is gone, or that the door closes, or that he is alone, or that he is one of the most successful sex therapists. That he’s well-versed in the art of love, technically speaking. He doesn’t remember all of the shelves of books back in his office or in his mansion. He doesn’t remember the way to love and he’s never learned of being loved anyway.

He suddenly stands up and storms after Sasuke on the corridor, eyes wide in fear. He spots the man in the distance. _He’s waiting for the elevator._ Naruto runs to him, his soles hitting hard against the floor of the hotel corridor. Sasuke moves his attention to him.

They spend a moment in silence, looking intently at each other as the elevator moves to the assigned floor--Sasuke had to wait for it to arrive. He tilts his head at the panting Naruto Uzumaki, who keeps looking around, checking to see if anybody is hearing or spying on them.

The blond reaches forward for Sasuke’s wrist, grasping it within both of his hands.

Naruto opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. His pleading eyes are staring into Sasuke’s own as the brunet lifts up his other hand and brushes his thumb over the blond’s bottom lip, sending a shiver in Naruto’s body.

“Do you love me?” Naruto asks, genuinely concerned. _I’ll stop this here, I’ll reject him._

“No,” Sasuke replies with a smirk, taking into the unexplainable pain in Naruto’s eyes. _Oh._

“But I could’ve, if you let me.”

The doors of the elevators open and Sasuke walks inside, leaning against the railing.

“Do you?” Sasuke asks.

“I don’t. Or at least, I could never love you the way I loved Itachi,” Naruto lies through his teeth. Sasuke’s eyes widen. _Yeah, right, hurt him so he doesn’t come back to fuck you up._ It’s the best way Naruto could deal with it right now, stepping on his feelings. _I always loved you._

The doors of the elevator close, too slowly for Naruto’s liking, as he stares back into Sasuke’s empty eyes, his chest heaving. He clenches his fists as the doors close completely and the elevator moves lower, leaving Naruto on his own on the corridor.

_It’s better this way. It's better this way... man up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha pain  
> what do u think sasuke will do now? lmfao  
> poor dude


	9. cheater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i would like to mention that this chapter is very important to me, since it contains naruto's speech about the personality disorder which i had also been dealing with. it's a very personal touch, close to reality. if any of you find yourselves amongst these humble words, please go seek out a professional, talk to those alike or even if you know someone (maybe your partner) who acts like this, encourage them to get help.
> 
> also, i am studying psychology (as a minor), but this is written from a patient's point of view  
> please judge of me tenderly <3
> 
> oh and also, this is pretty much educative, outside of a storyline  
> give notice to mental issues. they're so important. we always live inside our heads and we have to make it a pretty place, no matter what. be brave <3

The dread is overwhelming him, he feels his head spinning. _It’s better like this._ As if it’s a mantra, the thought resounds through all the crevices of his brain, trying to convince himself of it. But no matter how much he said it, over and over again, the weight of the world plasters itself on his shoulders, weighing heavier than expected. Naruto strolls back exhausted to his hotel room, his course of thought perverted by Sasuke’s soft eyes that looked into his so fondly, like never before. His fist clenches as soon as he closes the door. If he actually owned this place, he’d punch everything.

Naruto plops down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He has to get a grip. Outside of Sakura, he has other patients, worse cases, a lot of paperwork to do—so much work, that he can’t afford to be sad, to be perverted, to be so conflicted, so miserable. His heart aches with unforgotten love. As he tries to fall asleep, he wonders if Sasuke has become a man of his word. Oh, what a hit it would be on Sakura if the divorce papers were handed to her in a few weeks, especially after the unfortunate event. And how he would have to pick her pieces up again. Therapists have managed to build up a strong wall between their emotions and the emotions of their patients. It is the first time that Naruto regrets picking up a case, and as he dozes off to sleep finally, three hours into squirming restlessly against the cold bedsheets, he seriously considers it. Leaving the case up to Tsunade suddenly doesn’t seem such a bad idea.

*

“Easy,” Naruto advises, as Sakura sits up in bed groggily, eyes unfocused. She looks lost and confused. It has been two weeks and still not a word from Sasuke. However, she hasn’t asked of him so far, almost as if she has entirely forgotten of his existence, and Naruto is beyond thankful, because he’d have no idea how to explain, how to make it a bit softer, easier, plainer. He holds Sakura’s forearm, rubbing gently. The cuts on her wrists are still covered by bandages, but thinner ones, as they’ve already started to heal.

“Thanks,” Sakura utters when Naruto hands her a banana, green eyes shining up at the blond who pulls a chair to sit next to her bed. She is still at the hospital. The doctors were afraid of her cuts infecting and preferred to keep her hospitalized for a little longer, although they switched places.

“You’re welcome,” Naruto’s voice is slightly breathy, calming. It has been a pleasure to Sakura to be accompanied by him during these hard times. Aside of the therapist work, Sakura finds herself in befriending this kind man who resembles nothing of Sasuke, not even a bit, although Sakura would never deny that the brunet isn’t such a bad person as she thinks of him at times.

Her pink hair is pulled up in a ponytail, so that it gets dirty slower. She still cannot take proper baths.

“And? What’s new?” Naruto is cheerful. He knows that Temari has been here yesterday.

Sakura heaves a sigh, “Temari wants me to live with her for a while since Sasuke is so busy,” _I see, precautions. Good._ “She doesn’t think I’d do well on my own.”

Naruto stops to think about it, then ungrasps Sakura’s forearm to clasp his hands together, leaning forward slightly with a soft look in his blue eyes, although not smiling. In order to get to a patience, you must not be overly friendly—a barrier has to be fixed. Otherwise, the authoritative pieces of advice, which are sometimes part of the therapy sessions, won’t be taken seriously.

“It’s understandable that your friends are concerned for you,” Naruto tilts his head to the side, grabbing Sakura’s attention, “but, you know, we have to face some certain situations in order to become mentally stronger. Perhaps… you think that you wouldn’t be fine on your own,” Naruto knows that Sakura will spend some time in the ward, but he’s not about to mention it right now, “, while that’s not always the case. Start by eliminating fear.”

Sakura blinks up at him. Naruto notices her confusion, and explains further.

“For example, if I choke on my food at lunch time, I cough it all up and then I resume eating,” Sakura nods slightly when Naruto stops to check if she is following along. “However, that will not stop me from ever eating again. Since I need it to survive. This way, fear is eliminated. You do it anyway, although you are scared _shitless_ of it,” Sakura actually breathes a small laugh at that. Naruto can see the joy sparking in her eyes, but also the realization. She spends some time to think.

“These things are not so simple…” her head hangs low, now. Naruto listens intently. “Like eating. I do it because I’m scared I’ll die if I don’t. It’s not the same as—“

“Sakura,” the use of her first name makes the green-eyed beauty peek up, “Most of us have to face things that we never talk about with anyone else,” the beauty follows, “that we’re still silently healing from. But these thoughts, never spoken, became deeply infringed into us.”

Sakura moves to lay back down, staring at the ceiling.

“And when they do so, they eat us alive. They’re as bad as physical illnesses. We just fight them lowly, in private, because shame has crept up on us or it’s been imprinted by our society,” Sakura takes a bite of the banana, turning her head to the side so that she doesn’t choke on the bite, “Someone once said… that many of us die in our 20s, but get buried by 70. Judge of yourself tenderly, but never indulge in the pain that roams the insides.”

“What if it indulges in me?”

Naruto chuckles softly, “It won’t, as long as you don’t let it. See, we just tend to believe that we’re more complicated than we actually are. The bigger the fear, the rougher the monster. If you were panicking, and panicked because you saw yourself panicking, you’d notice the intensity. Always growing, never folding,” Naruto smells like masculine cologne, musky—it distracts Sakura for little time.

Sakura perks up, “What did you say about… what was it called…”

Naruto hums, “Borderline?”

“Yes,” Sakura nods, eyes searching Naruto’s face for answers. “Can you… like… explain it again? I’m a little… hazy…” Naruto smiles as he watches her little form turn to face him. Her eyes cling to his words as if he has the key to salvation.

“Want me to get to my scientific bullshit or explain swiftly?” Sakura laughs at that, motioning in a way that suggests Naruto to be quick and not too complicated about it. “What’s this curiosity for, though?”

“I’m looking for answers,” Sakura gets distracted by her bandaged wrists, but gets a hold of herself quickly, “and I think you might have them. I hope, actually…”

“So, you want to know why I believe Borderline is the case?” Naruto repeats, to make sure that he has understood where Sakura was coming from. The pink-haired girl nods, a small smile creeping up on her lips as she watches Naruto sigh and scratch the back of his head, trying to come up with something both comprehensive and compressed.

“Welll… there are simple and more complex cases, depending on the comorbidities…” he starts, but then grimaces at how complicated he’s being. Sakura chuckles. “It’s a personality disorder, dominated by mood switches, but not highly dramatic or long-lasting, fear of abandonment…” Naruto grips his chin in thought, looking away. “For example, someone with Borderline might either push people away when they get too close or be desperate for their presence,” Sakura startles as the realization hits, but it’s subtle. “Another example would be that… as soon as someone does something good to you, they’re the most amazing person you’ve met in your entire life. But, as a minor inconvenience intervenes, there’s no one worse than them. Does that make sense?”

Sakura nods. Her scars are starting to itch. She nudges Naruto to go further on, “And… what’s behind it?”

“Oh, uhm, family neglect, in principle, could be either mere or emotional neglect. If a child is hypersensitive, a minor form of Borderline can creep up if his parents are uninterested in his activities, like something he has built, games… play stuff,” Naruto sighs. His head is starting to hurt. He’s been starving for an hour, since Kakashi wasn’t back with their order.

“I see,” Sakura smiled, tainted with sadness, “Is there a way out?”

Naruto gives her a grin, “There’s always a way out. But not out of life. It gets better, I promise.”

Sakura flushes at that. And then, Naruto excuses himself, leaving her to rest some more as he walks out of the hospital quickly and dials Kakashi’s number.

*

“Sasuke—What the fuck?”

The brunet is back at his apartment, a big bottle of Scotch resting on the table. He has ignored Kakashi’s calls for a week now, and for the first one he didn’t even have his phone turned on. “We’re all so worried about you—“

“All?” Sasuke raises an eyebrow, swirling the liquid inside the glass around. “Who’s all?”

“Naruto especially,” Kakashi frowns. There’s something mature about his stance, although he cannot quite get rid of the blooming anger in his throat—it was his way of responding to being worried about anyone who was dear for him, outside of the patients. “And me. And I think Sakura too.”

Sasuke chuckles, placing the glass on the table top, not before taking a healthy gulp from it, “Sakura? Thanks for reminding me, I want a divorce.”

Kakashi’s face falls.

“Sasuke, what has gotten into you?”

Sasuke turns to face away from him as he lazily strolls down to the bedroom. Kakashi doesn’t dare leave the kitchen. Instead, Sasuke comes back with his phone, a mischievous smirk curling around his cheeks as he pushes the phone screen in front of Kakashi’s face, so he can read better.

_I’ll send your hubby all the pics of you naked._

Kakashi is mortified.

_Yes, you like that dick._

The name reads Kankurou, simply, no emoticons, no anything. Sasuke smirks again, putting his phone back in the back pocket of his black jeans which hang low on his waist. “This is dated… uhm, right on her trip.”

“How did you get those screenshots?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Sasuke downs the glass of scotch, before burping, making Kakashi grimace. “Anything else you want?”

“Naruto is worried.”

The ringing of Kakashi’s phone breaks the silence. Sasuke laughs sarcastically. “Oh, yeah? Let him be. Oh, and answer that shit, it creeps me out,” Kakashi’s ringtone is a string of frogs croaking. The older man sighs when Sasuke practically pushes, nudges him out, closing the door in his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's still reading, i'm beyond thankful


	10. drunks

“Kakashi,” Naruto says fast, matter-of-factly, his hand gripping the phone harder. He’s actually surprised that the man finally answered his phone. “Where are you?” he inquires breathlessly, his face crumpling in pain as his stomach growls painfully, “I’m famished.”

Kakashi wonders for a moment whether he should tell him or not, but then, as he realizes that Sakura is his patient and that some link to Sasuke has definitely been made, he decides that Naruto is probably the only one who can handle him, since the grey-haired man managed to knock exact zero sense into the rebel. “Uhm, I don’t know how to exactly put it, but… Do you know the way to Sasuke’s studio?”

Naruto’s interest sparks up, ignoring the dull ache in his stomach, “I do. Did something happen?”

The question is simple, but Kakashi fumbles. He can hear how he gets on a bus and heaves a sigh. Naruto hates waiting, as much as he hates being waited for. His grip on the phone hardens considerably as a frown finds his way upon his eyebrows, whiskered-cheeks curling with a slight anger, “I asked you something.”

“He’s fine, I just think… you should talk to him,” Kakashi sounds hopeful, but Naruto isn’t sure. The last time they’ve seen each other it wasn’t an exactly pleasant quarrel. “I believe it’d be better for Sakura, too, if you met him and spoke. Perhaps she’ll ask about him soon,” Kakashi lies through his teeth, since the pink-haired girl only attempted suicide when her mysterious lover used blackmail, daring to tell her husband about it. Naruto notices the manipulation, the persuasion, how the man tries his hardest to convince him, but he’s clueless upon the background. Kakashi thinks that it’d be a good thing if Naruto actually learns about his patient’s infidelity—after all, infidelity has, outside of _asshole_ , psychological causes, complex, from low self-esteem issues to narcissism.

“But first, I’m wolfing on whatever you bring.”

A chuckle can be heard on the other side of the call, “Burgers.”

“YES!”

*

Naruto stands in front of the tall door, looking uneasy, heart pounding in his chest. Before he knocks, he hears some footsteps headed for the door. His eyes grow wide as it opens, showing a disheveled Sasuke, eyes slightly hazy. He is taken back right to that day when the same look had met his, how awfully wrecked the brunet had looked and… some things never change. Sasuke is mortified himself, whites washing over his face.

“What are you doing here?”

Naruto feigns a grin, “I came to say hi!”

“Drop the act,” Sasuke says, facing eye to eye with Naruto, a menacing look in his eyes. “I know he sent you. Actually, I could bet my life on it. Don’t worry about me.”

Naruto notices how the smugness, that authentic cockiness had never left the brunet. It was so familiar that Naruto could guess it with his eyes closed. He watches as Sasuke roughly brushes past him and he can’t help but pad along down the stairs of the apartment building. The raven groans when he sees that Naruto sticks to him and won’t just _give it up,_ “What do you want?”

“You smell like alcohol,” Naruto’s voice is almost parental as the scold falls over Sasuke, making him feel small and guilty, in spite of the cold façade. “What’s going on? How about Sakura?”

“Oh,” Sasuke chuckles, mockingly, “I couldn’t care less. Actually—“ he rises a finger, which he later points at Naruto as he stands in front of the main door, “I can send you the screenshots on whatsapp.”

“What screenshots?” Naruto tries to ignore how Sasuke slams the door in his face. He kicks it open again, rushing after the dark-haired man, trying to keep the pace with him.

When Sasuke tries to get into the car, Naruto pulls himself swiftly in front of the door, blocking his access. What he gains from the Uchiha is a frustrated eye roll that only screams _move._ However, Naruto is determined, serious and, most of all, as their assigned therapist, taking care of both of them like that is exhausting. So many details. Papers. Responsibility.

“She cheated on me, what else is there to know about?” Sasuke’s glare deepens, as he pulls out his phone, scrolls a little, all under Naruto’s wide eyes, confusion spreading all over his face. “Here you go,” Sasuke hands him his phone.

Naruto snatches it with trembling fingers, reading so fast that he has to read again to make sure he understood all of the words. Ex-boyfriend? No. Ex-lover? Lover? Blackmail? _Fuck._ Out of everything, since it was a sensitive subject, Naruto hated to treat cheaters, since he himself had been labelled as one. His knuckles were white when he handed Sasuke back his phone.

“Can you move now?”

“Hell to the _fuck_ no,” Naruto growls, “you’re drunk. You’re not going anywhere,” he extends his arms side to side, so that there is no way that Sasuke can actually get into his car. Not like that. Naruto is not in the mood to receive another call from the emergency room.

“I said, move,” Sasuke leaned in dangerously close, mouth inches away from Naruto’s own. The blond’s eyes fall over the man’s pale lips, slightly chapped from drinking too much and probably staying out in the cold before making it to his studio. When his eyes move back to those onyx orbs, Sasuke grabs his collar hard.

“Did I stutter?” Naruto brings a hand up to get rid of Sasuke’s grip, pulling it away. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go like this—“

“Why do you care?” Sasuke chuckles, his eyes so empty that it makes Naruto’s stomach churn.

“Because I—“ _love you._ Fuck.

“You what?” Sasuke tilts his head with a smirk, “Don’t give me a bad time.” His breath reeks of alcohol as it fawns over Naruto’s whiskered-cheeks.

The wind envelops their bodies. It’s a late afternoon. It will get dark soon, and Naruto, if that’s Sasuke’s will, is going to keep insisting on not letting him go anywhere.

“You’re drunk, fucking get it already,” Naruto, despite all of the composure he mastered as a therapist trainee and then professional, is losing his calm. He knows that Sasuke’s difficult, that not all things work with him, that it’s impossible to convince him on anything unless you go on the rough path. The brunet shots him a dangerous look, but Naruto is not intimidated.

“Move.”

“Please, let’s get back inside,” Naruto all but pleads now, tired of everything. This has been his most stressful case in a while, because he’s emotionally involved—he again regrets taking upon it in the first place and seriously considers dropping it, although he might get a few dirty looks around. “I’ll spend the night. Just—don’t go anywhere, not like this, not drunk. I don’t want you to be a tragedy.”

Sasuke blinks up at him, eyes unfocused. _I don’t want you to be a tragedy._ The brunet sighs, his eyes trailing to the ground, finally giving up.

Naruto knows he’s won this one.


	11. just a therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG MENTIONED IN THE CHAPTER, WHICH U ///MUST/// LISTEN TO so it makes sense lmfao: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGjCG8qHWuk
> 
> sorry for the crappy update schedule, i'm just a literature student who is trying to be /good/ at it sghsjdh

“Play something,” Naruto pleads, a water bottle in his hand which Sasuke snatches occasionally to sip from, in order to make the burning in his throat dissipate. It obviously doesn’t work, but self-suggestion has been an infallible savior for so many times that he knows he’ll get there eventually. The blond is lying with his lower back against the window sill.

“The vinyl?” Sasuke perks up, eyes slightly hazy, “I haven’t used it in like. Forever.” The brunet’s glance naturally dances to the nightstand, where he keeps the black disk. It makes for a good design, though.

Naruto is trying to distract him, to make him not think of anything and especially of drinking more and more. The blond knows that Sasuke is multi-faced—there are so many layers of his, changing moods, even the way he smiles seems different sometimes, as if more people found their home in one body. With all his studious background, Naruto couldn’t put his finger on it—but that’s what made Sasuke Uchiha so _delicious_ after all, so exquisite. The blond found himself enjoying his company. The guilt that trapped him over the years is only a ghost now, as much as it looks up sometimes from where it was hidden, deep inside the crevices of his memory.

“Then make a use of it,” Naruto shots him a grin, playing with the water bottle, “And if you don’t, I’ll steal it, just so you know.”

Sasuke snorts, “What a polite thief…” Naruto chuckles at that, leaning his head back just barely as the sweet sound comes out breathy. Sasuke smiles a little as well, turning his face away.

They fiddle with the vinyl for about ten minutes, none of them knowing how it works exactly. But, Naruto, being the best improviser around, snatches the disk from Sasuke’s hands and, after fumbling with it for a few seconds, gets an idea. Soon enough, the music starts playing.

“Oh, Rasputin!” Naruto’s eyes grow wide with excitement. He throws the water bottle on the bed, almost hitting Sasuke in the head with it, as he lifts his arms up and starts to swing to the so-called Russian song.

“There lived a certain man,” Naruto sings, then whispers the lyrics accordingly, “In Russia long ago…” and then, suddenly, at the top of his lungs, “He was BIG and STRONG, in his eyes a flaming GLOW~” Naruto bounces around, hips swinging, dramatically blurting out the lyrics. Sasuke watches him amused. “Ra-Ra-Rasputin!”

“You’re the worst, I swear,” Sasuke bursts into a fit of laughter as Naruto motions to his biceps at the lyrics, and then _drops it down low._ “Oh my God—They should ban you from this.”

Naruto snatches Sakura’s hairbrush, which she has forgot on the nightstand quite… _some time ago,_ and he starts to mimic the lyrics in an exaggerated manner. It looks like distracting Sasuke with this was a good idea, because the brunet was laughing, and occasionally bit down on his bottom lip, showing his white teeth, trying to repress his laughter. Naruto bounces, sways his hips, drops it to the floor, shakes his ass, runs his hands through his hair then down his neck dramatically… _What a dobe._

“Hey, how much do I have to pay for this concert?”

“Souls, not cash,” Naruto throws away the hairbrush and seems to be really enjoying himself—the thought of restraining Sasuke from drinking is gone and is replaced by genuine joy.

The raven shakes his head, bringing a hand up to his forehead as Naruto drops to the floor on his knees and sings out really _badly, “_ It was a shame how he carried ooooon~~”

“I’ll burn that vinyl.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“Oh, yeah? Do it fast,” Naruto cackles at that, under Sasuke’s amused smirk. The raven is still hazy, slightly lost.

“Oh, I _know_ how to do that,” being in a good mood, Naruto straightened up and extended a hand towards the brunet, “Come, dance with me.”

The words, the command… they were simple, not sophisticated, rather friendly and amused, maybe with a too-bright grin that just couldn’t accept a _no._ However, Sasuke is not so obedient, “I’ll throw up on you if you make me get up.”

Naruto raises a brow, “I’m very easily disgusted by anything, so that makes two of us. Wanna dance or what?”

The tone is upbeat, much too happy for Sasuke’s current situation, but the way that Naruto’s blue eyes sparkle makes everything harder. He felt as if, refusing him, the weight of the world would shift on his shoulders. Sasuke watches in disbelief as Naruto pulls him up from the bed.

“Are you a party pooper, Uchiha?” he teases.

Sasuke frowns, “Oh, miss me with that shit.”

It doesn’t take long for Sasuke to be caught up into the rhythm, for his hips to swing according to the booms and zooms outs of the song—he knew it already, it had been his favorite song for a while. Naruto is still dramatically singing out, having a dance out in front of the brunet who tries to keep up but can’t because of his laughter. Naruto’s ears are red from embarrassment, but he doesn’t stop dancing.

Naruto reaches forward and interlocks his fingers with Sasuke’s pale ones, moving both of them from side to side in what seems like a childish race. Sasuke feels his head spinning as Naruto sways around him like a ball of energy— _God, the dobe is still a pain in the ass._ But the brunet thinks fondly of him.

Sasuke gets much too close for comfort. The song is coming to an end, and so are Naruto’s moves. The sweat pools at his temples, draping down his sharp cheekbones and whiskered-cheeks. Sasuke is amazed at how much effort he has put into this stupid song, but he had fun. He plops on the bed, sighing with relief as the vinyl shuts completely. Naruto is slightly panting, but he’s smiling, taking a sip from the water bottle he had disposed of earlier. It has been so hard to avoid leaning into Sasuke. It was not the time. Not like this… Heartbroken and drunk. The blond tried not to think about it too much.

Naruto sits on the bed next to Sasuke, who is quick to shove him off playfully. _Cute._

“Want a glass of wine?” _Oh, fuck, here we go again._ Naruto knows that Sasuke is not one to give up easily.

Naruto spends some time to think about it, spaced out, balancing the options in his head. A glass of wine never hurt anybody—the quantity was too little to make an actual change, or a lasting one. He would get tipsy and it’d be just that. It sounds tempting. Naruto smirks at the thought, before he opens his mouth to speak as his eyes lock with Sasuke’s.

“No.”

“No?” Sasuke’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise. He thought, from the earlier expression draped over his face that Naruto would agree.

“No,” the blond replies simply again, the same grin plastered on his face, eyes turning into half-moons with the force of it.

“Why not?” Sasuke asks, black eyes finding a certain sparkle. He looks like a _damn puppy._ Naruto is endeared by this sight, but lets none of it show on his face when he replies.

“I’m already having fun,” Sasuke tilts his head, trying to understand what the blond meant, although his thoughts were racing from the earlier alcohol intake. “But…” Naruto actually gulps this time, keeping a sheepish smile on his face, “I wish you were sober, you know?”

Sasuke blinks at him, eyes so black and so intense and always so unreadable. Sometimes it felt like no one actually lived inside. Naruto turns his head away as his heart starts pounding in his chest—he’s so sure that he’s starting to actually redden, from his cheeks and down his neck, but he hopes it’s not as noticeable. It’s the truth, anyway. Sasuke is still staring at him, dumbfounded, keeping his killer-silence.

“I remember back then…” Naruto chuckles at the memory, “You were _fucked,_ ” the image of Sasuke sprawled out in that garden, the backyard, close to an overdose, the swing—they call come rushing in, those ghosts of the past. “Please, promise me you’ll never get _that fucked_ again. I know that… you’re like this, you know? I can’t say much about you,” Sasuke follows his words, attentive—they are sobering him up, giving an anchor to reality, “In fact, I’m not sure if I know you, but, _for fuck’s sake,_ ” Naruto shuts his eyes off tight, “Sasuke, fuck—“

The brunet reaches out to grab Naruto’s hand. The blond furrows his eyebrows at the pinky.

“I can’t promise anything,” Sasuke bites his bottom lip in thought, “But… here’s your free call,” he latches his pinky with Naruto’s own, “I hate promises, but, if something _happens_ , check me in.”

Naruto blinks, “Check you in?”

“Rehab,” Sasuke explains, the little finger hardening the grip on Naruto’s own. “And if I oppose it, knock me out, I don’t care. You’re technically _still_ my therapist, after all,” _Oh. Just a therapist._ The mastery of hiding the sadness has become Naruto’s most trusted friend. _I’m just a therapist._

The blond swallows thickly, switching away from his emotions, thinking of how it’d be to actually check Sasuke in. His hands are starting to sweat, but he has to get a grip on reality—after all, he was trusted by the brunet with this responsibility.

Sasuke unlatches their fingers, before standing up, slightly unbalanced. Naruto places a hand against his lower back to steady him, then looks as the brunet absent-mindedly leaves the room.

_Fuck._ Naruto’s chest feels tight. _You’re my therapist after all…_

_So I don’t mean shit other than that._

“I’m making pancakes, want some?” he hears Sasuke yell from the kitchen. Oh, and how nice it would be to face this every day. He’s not even a friend. Just a professional. Nothing and never more. A deep sigh escapes from Naruto’s lips as he stands up, padding down the hallway to the kitchen, a smile appearing on his lips the exact moment he faces the brunet, proudly wearing an apron. He didn’t really know how pancakes worked, but he figured he’d find a way.

The way Naruto feigned the grin made his whiskered cheeks hurt, but he is intent on keeping it up. But… _fuck._ As Sasuke moves around the kitchen, humming a tune, sometimes stopping from the headache that came with the headache, Naruto realizes that he has to leave sooner or later. He taught his patients that their own mental health came first. And still… _Fuck._

Sasuke gives him a toothy smile as he leans against the kitchen counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if y'all still reading give me your opinions! i love hearing them, be it positive or negative <33333


	12. please

Sasuke yawns for the hundredth time that night as he watches Naruto shove little bits of pancake into his mouth, munching eagerly, eyes glimmering excitedly at the Finetti topping. The blond loved black chocolate. Although keeping a diet has been a priority for him, especially with all the stress eating that could happen when you’re a therapist, he didn’t mind eating pancakes at midnight. Sasuke was a good cook, although he didn’t do it often and he needed some direction, some hints about the ingredients, time of preparation, boiling, frying, everything.

Naruto finishes, extending the plate to Sasuke who grabs it and places it in the sink. He then leans back in his seat, lightly patting his stomach and heaving a sigh, “God, I’m full.”

“Yeah?” Sasuke chuckles, turning on the water. Proceeding to wash the plate, he hears Naruto standing up, the chair squeaking on the tundra tiles.

“Hey, rest,” Naruto pushes him away from the sink by the hip, “I’ll do it.” There were a couple more dishes to be washed, and he has noticed how tired the brunet was. Sasuke smiles at the small gesture, genuine and short, before wiping his hands on a towel, mumbling something about Naruto not needing to worry about that kind of thing. Naruto shook his head vehemently.

It was a domestic night. They argued a little about who will sleep where. Naruto vehemently refused to share a bed and Sasuke wasn’t too happy about sleeping on the couch. Eventually, the blond gave in and resolved to himself sleeping on the couch, while Sasuke would resume to the usual, his (and Sakura’s) bedroom. Naruto asked for a change of clothes. Sasuke gave him a fuzzy sweater and some large pajama pants, and he disappeared into the bathroom to put them on. It felt so normal, weirdly normal. The both of them felt comfortable, enjoyed each other’s presence. Naruto felt fond of him, his short smiles, his pale cheeks curling with chuckles and a faint ghost of dimples. It was so domestic, so familiar… Naruto thought back to his teenage years. Sasuke had changed a lot, excepting his addiction.

Naruto drifts off to sleep remembering Sasuke’s smile, hearing his ridiculous snorting from the other room (hangovers do that), and quietly smiling to himself, curling into the pillow, breathing in and out. It smelled like Sasuke’s cologne and that helped him relax. Over the years, the raven hasn’t changed his cologne, his taste. Naruto was glad. For the night, he decided he wouldn’t think of this affection as a curse, a first in a long time.

*

Naruto blinks the sleep awake, trying to adjust to his surroundings. The room is filled with darkness. He hears the flush of the toilet, and then the tap water, and then footsteps coming down the hallway. Only then does Naruto remember where he was. His pounding heart slows to a normal pace as he watches Sasuke approach him, motioning for Naruto to give him some space on the couch. Furrowing his brows, the blond complies.

“What happened?” Naruto’s voice is rough with sleep, hazy, almost as if it came from another world.

“Bad dream,” Sasuke replies, sitting on the couch, with Naruto lying behind him. A bad dream?

The blond blinks up at him, before shifting so that the brunet can bring his legs up on the couch. It’s cold and he’s shivering. Still a dumb kid. Naruto smiles in the corner of his mouth, before struggling to get the blanket to reach both of them as he sits up. Sasuke’s wearing a white t-shirt, which almost blends in with his skin, and boxers. Of course it’s fucking cold. With a deft move, Naruto wraps the blanket over his shoulders and ties the corners at the front.

“Wow,” the blond feigns, bewildered, “A burrito.”

Sasuke shakes his head, “Dobe,” and sighs, under Naruto’s look.

“What was it about?”

Sasuke furrows his eyebrows.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“No, it’s not that,” Sasuke leans further into the blanket. Naruto’s body heat has warmed it up earlier and it was so damn cozy. He closes his eyes, a wave of sleep washing over him, and he speaks as if through a dream, “I always see this kind of… old manor. And I’m old, and there’s this lady… She comes up to me, she looks absolutely normal. Long brown hair, blue eyes, a bodycon dress. And then…” Sasuke shuts his eyes off tight, “When she touches my wrist, she turns into this nun, wearing white, a cape over her head. Her skin is grey. From her eyes and her mouth, blood emerges. Black blood. Coagulated. It’s… It’s horrible.”

Sasuke sighs at the end. Naruto’s own skin crawls.

“How come you didn’t die in your sleep yet?” Naruto chuckles, trying to brighten up the atmosphere. Sasuke’s face shines prettily in the moonlight, under the blanket, only it being visible.

“I don’t know. Luck?” They both chuckle.

Naruto spends some time to think, “You know… Our dreams are actually projections. That woman could be one of your fears. Or, you know, any kind of stimulant makes our brain chemicals go… crazy, but you know that,” Naruto indirectly points to Sasuke being a psychiatrist—he should know better, “if there’s not enough oxygen, your dreaming schedule is fucked.”

Sasuke sighs again, “Can I sleep here?”

Naruto freezes. He remembers how he has rejected sleeping in the same bed. Was it for nothing? But Sasuke looks pale and scared, small under the blanket. Naruto is sure that if his mother was around he’d hide behind her from all the scary monsters that his mind makes up. Fuck this.

“Yeah, sure,” Naruto says quietly, shifting again so that Sasuke can fit. The couch is not too spacious and their bodies are almost pressed against each other. The brunet still reeks of alcohol. It’s not too long until sleep catches him and whisks him away. His pale face is puffy, his lips are pretty—the moonlight compliments the dark strands of hair, making them look blue, the room filling with darkness and purple hues. Naruto stares at the brunet, sometimes bringing a hand up to trail his finger against the soft cheek, and eventually drifts to sleep later on with only a thought in his mind: _Just a therapist._

*

Sasuke jolts awake, waking up Naruto along with him. The blond groans barely, rubbing his eyes, but the panting sounds scare him. Sasuke’s chest is heaving up and down and he looks around the room scared, hands gripping the blanket.

“Sasuke?” Naruto tries, reaching a hand forward to touch his shoulder. He startles and turns to look at him. _Oh._ “Bad dream?” Naruto only fell asleep one hour ago and was seriously considering not sleeping at all if Sasuke kept waking him up like this. The blond sits up, his hand moving to Sasuke’s nape, rubbing soothingly.

“Fuck, I hate this shit,” Sasuke buries his face in his hands.

“Hey, let’s relax a little, shall we?” Naruto’s smile is fond. He decides to get up from the couch, “I’m sorry if this seems too invasive, since I don’t live here, but I’ll make some coffee.”

Sasuke flails a dismissive hand, dark circles under his eyes, “Don’t worry about it. I want some as well.”

“Good,” Naruto shows him a sleepy grin, before going to the kitchen. A scared Sasuke trails after him then plops in one of the chairs, bringing out from the cupboard a pack of cigarettes and taking one out. He extends one to Naruto as well, which the blond takes with a nod of the head as a means of thank you. They smoke together as the coffee water boils on the stove, a buzzing sound filling the room.

Naruto takes a long drag from his cigarette and leans against the counter, head falling back as he blows the smoke through his nose. Sasuke watches him quietly, getting rid of the cigarette ash. They don’t say much, but there’s a certain tension spreading. Naruto wants to break the silence, But before he can do it, Sasuke goes first.

“I really want a divorce,” the words roll out of his mouth, echoing in the night. Naruto shows no expression at all, although, selfishly, he could say that he was glad. Just a little bit.

“Well,” the blond sighs and extinguishes the flame of the stove. As he pours the steaming coffee in two cups he finds clean on the sink, he continues to speak, “Divorces are a pain in the ass. But you first have to question yourself, to go through all the sides… Sometimes a marriage can be saved.” _A cheater._ “Even after cheating.”

“No,” Sasuke shakes his head vehemently, blowing the smoke out, “It’s not that. I couldn’t give a fuck about her cheating on me,” his laughter is clear in the night. Naruto represses the urge to smile at it.

“Then what is it?”

“I like someone else.”

“Well, are they available?” Naruto asks, his heart sinking in his chest suddenly. _Someone else?_

“We haven’t come in touch for a long time, but yes, I think yes,” Sasuke rests his chin on his knuckles, looking deep inside Naruto’s blue eyes. He notices the shift. _Fucking dobe._

“That’s great,” Naruto fakes a smile, cursing himself for grabbing the hot cup of coffee and burning his palm in the process—it stings. _Act normal and interested._ “Do you have a picture? Show me!” the grin is even bigger now and anyone in their right mind and in proper light would notice that it was feigned.

Sasuke chuckles, “I don’t really have a picture.” Naruto’s heart leaps in his throat as he nods with a small _oh_ and the conversation dies there. They proceed to drink their coffee. It’s around 5 in the morning and the sun hasn’t come out still. They sit like that, engulfed in darkness.

_Who is it?_ The thought is incessant. Maybe Sasuke met someone during the time that he was gone. Maybe he linked up with an old fling. _Who knows?_ Naruto is frustrated when he finds himself being jealous—it makes no sense, because if he could, he would just communicate his feelings, although to no avail since Sasuke is still married. _Gosh._ The blond doesn’t even look at him, even though he sometimes sees Sasuke staring confused, out of the corner of his eye. _What a mess._

Naruto’s fingers are shaky as he cups his coffee and looks down. The steam has gone—the last drops of coffee are cold. Sasuke is smoking a cigarette with a bored look on his face. Naruto takes him out of the trance when he speaks, “Can I have one?”

Sasuke nods and shoves the pack. It slides on the table and stops in front of Naruto, who opens it and takes one cigarette. Lighting it, for some unknown reason, Naruto can’t help but stare at Sasuke. His look is not reciprocated. _Is he thinking about that person? Fuck._ Something that mixed anger and sadness boils in his veins. _Why did he even tell me that now?_

“How’s Sakura?” Naruto startles. It’s the first time Sasuke’s asked about her.

“Uhm,” Naruto has been so lost in thought that he has to force himself to form a coherent sentence, “She’s fine. Better, I mean. For now… Physically,” _Yeah, fuck coherence._ “She’s healing.”

Sasuke hums, “That’s great.” _My ass._ “Will she still be under your wing?”

Naruto has hoped that no one would ask him this, “I don’t know. I’m actually thinking of dropping the case. It’s… too much for me,” Sasuke eyes him incredulously, raising a brow.

“Why is that? You’re the best that’s around, and this is too much for you?” Naruto knows that Sasuke doesn’t mean to sound harsh—he’s just plainly curious. The blond takes a drag out of the cigarette, lets the smoke out quickly and cards a hand through his blond hair. Sasuke watches how the long, golden fringe bounces on his forehead.

“I’m sort of… invested. So yes, it’s too much,” Naruto flushes with embarrassment. _How unprofessional._ “Plus, I don’t live here. I have so much work to do back in Konoha.”

Sasuke smiles, “I guessed.”

“Yeah,” Naruto replies much too fast with a proper smile, which falters quickly.

They sit in silence for a couple more minutes. Outside, the cars are starting to roam around. People are going to work, birds are waking up—the dawn is soon to be here. Naruto focuses on the sounds, trying to calm his racing mind. Of course Sasuke would go to someone else. Naruto said he didn’t want him anyway. He was even scared to ask about Itachi.

The blond keeps glancing at the raven who is now smoking another cigarette, trying to keep himself awake, probably. Naruto can see the exhaustion draped all over his features and it saddens him, that Sasuke has such bad nightmares. It’s nothing that Naruto hasn’t heard of before, but his reactions, the sweat, the panting, the inability to just call it a dream. Fear lived in his body, making it a home.

_Fuck this._

“Hey,” Naruto suddenly says. Sasuke jumps a little, but keeps the silence. _Fuck it._ His gut is saying no, no, _dumb bitch_ , but it’s late (or too early?) and Naruto’s composure is slipping away with the exhaustion. Onyx stare into blues, shimmering in the night. “Don’t…” Naruto leans over the table, much to Sasuke’s surprise, who is not seated very far, “Please…”

“What, Naruto?” Sasuke’s eyebrows frown in puzzlement, but his voice is rather calm and collected. Naruto cups his cheek and locks gazes with him, a glimpse of sadness dancing in those blue orbs as his jaw clenches, firm and strong.

In a matter of seconds, Naruto leans in closer, unhurried, still smelling like cologne from yesterday, searching Sasuke’s face for any sign of disapproval. He can’t find any. Swallowing thickly, his eyes trail to those pretty lips. _Fuck it._ He suddenly leans in, catching Sasuke’s hot, soft lips in a heated kiss, hissing barely when Sasuke actually reciprocates it, his hand curling up to latch onto Naruto’s golden locks of hair, at the back of his head as the blond tilts his head.

“ _Please don’t ever be in love with someone else,”_ Naruto mutters on Sasuke’s heated lips, breathlessly, forehead pressed on the raven’s, eyes shut tight, stinging with unshed tears.

Sasuke freezes.

Naruto finds himself smiling softly against the mouth of the raven, all the worries gone, all the problems buried. _This is home._


	13. seduce and destroy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUBMISSIVE NARUTO LETS GOOOOOOO  
> if you think i'm editing this 3k smut, you're kidding  
> my laptop would catch on fire and i'm a child of god, evidently  
> have fun with this, it's really hot, y'kno?
> 
> LISTEN TO THIS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5qWjQ9j6l0

Naruto leans away only to freeze under that seductive gaze, black fire daring to dry up the two beautiful oceans. The lump forming down his throat is impossible to swallow down, and his eyes hopelessly search that face that gives nothing away aside of the eyes, mirrors of the soul, sinful and sincere, maintaining their youth and rebellion. Naruto glances down at the raven’s lips and his breathing stops for a moment. _Fuck._ The control is slipping away, the authority is nowhere to be seen, as Sasuke’s hand travels up to his whiskered-cheek, cups it and rubs the soft flesh, sending electric shivers down the blond’s spine. Naruto leans into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut. It’s warm and soothing, almost reassuring, the way the knuckles brush against his skin slowly and tantalizing. The brunet scoots forward, catching Naruto’s lips in an even slower kiss that seems to stop time, stealing the blond’s breath away.

_Please don’t ever fall in love with somebody else._

“Never,” Sasuke whispers breathlessly against those plump lips. Naruto’s mouth parts for him, leaning in further to get, to feel _more_ —it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. As if under a spell, the blond scoots closer and crawls into Sasuke’s lap softly, careful not to hurt him, his legs wrapping around the chair for stability. Naruto can feel Sasuke’s erection press against the soft material of his pajama pnats when he steadies himself on the man’s lap, looking small and fragile, totally crumbled— _some things never change._ Sasuke stares up at him and cards a hand through those golden locks as Naruto’s arms naturally come to wrap around his neck, eyes soft and a sheepish smile resting on his lips.

“Pretty,” Sasuke mutters, his hand trailing down on the side of Naruto’s face, before gripping his chin lightly, making him look down, straight into his eyes. The blond’s cheek flush with both anticipation and joy—his chest feels so full, his heart is going to leap out and run away from here… Naruto’s walls are down.

“So pretty,” the brunet breathes as Naruto shifts on his lap, both his eyes and features softening along. The raven moves his thumb up to Naruto’s soft lips, and the blond willingly opens his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip just once, glimmering blue eyes never leaving Sasuke’s. _Fuck._

Naruto is traversed by a sudden jolt of nerve and a smirk blooms on his lips in the heat of the moment, “Thanks. I know,” Sasuke’s thumb brushes against his bottom lip slowly and Naruto feels his pants tightening around him slowly. His pulse is growing minute by minute and he is sure that his ears had reddened. However, the brunet doesn’t make any moves, just stares, as if he’s at a museum contemplating an old painting. The minutes pass and Sasuke keeps his silence. Naruto is getting impatient.

“Damn it,” the blond grits his teeth, “Fuck me already. Do I have to beg?”

Sasuke’s eyes widen slightly in surprise as the silence breaks and crumbles around them with Naruto’s low tone, latched with desperation and lust. The blond’s growing impatience manifests by him roughly grinding once against Sasuke’s lap, their clothes rustling under the sharp, fast touch. Naruto knows he’s won when the face of the brunet turns into a smirk, as if he had just woken up from a trance.

“How do you prefer it?” the way Sasuke handles his words is seductive and Naruto feels like he’s going to _explode_ at any given moment. His frown burns deep into Sasuke’s equally _devouring eyes._

“Like a whore,” Naruto bites his lower lip, eyes impossibly innocent in spite of the words he’s uttering. Sasuke mirrors his expression, repressing a soft moan, tilting his head back to catch a better glimpse at the blond’s gesture, whose back arches again on the man’s lap.

“Say no more.”

Sasuke gets up along with Naruto, carrying him in his arms down the hallway, hands on his ass. Naruto buries his face in the crook of the man’s neck as he’s being carried, holding tight onto him, trying to take in as much of Sasuke’s natural body scent. Over the years, Naruto has greatly missed being intimate like this with the man who managed to make him feel a thousand ways in so little time. There was something magnetizing about it, something addictive.

Sasuke places Naruto on the bed. The sweet scent of Sakura’s lingering perfume, still imprinted on the bedsheets, makes the blond feel like a righteous winner. _He doesn’t mind it._ His hands grab on the sheets, eyes trailing after Sasuke who opens the wardrobe, scanning the shelves. It doesn’t take long for him to reach upwards, pulling out a black tie and a white belt. Naruto squirms slightly with anticipation, nipping on his bottom lip as he watches Sasuke turn around and then straddle him. _Like a whore? Good._

Naruto knows it. He’s been through this multiple times. His hands extend forward willingly as Sasuke grabs his wrists deftly and wraps the belt around the warm flesh. Naruto’s lips part when Sasuke reaches forward to lock the blond’s hands with the tie at the headboard, tightening the knot. The pain is soft and rough at the same time, the leather digging into his skin sweetly.

When he’s done with the knot, Sasuke grabs the tie and covers Naruto’s eyes with it, his knuckles brushing against the skin on the apples of his whiskered, flushed cheeks. The blond’s eyes, although covered, close, and his breathing catches a faster pace as soon as the knot behind his head tightens, taking his vision away completely. _Black._ He hears the rustling of the sheets under his form and then a pair of hands grabbing the waistband of his pajama pants, dragging them down.

_Wet._ Lips trail down to his thighs, biting lightly, hot breath fawning over the sensitive spots. Naruto’s hips buckle up naturally upwards and a long sigh falls from his open mouth. Sasuke’s hands are experienced, big, protective still, roaming on his skin like that, _just the way he likes it._ Naruto’s back arches as he feels the hands travel up and down the sides of his waist, nails scratching across the skin, leaving red marks behind. Naruto bites his lip, drawing blood, touch-starved as the tips of Sasuke’s fingers graze against his clothed dick, sending shivers down his spine. _Fuck._ His hips buckle up again, wanting more of it, _always more of it._

“Relax, _neko,_ ” Sasuke’s voice is clad with lust, but it’s also soothing, pleading at the same time. Naruto whimpers hopelessly, hips steadying back on the mattress.

“It already _hurts, fuck,_ ” Naruto’s voice sounds broken, small and fragile. “ _Please._ ”

“You said you wouldn’t beg, neko,” the mutter is sinful and it makes Naruto’s skin crawl.

“To Hell with what I said,” the breathy sound of his voice makes Sasuke bite his lip, staring down at the blond. The golden locks are sprawled against the pillow where Sakura used to sleep. His tanned skin shimmers in the newfound morning glow of the outside, the first sunrays peeking through the window faintly, giving the room an orange glow. His slender, but toned form hadn’t changed a bit through all of these years. Sasuke feels his head spin and tries his best not to just let go of all the control and _wreck him._ “To Hell with what I said,” the blond repeats, head turning to the side, jaw clenching. “ _Please, fuck me._ ”

And that’s where Sasuke _fucks_ any kind of prelude, of preparation—it’s the breaking and the coming down of it all. He hovers over Naruto, settling himself in between his legs, turning Naruto’s head towards him only to catch him into a heated kiss that leaves the both of them moaning into each other’s mouths. Sasuke remembers he had put his phone on silent and smirks against Naruto’s _craving_ lips, deepening their kiss and licking against his tongue, which the blond reciprocates eagerly, thrashing under the brunet for more friction. His hands are fighting against the hold of the knot, belt digging into his skin, arms locked above his head. Sasuke opens one eye to watch the little blond’s attempt at freeing himself and bites down on Naruto’s lip, making him whimper. _There’s no way you’re escaping that._

Naruto’s legs firmly wrap around Sasuke’s waist, pulling him down against his clothed crotch, a wet patch forming on his boxers as the first moan rolls out of his tongue. Sasuke leans back, ripping away from the blond’s touch which gains a noise of disapproval, only to pull his white t-shirt off, throwing it next to the bed. Naruto’s nostrils are invaded by Sasuke’s sweet scent, expensive cologne filling the room along with the familiarity of his body. The brunet reaches down to pull Naruto’s underwear off and smirks at the sight—the blond can’t help the flush that spreads on his cheeks and down his neck. The fuzzy sweater, still on but pushed upwards, showing his abdomen, is the only thing that still feels awfully tight on his skin, along with the knot of the belt.

“Fuck… Ah…” Naruto’s breathing picks up when Sasuke’s hand travels down his form and _spreads_ him. “Not too much…” Naruto manages to croak out, “I’m a masochist,” and a smirk rests on his lips, eyes closed. _Delicious._

“Even better,” Sasuke’s voice is latched with lust as he shoves two fingers in his mouth, coating them with spit. _No lube._ Naruto’s smirk slowly falters as those soft fingers press against his hole, one going inside. Naruto wonders how long it’s been that he’s done this, and the sweet tinge of pain begins. “Do you like pain, neko?”

“The most,” Naruto whispers breathlessly, managing to push himself against the finger, face crumpling slightly at the newfound pain. Sasuke shakes his head, a soft smile curving between his cheeks as he watches the blond.

“Second,” Naruto commands.

“As you wish, _love,_ I aim to please,” the low tone of the brunet makes the blond moan full-on, as he feels the second finger sliding after the first, pulling out and then back in, moving inside. The pain slowly turns into pleasure and the heat forms at the base of his stomach, so familiar and so, so _good._ The world spins around him as Sasuke mercilessly inserts the third finger, scissoring inside. _Fuck._

“My fucking God…” Naruto’s words roll out softly from his lips, hissing.

“Wrong name,” Sasuke’s chuckle reverberates against the warm air in the room. The sun peeks in shyly. “Fuck yourself for me??”

“Yeah, of course,” Naruto is quick to answer, voice cracking, submissive and broken, before his legs prop on the sides of the mattress for balance. Sasuke keeps those three fingers inside, watching intently, hand trailing down to grab at his own dick, rubbing it, the material of the soft boxers making his palm sting slightly. Naruto, whose wrists have started to go red under the roughness of the belt, begins to push down against the man’s fingers, hips moving knowingly. Sasuke watches his fingers slide out and back in as Naruto fucks himself on them. It doesn’t take long for the blond to start moaning and thrashing, moves becoming irregular as Sasuke curls his fingers inside him, brushing lightly against his prostate. The brunet isn’t better himself, as he has now reached into his boxers, stroking his dick slowly, thumb pressing into the slit.

Sasuke’s fingers pull out as he recognizes the signs of Naruto approaching his orgasm. The blond sighs in relief, panting—he didn’t want to come _like that._

“Gorgeous,” Sasuke praises as he pulls his dick out of his boxers and hovers over Naruto. The blond feels the soft, wet flesh press against his thigh and his breath hitches in his throat. “Now… be quiet,” the brunet’s voice sounds like a threat, as one of his hands come over Naruto’s mouth, pressing hard, quieting him. The blond moans muffled as he senses the tip of Sasuke’s dick brushing at his entrance. _Oh my fucking God._ His hips buckle up, but Sasuke’s own steady him as he pushes himself inside in one sharp move. Naruto’s mouth falls into a quiet scream as the pain spreads through his body, every crevice, every atom.

Sasuke pulls out awfully slow, making the blond hiss against the palm placed roughly on his mouth to keep him quiet. The bed squeaks under them with the next thrust, and Naruto familiarizes with the pain, moaning full-on, muffled but loud enough to send a jolt of arousal through the brunet’s body. Sweat pools on Naruto’s temples, resisting the pain when Sasuke thrusts into him again, raw and merciless, and then picks a pace that fastens as he goes. Naruto thrashes under him, legs weakly wrapping around his waist, his blond, now wet fringe sticking to his forehead with sweat. A string of moans escapes his lips, mouth open against Sasuke’s soft palm. The sound of skin on skin dominates the room as Sasuke’s forehead falls against the crook of Naruto’s neck and laps at the salty skin, biting down hard and sucking a hickey on a sensitive spot which he knows all too well. Naruto is so weak, so limp, a slave to the rhythm of the trusts, of the dick brushing up against his prostate so sweetly. _I missed this._

Naruto suddenly turns his head to the side, freeing himself of the palm blocking his sounds, “Sasuke,” he manages to cry out, “don’t play around,” and then a sweet groan fills up the room. The brunet smirks against his neck, licking once over the bruise as his hips start moving faster. Naruto thrashes up and down on the mattress with the force of the trusts, his fists clenching in the grip of the belt as he moans loudly, _possibly waking up the damn neighbors._ Sasuke grunts against his skin, but he’s strong, fast—he’s not even panting. _How does he do that…_ Naruto thinks to himself, a mess of hot and glistening skin, at the mercy of his old Uchiha fling.

The hand that was placed on Naruto’s mouth travels to his neck and grips it hard as Sasuke sits up, using his other hand to lift one of Naruto’s legs, sliding inside even deeper. Naruto all but screams, back arching against the mattress. Sasuke looks at him, not being able to repress his moans anymore—Naruto’s toned body, glistened with sweat, shines under the morning sunrays.

Naruto bites hard on his bottom lip. He’s close, lips getting purple from the restrain of air.

“Don’t hold back, neko,” Sasuke says, breathlessly, eyes fixated on the blond’s form, devouring him. His hips have picked a regular pace, brushing endlessly against the prostate of the man, making the blond moan out brokenly. The black strands of hair curtain around his face, bouncing with the thrusts as the grip on the blond’s neck weakens, letting him breathe again.

Naruto nods at the mention, simultaneously gasping for air, arousal filling his body hotly and immensely, not able to speak anymore, his body tensing up. _Fuck._

It only takes a few more thrusts of Sasuke for Naruto’s legs to start trembling. _Now._ Sasuke hovers down again, smirking, with one deft move freeing the hands of the blond. Naruto whimpers at the little escape and his hands almost instantly move to lock hard in Sasuke’s hair, pressing the brunet against his neck, mouth falling open in a string of broken moans and gasps. Naruto struggles to regulate his breathing as Sasuke unties the soft material that was blocking his eyes.

“Look at me,” Sasuke’s voice is a mere whisper, a command, and Naruto’s eyes flutter at the sudden light. He didn’t realize the sun had come around. His blue eyes are now teary from the pain mixed with pleasure, searching Sasuke’s face. _God, he’s so hot._ Naruto bites his lips, still thrashing up and down on the mattress, blond fringe bouncing, cheeks flushed. Sasuke’s stare is firm as his jaw clenches and Naruto all but _knows._ He’s quick to act when he decides to grind against Sasuke’s thrusts, tightening around him, making the brunet’s eyes fall shut, closed tight, cursing under his breath.

“Fuck… Naruto…” the blond whimpers at the mention of his name, pushing back against Sasuke’s hips, “Don’t hold back,” Sasuke threatens once again and the blond’s body tenses up against him, his fuzzy sweater sticking to Sasuke’s naked chest as his hips buckle up hard with the force of his orgasm, a scream hopelessly leaving his chest as the white liquid spurts inbetween them, pulling on his abdomen. He clenches and unclenches around Sasuke’s dick from the orgasm, panting out, and it doesn’t take long for Sasuke to _lose_ it as well. When the brunet tries to pull out to come, Naruto firmly wraps his legs around his waist, stopping him.

“Come inside,” Naruto’s voice is hoarse.

“No,” Sasuke says with a smirk, before pulling himself into a sitting position, dragging Naruto along with him. The blond yelps in surprise, hands flying around his neck. The wrists are bloody. Sasuke inspects the blond’s confused face, who blinks down at him, eyes half-lidded still, blue and beautiful. “Do you spit or swallow?” the raven’s cocked brow makes Naruto’s heart leap into his chest.

“Swallow,” there’s pride in Naruto’s broken out tone.

“Prove it,” Sasuke lets go of Naruto who falls back on the mattress. The brunet hovers over him, knees placed by the sides of his shoulders, and pats the tip of his dick against Naruto’s lips. The blond looks up at him innocently, sweaty and flushed, as his mouth opens and his tongue swirls around the sensitive slit. Sasuke grabs the headboard.

“Fuck my mouth,” Naruto pleads, opening up for him.

“You don’t have to say it twice,” Sasuke smirks, grip hardening on the headboard as his other hand locks in Naruto’s blond hair, tightly and slightly painful, but Naruto loves it. He keeps his mouth open with the first thrust. The second comes harder, until Naruto feels his throat burn and his eyes roll back. Sasuke watches and curses under his breath. “Fuck—you’re so hot,” his voice comes out as a faint breath, Naruto whimpering around him in response, sending a vibration down the sensitive skin.

Naruto’s hands come to rest up on Sasuke’s thighs as the man continues to push inside his mouth relentlessly, head falling back with the moans. The grip tightens even more. _Fuck._ Naruto sucks in his cheeks, giving Sasuke more of his warmth, more of the softness of his mouth, careful with the teeth. Sasuke’s eyes trail down from above at how Naruto’s mouth engulfs around his dick perfectly, how his whiskered-cheeks work against him. When the thrusts start to get irregular, announcing an orgasm, Naruto’s head lifts slightly. _A deepthroat._ Fuck. Sakura’s perfume still lingers in the air when Sasuke comes, hot and slicky, down Naruto’s throat, moaning at how the blond gags around him, but swallows almost _professionally._

“Take it… Fuck…” Sasuke leans forward on the headboard, sowly sliding in and out of the blond’s mouth, who moans around him, riding out his orgasm. Naruto’s eyes open to stare at the man as he sticks his tongue out to show him that he had swallowed everything. Sasuke tries a weak smirk, panting, “Good boy…”

Sasuke stops thrusting at some point, and his grip on the headboard disappears as he shifts around on the bed to hover over Naruto, who now looks sleepy and adorable. The brunet’s eyes wander over his weakened, relaxed form. He brings Naruto’s bloody wrists to his mouth and places soft kisses over the wounds, lying over him, eyes locked into Naruto’s blue shimmering ones.

“Would you _crumble_ for me?” Sasuke speaks against the reddened skin of the blond’s slender wrist.

Naruto’s eyes dart away to the sunrays coming full on through the window, engulfed in Sakura’s perfume, like a ghost who wouldn’t leave him alone. “I would crumble and always pull myself together, _only for you,_ ” Naruto is honest—he forces the words out. He feels Sasuke’s soft smile against his skin and grins when the brunet leans up to peck his lips.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Yes, Sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck. that's all i gotta say. see y'all in hell.


	14. caught

Naruto walks out of the bathroom, wearing only the pair of boxers that Sasuke handed to him. The shower has been refreshing, soothing to the pain he felt both in his wrists, _ass_ and hoarse throat, because Sasuke really has pushed relentlessly into him. His brain is still hazy, as if he can’t possibly pluck himself out from the fantasy he has just _lived._ Sasuke is walking around the studio, tidying things up. It’s a beautiful morning, the sun is warm and makes a home out of Sasuke’s house plants and crystal frills, placed here and there on shelves.

When he spots him, a dazzling smile blooms on Sasuke’s lips, dizzying and soft. His eyes are bearing candor as he begins to speak, padding to Naruto, “Feeling good?”

Naruto clears his throat, tired, “My ass hurts.”

“As it should,” the blond gives him a faint shoulder punch as a protest, but Sasuke just laughs. It’s the first time that Naruto has seen him look so alive, so youthful, carefree. It doesn’t even compare to the way he looked when he walked into his office back then, for the appointment. Naruto observes him quietly, not aware of the smiles that spreads on his own lips.

The studio was quiet as both of the men occupied themselves. Naruto saw a notification on his phone from Kakashi, a text that came in a few minutes ago, but he didn’t bother to read it—he’d do it later. He went straight to his email, navigating on his phone, sprawled out on the couch as Sasuke busied himself in the kitchen with a cigarette. Tsunade had everything under control back at his clinic—he’d have to go back to Konoha in about two days.

“Sasuke,” Naruto suddenly yells so Sasuke can hear him, “I’m hungry.”

“Thought you _ate_ already,” Sasuke takes a drag out of his cigarette, eyes darting to the window. He admires the wind that makes the leaves dance slowly and he remembers his hometown for a second. He’d still be trapped in that field of memories if Naruto didn’t step into the kitchen with a pissed-off look on his face at the raven’s comment, that made the latter laugh again, exhaling the smoke simultaneously.

“You’re really…” Naruto begins, but then shakes his head in utter defiance, closing his mouth. He then pads to the fridge and pulls its door open, staring inside curiously. His tanned skin still shines beautifully in the sunrays. Sasuke is enchanted, downright fascinated—his mouth has been watering at the sight for the past two minutes which felt like eternity. “No,” Naruto says, feeling the raven’s eyes on him, answering an unsaid question, “You’re not getting a second round. I’m wasted.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Sasuke defends himself, placing one palm on the counter as he stares at Naruto who fumbles through the fridge for something eatable. His face crumples at the sight of all that healthy food resting there, clearly _not_ winking at him. Broccoli, some soup, tofu…

“What the fuck? You guys live like _this?_ ” Sasuke chuckles at the blond’s bewilderment. As he approaches him, Sasuke notices that, despite the years having passed by them, he’s still slightly taller than the blond and broader. Naruto looks small next to him, still. _Adorable._ “This is terrible.”

“Dobe,” Sasuke moves Naruto away from the fridge by pushing him with his arm, proceeding to crouch to a certain length, staring inside. “This is the shelf with the unhealthy shit that Sakura indulges in. You could eat everything, for all I care.”

The mention of Sakura makes Naruto’s chest tighten. She was probably still at the hospital, clueless about their fling, clueless about what happened this morning. But then again, Naruto remembered the screenshots and felt slightly better. At least Sasuke couldn’t be completely guilty of it, so Naruto had a word for himself, implied and strong. Still, his chest tightened and the atmosphere around them fell awkward.

“Why is it always you?” Naruto asks quietly, watching Sasuke move away from the fridge. He crouches the same way the latter did earlier, fumbles again, and decides upon a chocolate ice-cream which he plucks out.

“Huh?” Sasuke blinks. “Me?”

“Yes,” Naruto’s voice is a quiet whisper. “I don’t know what’s with me, I just… don’t get it, fuck,” Naruto pulls open the packaging and licks the ice-cream once, shivering at the sudden coldness invading his mouth. Sasuke’s eyes soften alongside his features as he gets closer to Naruto and rubs his fingers on the man’s whiskered-cheek with an endearing stare.

“Stop worrying so much,” Sasuke advises, keeping his softness. Naruto licks his lips, eyes darting away. “And don’t feel bad about… you know.”

“Thanks, I’m cured,” Naruto rolls his eyes, lapping at the ice-cream again as he rips away from Sasuke’s touch to sit at the table. The brunet follows him, pulling a chair closer to Naruto’s and sits by his side, opening his mouth for the ice-cream. Naruto protests, pushing him away by the forehead.

“Dobe, I bought it, I deserve some,” Sasuke resists Naruto’s touch. The blond can’t repress his chuckle and eventually gives in, letting Sasuke have a bite of his ice-cream. “Good,” Sasuke talks full-mouthed.

“How the fuck do you just… bite into it like that? What the fuck, Satan?” Sasuke rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he chews. “You people are crazy.”

“Treat us, then,” the smirk Sasuke shows is breath-taking and Naruto curses himself for not being able to control the flush that overcomes him.

“I’m not a miracle worker,” the blond defends himself finally, continuing to lap at the ice-cream, lips slightly smeared with chocolate. “Plus, I’m dropping the case. I just… can’t. I don’t even care about what others will say or my reputation. This is too much for me.”

“I didn’t think anything would be too much for you,” Sasuke’s smirk slowly falters away, but he’s calm and collected. “But if that’s your decision, I’ll support it.”

Naruto doesn’t know why, but his chest tightens with fondness at the words, and so he leans in, catching Sasuke’s lips in a slow kiss. The raven is surprised, but soon kisses back, moving a hand up on the side of Naruto’s head and stroking the golden locks. Naruto is the one who deepens their kiss, leaning limp into the touch, breathing softly through his nose.

The door swings open.

“Careful, Sakura,” Kakashi advises the girl who walks inside of the studio, but then stops in front of him abruptly, eyes wide as they fall upon the two men kissing each other slowly and passionately. Her heart takes a strong leap into her throat as the realization hits. This is reality, this is not a dream. It's unfolding right before her eyes.

It doesn’t take long for Naruto to notice another presence and he pulls away from the kiss, mortified. Sasuke blinks at him, and then his eyes dart to Sakura who lets out a soft whimper as she begins to cry.

_Silence._

Fuck. Naruto moves to stand up, but Sakura just steps away, hitting an equally shocked Kakashi with her back.

“Sasuke, what the fuck?” Kakashi is the one to address it, while Sakura stares dumbfounded, as if she doesn’t even belong to this world anymore. “Naruto?”

The blond opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. His lips are reddened from the earlier kiss. A hickey is on his neck. He’s naked, aside from the borrowed boxers—Sakura can recognize them as belonging to Sasuke, since they've been together for a couple of years. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Kakashi grabs Sakura by the shoulders to steady her as she starts losing balance, tears dripping down her pale face. The bandages are gone, only showing a bunch of brown scars and stitches. _So that's what the text was about,_ Naruto thinks to himself, biting the inside of his cheek. _Shit._

“What I have to say for myself?” Naruto bursts into a nervous laughter, still mortified, staring at the hurt and pain, mixed with wrath, in Sakura’s eyes. “Well, _fuck_.”

"What about you, Sasuke?"

The raven smirks, "Bad timing."


	15. the truth

“Put some _damn_ clothes on,” Kakashi sounds angry, and he should be—Naruto _used to be_ trusted, but now the appearances make it contrastive. The grey-haired man grabs Sakura by the waist, trying to move her away from the sight, but she just stands on her thin, trembling legs, eyes scanning the surroundings which she used to once call home, the table where Sasuke used to kiss her on the forehead and tell her that no matter what, everything is going to be alright—that’s the way their relationship had started out.

“Fuck,” Naruto whispers again, before he brings a hand to scratch the back of his head awkwardly. Nausea creeps up on his throat as he strolls down the hallway to grab whatever he could find, his clothes from yesterday, an old night gown, _anything._ Half-naked like this, he feels even more exposed.

“WHAT THE FUCK, SASUKE?!” Sakura finally breaks down, and her scream makes the called man wince. His eyes dart away from her, pretending that this is not happening, that history doesn’t repeat itself, except that he’s actually in Naruto’s shoes this time. Itachi appears in his head like a long-lost memory—if he looked at Sakura for too long, he’s sure her pretty face would morph into his brother’s. _Terrifying._

Sasuke keeps his silence tight.

“Are you… Are you… Seriously?” her voice grows small, hoarse from the yelling. Kakashi is right behind her, having given up on taking her out of the apartment. This was between her and her husband—they deserve some privacy, which is why the older man waits for Naruto patiently.

“Sasuke,” Sakura tries again, clasping her hands together, her eyes teary and bloodshot. The man brings himself to look at her and his stomach turns. _Itachi._ “I’m talking to you. God, please… Please say something.”

Sasuke sighs, before placing his hands on the table top as he brings himself up on his feet, “What do you want to hear?”

Sakura breaks down even harder as she hears those words rolling out of her husband’s lips so carelessly, as if he ran on autopilot. Her face crumples in pain, looking small and weary, like a little girl being scolded for something she hasn’t done. Sasuke stares at her, his features empty despite of Sakura trying to find at least an ounce of suffering, of revolt, anger, sadness, _something._ Nothing.

Naruto brings his presence in the worst moment of the picture, wearing his own clothes, which was a plus. Wearing Sasuke’s would have caused even more of a mess. Sakura’s eyes dart to him and Naruto feels her wrath overflowing. The anger and the pain make him nauseous again— _fuck, I’ll throw up._ Naruto drags his jacket over his shoulders as he approaches the now silent group.

“Fuck,” Naruto says again. He didn’t know of any other words to describe this. Even his heart was breaking for Sakura. The blond briefly wonders how the fuck did he get himself into this type of situation, _yet again._ “Sakura,” Naruto mutters, as the pink-haired girl plunges forward at him with a deep frown on her face.

Naruto catches her forearms right in time. She squirms, wincing slightly—the scars. _Fuck._ Naruto’s hands are gentle on her skin. All he tries to do is push her away, slowly, but Sakura is persistent. A string of yells, unintelligible, escape her mouth. Naruto, upon fear that he might open her wounds again if he grips on too tight, lets go of her arms and shuts his eyes tight as the first slap comes over his face, turning his head to the side.

_Silence._

Naruto licks his lips, fearfully opening one eye. He sees Sasuke approaching them, frowning even deeper than the pink-haired girl.

“No,” Naruto’s hand extends forward when Sasuke tries to move Sakura away, opening his mouth to say something, but upon the blond’s words, he closes it right back. “No, let her hit me. I deserve it,” the chuckle is sheepish, nervous and awkward. Naruto has a red imprint on his cheek.

“You… were supposed to… fix me!” Sakura’s voice breaks as the second slap comes across the other cheek, which Naruto winces at. _Damn, she has some strength._ Sakura begins to cry again, broken out, her voice yelling again—unintelligible. Naruto’s heart tightens in his chest as his own eyes fill up with tears at the incoming thoughts: the history repeating itself, the way Itachi looked at him back then, the way he was one of the most notorious therapists… Over and over again. His head is flooding.

The third palm flies towards him, but it doesn’t land, to Naruto’s surprise. When the blond opens his eyes again, having previously prepared for the impact, his face falls. Sasuke is standing in front of him, fists clenched, pale cheek reddening. Sakura’s staring at him, her eyes almost falling out of their sockets. Sasuke doesn’t even flinch when she lifts her palm again, but instead, he grabs her forearm, giving exactly zero fucks about the scars.

“If you hit him one more time, I’m calling the police,” Sasuke all but growls. “I don’t give a shit about your anger. Oh, by the way, how’s Rock Lee doing?” Sakura’s face drains of blood upon the mention, looking like a sick skeleton. “Exactly, get the fuck out of here.”

Naruto peeks at them from behind Sasuke. _This is not good, fuck._

“H-How did you find out?” Sakura staggers. Sasuke smirks down at her.

“Does it matter?” and then, he returns to their main problem. The previous subject was irritating him and he wasn’t about to hit a girl. “You know the one you should be hitting is me, right? Naruto doesn’t have _shit_ to do with this. He’s a therapist, not your miracle worker. Get the fuck out.”

Kakashi walks to them, “Sasuke, it’s better to stop.”

“Why would I?” the raven’s face bears a smirk, “After all, if there’s any cheaters in here, it’s both of us. Naruto has nothing to do with it, and that’s what Mrs. Lee right here doesn’t get,” Sakura’s eyebrows furrow. “Anyways,” Sasuke sounded like he really didn’t give a shit—and everyone believed him, “Gather up your stuff. I already spoke to a lawyer. I want a divorce.”

“So you’re leaving me f-for him?” Sakura points to Naruto, whose eyes were now fixated on the floor.

Sasuke looks at Naruto once over his shoulder before he returns to face Sakura, “What do you want to hear? A _no?_ Sorry, can’t do that,” his chuckle makes Sakura’s heart throb with pain. “I’m sick of trying to always fix shit for you, Sakura, every single fucking time. If you want to, we can talk in private. I’m not hurting him for your sake.”

Kakashi sighs, coming behind Sakura and grabbing her elbow, “Sasuke, that’s enough. Naruto… Do you have something to say?”

The blond moves Sasuke out of the way, his hands so gentle and familiar on his form. He stands before Sakura, head hung low, his cheek slightly bruising. He opens his mouth to speak, then shuts his eyes off tight, as if he was fighting in a nightmare and tried to wake up. Sakura is waiting expectantly, crossing her arms over her chest. Naruto licks his lips—the words just won’t come out, no matter how much he forces himself to.

“Sasuke, who is this man, really? A useless piece of shit! And I thought he was a great therapist!” Sakura bites, her green eyes teary, although she tries to seem more angry than sad. Sasuke cards a hand through the black locks of hair, exasperated. He just wants this to be over.

“We’ll talk in private, Sakura. Please, just get it, _fucking_ get it,” the situation was too much for him after a sleepless night. Sasuke looked at Naruto and a pang of pain traversed him. _Is he thinking about Itachi?_ He saw the way Naruto’s features filled with vulnerability—he has never looked more humane than now.

“Sakura,” his voice trembled. “ _FUCK!”_ no one expected the groan, the yelling, the crumbling. Naruto brings his hands up slowly and places them on his ears, as if to block out any noise, any breath, everything. His head was spinning and he felt less and less air filling up his chest. _Am I hyperventilating?_ It’s the only thought that Naruto can make clear out of the mess that races in his mind.

“Move,” Sasuke is starting to panic, his own pulse catching up “Fucking move,” he shoves Sakura away, voice quiet but threatening as he moved to Naruto, whose eyes looked out of this world. It’s not until he starts panting that Sasuke knows what’s going on. Kakashi tenses up as well. _It’s bad. This is bad._ Sasuke’s eyes fill up with both fear and precaution.

_A panic attack._

“Get the fuck out,” Sasuke turns at Sakura, yells, his eyes burning deep holes in her green eyes. “I said, get the fuck out. I’m not saying it again,” Sakura steps back, genuinely afraid, walking out of the apartment with a hand clasped on her mouth. Kakashi doesn’t follow her, but instead runs to the counter to get a glass of water and moves quickly in Sasuke’s direction.

Naruto’s body slowly slips to the floor.

“Fuck,” Sasuke all but growls, in anger, pain and despair. _Fuck that bitch._

“Naruto, can you hear me?” Kakashi crouches next to Naruto, face-level, slapping his cheek lightly. “Naruto,” Kakashi insists, despite not getting any results. Naruto’s hissing through his lips, tears streaming down his face in waves. Sasuke pinches the bridge of his nose. He’d be so good at this, so calculated, if it wasn’t Naruto.

Sasuke finally snaps. He takes the glass away from Kakashi’s hand and motions for him to get out and keep quiet. _I’ll take care of him,_ his eyes speak. Kakashi understands, rises to his feet and walks outside, closing the door behind him, right when Sasuke’s arms overlap around Naruto, attempt to lift him. He manages to, in the end, with little help from the blond, and guides him to the window which he opens largely.

“Let’s breathe, Naruto, please…” the blond is still panting, face white. His eyes flutter close from time to time. _Please don’t faint, don’t faint._ Sasuke’s arm is steadying him, snaked around his waist. He can’t show his panic, can’t look scared—for the one who has a panic attack, this is even worse, it makes everything considerably _worse._ Sasuke’s voice is soothing and his phrases are simple when they come out, as Naruto leans over the window, shivering.

“Let’s breathe, love,” Sasuke gulps, “Do it with me. Can you do that?”

A small nod comes from Naruto.

“One… inhale…, two… exhale…” Sasuke tries to hide how his fingers are trembling. This has never happened to him before. He was so good with this at his workplace, never messed up, never was terrified, but now, it’s another _soup._ “One… inhale… two… exhale…” he watches as Naruto tries to follow along, sniffing. _Good. He’s responsive. Good!_

“I’ll throw up…” Naruto manages to choke out. _Fuck._ Sasuke’s eyes widen.

“Naruto, breathe, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Sasuke brings a hand to rub his nape soothingly. “Breathe through your mouth, slowly. Do it with me,” Sasuke offers a pattern and Naruto attempts to follow along, calming down little by little. The nausea remains.

“I’ll throw up, Sasuke, I’m—serious,” Naruto gags once, trying to repress it. Sasuke is quick to act, finally catching a grip on himself. He grabs Naruto’s wrist and stumbles to the bathroom, urging the blond inside, who falls on his knees near the toilet.

“Breathe,” Sasuke’s eyes shut tight, hand holding Naruto’s fringe. “Breathe… Just breathe. It’s okay,” Sasuke repeats it over and over again, watching the blond’s body curl with the violent throwing up. It’s the worst panic attack that the brunet had seen in a while. Naruto didn’t faint, though—which was a grand surprise.

*

“You were a little rough on him, Sakura,” Kakashi begins to speak after a while. The girl is leaning against the wall, right by the door, arms crossed over her chest. “Sasuke said he wanted to talk in private.”

“I couldn’t help it,” Sakura excuses herself poorly, “I just had to say it.”

The sound of vomiting takes them by surprise. “See? That’s what I was talking about.”

Sakura sighs, looking skyward, absent-mindedly. Her face reads no emotion, despite the wave earlier.

*

“You done?” Sasuke asks, as Naruto tries to regulate his breathing, still curled over the toilet. He spits once again, before nodding, long blond hair bouncing on his forehead. “Good, you can get my toothbrush. I’ll buy another one,” Sasuke rubs his nape again, reassuringly. Naruto nods again.

“Okay,” his voice is hoarse and small. _He’s back. Thank God. Thank God…_ Sasuke stands up, running a hand through the ink-like locks.

“I’ll be back,” he announces, “Will you be okay?”

Naruto brings himself to his feet, knees still wobbly, “Don’t worry about me.”

_How could I not?_ Sasuke’s features soften. _I trust you._ “Alright,” and with that, he walks fast down the hallway and outside of his apartment, coming face to face with Kakashi and Sakura.

*

“Let’s talk,” it’s not a request, it’s a command. Sakura startles at the sudden voice. The door slas shut behind the brunet whose eyes are piercing into green ones. Sakura swallows thickly, aware of her guilt, her mistake, but she can’t bring herself to be sorry about it, to voice it out loud. Sasuke’s firm, “Now.”

Kakashi opens his mouth, but is interrupted by Sasuke’s voice once again, “Take care of him till I’m back. And don’t intervene, this is none of your business to begin with.”

Both of them can feel the brunet’s anger seeping through, but it’s visible that he’s trying to repress it. Sakura nods along with Kakashi, who excuses himself, walking into the apartment, closing the door behind him quietly. Sasuke’s eyes dart once again to Sakura, who licks her lips.

“Let’s get coffee,” Sasuke knows that Sakura understands what he means. There’s a coffee shop right by the studio, which is usually not very busy. Two minutes away. _So he wants to come back quickly,_ Sakura thinks to herself as she follows the man down the stairs. Sasuke smells like Naruto—it makes Sakura’s stomach churn.

*

“What… did you want to talk about? The divorce?” Sakura begins as they sit at a table on the pavement. The wind rustles their clothes. Sasuke takes a long sip of the coffee, dark circles obvious around his ashy eyes. Sakura looks at him and her heart races. Sasuke was as handsome as ever, excepting the fact that something about him is changed—his eyes are softer, his face is more luminous. He’s glowing.

“No,” Sasuke replies simply, “I want to tell you about Naruto.”

“What about him?” Sakura’s eyes widen slightly. “I think I know… enough.”

“No, no, you don’t. You have no idea, actually,” Sasuke interrupts, taking another sip of his coffee. His throat was still slightly burning from his drunk past days. “You don’t know what he means to me.”

Sakura’s heart leaps into her throat. “Are you trying to hurt me?”

“Not at all,” Sasuke is honest. His voice is latched with calmness now. “I just need… to get it off my chest. So you wouldn’t think that I’m a horrible person. Although, you did the same, with no remorse,” a slight frown overcame his brows, but left soon after. “I have to get it off my chest. Are you willing to listen?”

Sakura looks down at her own macchiato, “Sure. I’m just… I don’t know. Go ahead. I don’t care anymore,” _Yes I do._ Her heart breaks inside her chest. Rock Lee is a faint memory now, with Sasuke sitting like this in front of her, youthful and beautiful.

“What you need to know… and I’m sorry that it might hurt, perhaps you only did it for sex, I don’t know, I don’t care either,” Sasuke begins, “But, it’s not only that for me. I could get it anywhere, do we agree on that?” the smirk that flies past his lips makes Sakura sweat a little. _Yes._ “I could get it. It’s not hard for me, it has never been. However, I stuck around with you. I never stepped wrong on you, never thought you were especially terrible, not even when I saw those screenshots. I am repulsed, yes, just like you are with me, I suppose,” Sakura listens intently. A pang of sadness overcomes her. “It’s horrible, really, it’s horrible to cheat on someone. This is not the first time that I find myself in this type of situation and… that’s where the story begins, Sakura. And it’s not a pretty one.”

Sakura nods, urging him to continue.

“I’ve had… an alcohol problem for years. I think you’ve noticed, but you didn’t take it as seriously as you should have. I can take care of myself, obviously, but back then, I couldn’t. I was also a drug addict. I forgot days, I forgot faces… Hell, I can’t even remember who my first kiss was, when I got down the first time. When mom…” and his voice tightens, “When mom came to see me at the hospital once, I couldn’t recognize her. My own mother, Sakura, my own mother. I had no idea. Itachi… I messed up with him. Badly.”

Sakura remembers, “You told me you guys don’t speak anymore.”

“I haven’t talked to him in forever,” Sasuke chuckles sadly, staring at the steaming coffee. It looks like he’s talking to himself, to his reflection in the brown macchiato. “It’s because… Well, you see…” his nervous chuckle makes him look even sadder, “Naruto was actually Itachi’s boyfriend back then.”

Sakura startles, “Itachi’s boyfriend?” she repeats, as if she was trying to make sure she heard it right.

“Yes. I ruined them,” it hurts him, how he says it, but he says it as it was. There’s no other truth than this. “One night, Naruto came after me… I was absolutely shit-faced. I thought I could even kill him on the spot. I was overdosing on a bunch of things. I was _gone_ , it was my lowest point. Know what he did?”

“Had sex with you?” Sasuke snorts.

“My fucking god, no,” Sasuke places a hand on his face. “He helped me, in a moment when anyone wouldn’t have laid a hand on me, not to be caught by the police and possibly blamed for my death. The boy put me to the ground and stuck his fingers down my throat. He was young. We were so young. No one knows how to handle a drug and alcohol addict at that age, it’s something… almost out of a fairytale. And yet, he saved me, with all that he had. He even bathed me when we got home, I was covered in vomit.”

Sakura looked away, “And the others?”

“My parents weren’t home. Itachi was out for business.”

“Oh,” Sakura’s eyes are sad, but she urges him to continue.

“He cared for me, a bunch. He bathed me, made sure I wouldn’t fall asleep. I could’ve never woken up if I did. He kept me up all night, although he was equally tired, exhausted, drained. We sat and talked occasionally. And then, we kissed… I don’t know how it happened. What he thought. He doesn’t know, and neither do I. And Itachi walked in on us. Just like you did earlier. And both of us kicked him out. I continued fucking him, only a few times, and then he was gone. I never thought… I’d see him again.”

“But you did,” Sakura said, “ _Because of me.”_

“Ironic, right?” Sasuke chuckles. “I’d have to thank you for that, Sakura. You know you were really dear to me, but him… Oh god, I just can’t. I can’t, do you understand?” he leans forward over the table, only barely, eyes determined and sparkling. “I’m sorry, Sakura, I can’t let him get away this time. You have no idea how many nights I cried over him. I even asked him why he liked… Itachi more than me. We looked the same. Except I was the problem child. And still, I don’t think he ever could hate me, not even after that. Sakura, please,” Sasuke watches as the pink-haired girl’s eyes fill with tears, “Don’t make me lie to you.”

“At least… I got my reason,” Sakura smiles through the small tears. “I cheated on you because… I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I felt that your head was somewhere else. Was it with him? Were your thoughts, your soul, with him back then?”

Sasuke tenses up, but he has to be honest, “Yes. Fuck. All the time.”

“I felt it, I knew it,” Sakura’s smile is heartbreaking. She sits small at the table, just _a little young woman._ “By cheating, I proved to myself that I wasn’t shit. That you deserved better. I don’t know if it hurt you… It might’ve hurt you. But I don’t know. I don’t think you know either, might be your bruised ego, since… you don’t love me. Do you love me?” Sasuke tenses up again. “It’s better if I don’t know, actually. Sasuke, I’ve been yours for a long time, I know exactly when and where you hold back. And you’re holding back now. Do you love him?”

“With all my heart. I felt him everywhere, I feel him everywhere, nothing’s changed, nothing ever changes, fuck,” Sasuke’s gaze moves away. “I might die without him, I’m serious.”

“Then why did you choose me? Why did you stay?”

There it is. The question that Sasuke hoped he wouldn’t have to ever answer.

“I don’t know,” he really doesn’t. But Sakura understands perfectly.

“Alright,” Sakura’s voice is small. She wants to be strong, to look strong in front of him. “Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Sasuke asks, “What time is it? How long has it been?”

“It’s been twenty minutes.”

“No,” Sasuke says, seeming in a hurry, “There’s not anything that I’d say which wouldn’t hurt you further, and I’d rather keep my mouth shut. Because… this is between him and I. Apologize someday. He breaks easily. He cares about his job more than anyone else around. It’s his pride, this title… Please, for the love of God, leave him out of this. He hates disappointing people, especially his clients. He… had a panic attack,” by this point, Sasuke was rambling—Sakura can barely keep up, “Apologize. And with this… you have my apology as well. Although you cheated on me and then attempted, trying to get away from it. I’m sorry that you had to see that. Even though there’s no one I’d rather kiss more.”

“Would you die for him?” Sakura asks.

“I’d kill and live for him, I think that’s stronger than anything else. I told you, you have no idea… This is what I’ve wanted, what I’ve been waiting for,” Sakura’s chest tightens, “I hope you can understand. Don’t do anything stupid. Live your life. You’re young. You can find better than me.”

He sips the last bit of his coffee and gets up, “I’ll send you the details about the divorce. Gather up your stuff, we’re selling the studio. Half and half, moving separately,” and then he’s out of the picture, pale, lean and toned, a beautiful young man, looking like a shadow on the pavement. Sakura’s eyes follow him. He doesn't bother with any goodbyes, he doesn't have to. The pink-haired girl knows she'll never see him again, never kiss him again, never lay a hand on him--all their little moments turn around in her head on all sides, her lover, her perfect man. Only when Sasuke's officially nowhere to be seen, her delicate hands come to her face and she cries in her palms, quietly. the puzzle breaks apart. There's nothing left for her here. 


	16. For whom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter to get back on track, sorry :[   
> i'm just a poor literature student who is trying to become a teacher ]:

“Hey…” Sasuke’s voice is quiet, somehow shy, as he greets Naruto who’s currently lying on the couch, one forearm draped over his eyes, blocking out the light.

“Hi,” Naruto mutters back sleepily, sketching a small smile, moving slightly so Sasuke can sit next to him. The brunet plops down, extending his fingertips forward, grazing them lightly against Naruto’s lips before leaning down and pecking them softly, slightly wet. “Where have you been?”

“Well,” Sasuke chuckles, “I fixed some things. Doesn’t matter,” his hand strokes the soft flesh of Naruto’s whiskered cheek, as if he was checking if Naruto was really there, if this was really happening or he was dreaming. The headache that has overcome the blond is the result of his earlier panic attack, incessant and _killer._

Naruto exposes his eyes, forearm extending, motioning for Sasuke to come cuddle him. The brunet gives him an endeared smile before he hovers over him, brushing the soft, blond fringe back from his forehead. Naruto closes his eyes, leaning up into the touch, the world around him and all his worries slowing to a brief stop as Sasuke’s arms wrap around his thin form. The blond forgets for a while about everything that went on, about Sakura’s hurt eyes, reflecting Itachi’s from a few years back. _Why is it always you?_ Naruto asks himself, but when Sasuke kisses him again, he knows the answer.

*

“I’m going home, for a while, until everything settles down,” Naruto explains, holding a cigarette between his slender fingers, occasionally taking small puffs. Kakashi looks at him, leaning with his back against the wall at the entrance in his clinic.

“Does Sasuke know?”

“Yes,” Naruto gives him a grin. “He agreed to it… I mean, I don’t really want to be there when Sakura comes over,” he shivers at the thought, “I hate breakups. You know, I thought I was so good with this… This is one of my few career fails,” Kakashi chuckles at that.

“Naruto, you knew what you were getting yourself into,” the blond sighs out the smoke as Kakashi speaks. An early morning unfolds around them. Naruto has accompanied Sasuke to the clinic and knew he was working upstairs, the blond just wanted to have a talk with Hatake.

“I can’t deny that,” Naruto’s eyes trail to the ground. “However… I think I’m okay?” Kakashi perks up, “I think I am okay. I always tell my patients that, no matter what you do, you’re human in the end, and humans are prone to mistakes. I’m a therapist, not a miracle worker.”

Naruto takes a short break, before he speaks again.

“And, to think about it, Sasuke is going for a divorce, and I knew that beforehand,” he is trying to excuse himself, but it works poorly. Naruto has always had this incessant feeling that he needed to justify his every move, every gesture—everything had a good or almost good explanation for him.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble…” Kakashi motions for the cigarette, which Naruto hands him, at the half, “but I’m sure you know that Sasuke is sort of a… relapsing alcoholic. Do you think it will work? Do you think you have what it takes?”

Naruto looks skyward, admiring the puffy clouds, drowning in the faint purple of the sunrise as the weak wind envelops his form, “I’m not sure. I don’t think anyone has what it takes, when it comes to Sasuke… He has always been this sort of unreachable thing to me,” his voice is soft, laced with vulnerability, “Itachi too.”

Kakashi startles a little at the mention of the man. “Have you spoken to him?”

“Not yet, but I’m planning to,” Naruto gives him a smile, “I want to… fix things. So I can finally be at peace. I hope he does come, though.”

“Hm,” Kakashi nods, “He might. Holding a grudge for so long probably hasn’t given him anything else, but… Does Sasuke know about it?”

“Not yet, and—“ Naruto is interrupted by the soft voice of a girl who comes running to the two of them. She’s wearing a typical outfit for a nurse, her hair is purple and long, eyes of a deep grey. Naruto squints. _Who is this?_ As she extends her hand forward with a little notebook and a red pen.

“Can you sign this for me?” she looks up blushing. “I heard you were coming by… I want an autograph. Naruto Uzumaki, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Naruto was flustered, but he did take the pen and the notebook. Positioning the paper in his palm, Naruto scribbled out a signature and then his eyes locked inside those grey ones, “For whom?”

“Hinata Hyuuga!” the girl chirped, clasping her hands together. Kakashi quietly watched the interaction.

“ For Hinata Hyuuga…” Naruto repeated slowly as he wrote the mention and then handed back the notebook with a sheepish smile, “There you go.”

“Yay!” the girl’s eyes sparkled as she looked down at the signature, her legs trembling slightly. She extended her hand forward as a greeting and Naruto grabbed it. It was light and soft, almost like a feather. The girl’s hand lingered for far too long.


	17. packing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the sasusaku bit that we, as sasunaru whores, will never talk about again, but it had to happen for plot

Sasuke pulls the door to the studio open, shirtless and only wearing his boxers. Sakura notices how he has shortened his hair even more, changed the style, so now it parts in the middle, still long by the sides, but not covering half of his face anymore. The girl ducks her head as a greeting before she steps inside, carrying a trolley cabin suitcase which she drags on the floor. She came to pack her clothes and other belongings, not all of them—she’d have to come by at least a few more times before she can get everything out of the studio. Sasuke had to begin packing as well. From their knowledge, Temari has already found someone willing to buy the studio for a good price, and Sasuke was occupying himself with a lawyer.

“Aren’t you going to at least say good morning?” Sasuke pads behind her, messing his bed hair even more by carding a hand through the fine locks. Sakura sighs as she crouches next to the bed, opening a drawer.

“Good morning, Sasuke,” she says as if on autopilot, not even beginning to look at her (ex?) husband. Sasuke leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms above his chest, keeping his eyes closed. He looked exhausted. “Rough night?” Sakura continued.

“Kind of,” the man shrugged. “Another suicide attempt, a lot to do, a ton of paperwork, medicine… all of that,” Sasuke stopped to yawn into his fist, “If you’re considered good at something, that doesn’t mean the difficulty lessens all the way.”

“Hm,” Sakura pulls out a photo of the two of them that they’ve taken on a beach holiday. She tosses it aside. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes,” Sasuke groans barely, feeling a headache coming in. It was always like this whenever he woke up. Being next to him for so many years, Sakura has gotten used to it. Her heart ached at the thought that she’d never be able to just… be here. Her pink hair falls around her face as a curtain as she tries to fight back tears. She has been gloomy for a week now. “What’s with you? Coming so early…”

“I wanted to finish off with the first round,” Sakura explains. It pains her to talk, to just be so casual, to pretend nothing happened. She had her fault in it as well. “I… You know, I actually can’t believe that…” _we’ve let such a pretty thing like ours go to waste,_ “Actually, nevermind.”

“Good,” Sasuke spoke, now inspecting his nails, “I don’t want to hear it, Saku.”

The nickname tugs at her heart. She just wants to get out of here as soon as possible.

“How are things with Naruto?”

“None of your business,” the frown that sharpens Sasuke’s eyebrows looks actually threatening, as he remembers everything that went on last week before Naruto decided to go to Konoha until everything was settled.

“Oh…” Sakura’s voice is only a small whisper as she brings out her makeup products, a simple eyeliner and a red lipstick, another photograph of theirs which she absolutely refuses to look at, a small, broken mirror which she used to occasionally check out her blush in and a little bracelet that Sasuke got for her on their second date. The brunet watches the belongings impassively, as if they mean nothing at all. But, to Sakura, they’re everything, “I’m keeping them.”

“Do whatever you want,” it can be interpreted as rude, but Sasuke seems calm, calmer than usual. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes of getting rid of his headache. “How’s Rock Lee, then?” the smirk is sarcastic. Sakura tenses up.

“What? You jealous?” she decides to bite back.

“Never, he has a better ass than you,” Sakura tries to frown at him, but soon after, both of them burst into a fit of laughter. Sasuke couldn’t repress it anymore. “What the hell?” he asks, mid-laughter, as Sakura covers her mouth with her palm, smile bright and cheerful.

“I think your patients should be treating you, you’re sick,” Sakura wipes the corner of her eye. The stupidity of the situation makes both of them laugh. It’s so… stupid, Sasuke thinks to himself. How they’ve both cheated on each other at the same time. It’s better to laugh about it than to cry about it.

“I doubt that,” Sasuke replies, moving away from the doorframe and walking over to Sakura. “Let me help you with this fucking shit so you can get the fuck out faster,” he tries to repress his laughter, but fails again when he hears Sakura laughing herself.

“Alright, thanks.”

“Not welcome at all, rush out,” Sasuke laughs.

“Fuck you,” Sakura retorts.

“You ain’t anymore,” the smirk is full of malice. Sakura sighs out the last breaths of laughter as she places her clothes tidily inside the suitcase. It’ll take a while for her to get used to all of this, to moving out. This has been their home after all.

“Actually…” Sakura stops, right when she’s about to step out of the studio, “I have a question.”

“Amaze me,” Sasuke crosses his arms, smirking. “What question could you possibly have?”

“You know… Naruto is actually attractive,” Sakura feigns shyness, “Does he have a big dick?”

"I actually have to make three points about that," Sasuke's smirk persists, “First, yes, Second, he's mine, Third, Out,” and with a half-gentle hand, shoves a laughing Sakura out of the studio with absolutely no remorse, closing the door behind her.


	18. and if you see him, tell him i love him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone asked about how i imagine sasuke's appearance in this, so i linked a pic from sasuke shinden! :D

Sasuke blinks the sleep away, coming back from the world of dreams. The ceiling is too white, but not bothersome. _Where am I?_ He brings a hand up to his eyes to rub the sleep away, but shifts uncomfortably when he feels an arm draping over him. Only then does he notice that Naruto is sleeping soundly next to him, skin on skin. His cheek is squished against the brunet’s milky shoulder. Sasuke cannot repress the endeared smile that comes over his lips when he rolls over and snakes an arm over Naruto, holding him close. They’re in Konoha. Sakura only finished a few days ago packing and Sasuke decided he’ll stay at Naruto’s place until they sold the studio.

“Sasu…” Naruto whispers, blinking slowly.

“Did I wake you up, love?” Sasuke’s voice is as husky and elegant as ever, burying his face in Naruto’s blond hair.

“If I say yes, can I kick your ass?”

Sasuke chuckles at that.

“You can try.”

“Usuratonkachi,” Naruto whispers, mouth crashed against Sasuke’s skin as he does so.

“Hey, that’s my line!” The raven protests, but Naruto only laughs sleepily, keeping his eyes closed further on.

“You’re as much an idiot as I am, don’t worry about it,” Naruto repressed a yawn, burying his body further into Sasuke’s own, taking into his natural body scent. He smells like home and roses. Sasuke cards a hand through Naruto’s long hair, feeling its softness. He would swear it resembled silk.

“Mm, I like that,” Naruto pushes further into Sasuke’s hand that keeps caressing his hair. He’s almost purring when Sasuke takes his hand out and departs for a little bit to look at Naruto’s sleepy face. His blue eyes flutter open, glimmering cutely from under the covers, making the raven’s heart melt.

“You’re so sweet,” Sasuke doesn’t realize that he has just blurted that out up until the blush creeps up on the apples of Narut’s whiskered-cheeks. The raven cannot help but extend a hand forward, grazing his skin softly over the whisker marks, “Neko.”

“Neko?” Naruto asks, half-laughing, although he’s just a bit aroused.

“Neko,” Sasuke confirms, preparing to say a lot more but he’s interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing, cutting through the sweet silence inside of Naruto’s bedroom. He lives in a pretty house, neat and with a white-orange modern design. Sasuke enjoys it.

“Answer that,” Naruto almost pouts, “It’s hurting my ears,” to which Sasuke chuckles, rolling over to grab his phone from the nightstand, missing the newfound mischief inside the blond’s eyes. “Who is it?” Naruto continues as Sasuke watches the display, pulling himself up on the pillows so he’s in a sitting position.

“Hello,” Sasuke speaks into the phone, eyes darting to Naruto. He mouths _Kakashi_ and Naruto gets it. _Oh._ “Yes,” Sasuke repeats a few times, looking away, attentive and awfully professional. “Yes, I managed to get the transfer bill—No, I haven’t bought the building yet.”

From Naruto’s knowledge, Sasuke wanted to run his own clinic down here in Konoha. Naruto respects that, because it was time for Sasuke to be on his own feet and not covered by Kakashi’s shadow, although Naruto himself knew how hard it is to be a director and manage everything. He is grateful for Tsunade’s help. But, Sasuke should totally look into getting an assistant for the job, because he won’t be able to really be there all the time and get everything on point.

“Mhm, yes,” Sasuke hums. His eyes suddenly go wide when he spots Naruto shifting with a slight smirk on his face, pulling the covers off Sasuke’s body. _What the fuck is he—_ Oh. Naruto positions himself on his knees between the raven’s arms, the latter looking panicked and absolutely mortified as Kakashi keeps saying _Hello? Hello? Earth to Sasuke?_ through the speaker. Naruto has never been more thankful that the both of them only slept in boxers because it makes it easier for him to just lean down and mouth at Sasuke’s dick through the boxers. Morning wood? Naruto smirks. _Even better._

“Oh—Yes, no, I mean—“ Sasuke begins to stagger, gaze darted downwards to Naruto who licks over the silky material of the boxers. Sasuke wants to die on the spot as he holds his breath, waiting for Kakashi to hopefully finish the phrase. “Yes, I’ve got it all—figured out,” Sasuke manages to choke out, holding his breath again. His cheeks are starting to flush the moment when Naruto palms him through the boxers, rubbing softly right over the part where the tip rests, already wet with precome. He sticks his tongue out at the raven who all but glowers at the blond. _Mm…_

“Wait, hold on,” Sasuke speaks into his phone, putting Kakashi on mute only to mouth _I’m going to fucking kill you_ at a laughing Naruto, who lowers his boxers and takes into his erection, blue eyes darkening, eager and expectant. The raven unmutes Kakashi, keeping a glare on Naruto, “Uh, sorry. I had to do something, go on now.”

Naruto doesn’t even warn beforehand when he goes straight for the slit, swirling his tongue around it, wet and hot. Sasuke bites down hard on his lip, almost drawing blood, clenching his hand on the phone. He could’ve hung up, but both himself and Naruto knew that Kakashi barely has time for phone calls and this was an urgent matter. After all, Sasuke is moving workplaces and he cannot lay around for three months before he does so. The renovation and everything he’ll have to go through in order to get a handful of employees is going to be hard enough already. He wanted the best for the clinic he was about to own.

“Mm—Oh? No, no, I hit my little toe on some shit, sorry, Kakashi,” Sasuke speaks through gritted teeth, glad that he was able to at least release a soft breath of pleasure which wouldn’t be interpreted dirtily, a hand coming down, attempting to push Naruto away. Instead, the blond perks up from the slit and catches Sasuke’s fingers in his mouth, sucking softly, looking at him with half-lidded ocean eyes. Sasuke swears he hates Naruto in that moment, as Kakashi speaks and the raven can only make out like… half of it.

Naruto’s tongue swirls around the man’s fingers, tasting eagerly, blue eyes rolling up into his skull as he bobs his head upon them. Sasuke’s hips buckle slightly at the sight and Naruto gets it immediately, moving away from the fingers and licking his lips before he hovers over the reddened tip, taking it into his mouth. Sasuke shivers, back curling, as his knuckles turn white onto the grip on the phone. _Oh, fuck._ Naruto takes more of him into his mouth, dragging his tongue over the shaft, letting out a little moan which vibrates over the hot skin. When Naruto begins to bob his head up and down onto the length, lying on his stomach, sucking in his cheeks, Sasuke completely loses it. He barely manages to put Kakashi on mute before his head falls back, moaning loudly, catching a grip on Naruto’s hair.

“More,” Sasuke manages to utter out and Naruto internally grins, before he takes him to the base, gagging around his dick. The tightness and wetness of Naruto’s mouth make Sasuke’s toes curl with anticipation and he decides that he’s not going to hold back. It’s not until Naruto gets too aroused that he pushes his crotch down onto the mattress, softly breathing through his nose, irregular and warm.

Sasuke unmutes Kakashi, “Oh, yeah? That’s interesting—“ his voice is breathy. Naruto assumes that Kakashi asks him about it, because Sasuke retorts with a bored, “I’m just working out, that’s what I do in the morning.” He hears Kakashi’s hum. _That fucker._

Muted again.

“Let me cum down your throat,” Sasuke’s eyes are pleading when they meet Naruto’s blue eyes as the blond pulls out, stroking him up and down.

“Sure, babe, anything you want,” Naruto’s voice is so sweet, kind of hoarse from his deepthroat. Sasuke looks at him with equal love and lust, before he unmutes Kakashi again. _Fuck him._

Sasuke’s chest is heaving up and down from the breaths he takes, “Yes. Konoha. It’s in the centre… can you look it up for me?” Naruto’s tongue swirls over the slit one time, before he downright _engulfs him, oh fuck._ Sasuke’s hips buckle up and he unconsciously begins to fuck the blond’s mouth, who whimpers around him.

“Is that Naruto?” Kakashi can be heard on the speaker. Sasuke bites his lip to repress a moan, then speaks,

“Yes, he’s working out with me,” the bed begins to squeak as Sasuke pushes into Naruto’s mouth, bringing his leg up slightly for more power. The blond keeps his mouth open, saliva dripping down the corners of his pretty lips, eyes closed. His own hips are working against the mattress, rubbing himself eagerly.

“Oh, great,” Kakashi chuckles. “I’ll send you the rest of the paperwork through the post. Is that alright?”

“Yeah~” it’s dragged out. By this time, Sasuke’s eyes have closed and he chews on his lip so hard. The blush begins to run down his neck, sweat pooling by his temples.

“Okie, dokie, gotcha,” Kakashi says. “Okay, Sasuke. Have a great day! Maybe I’ll see you around here in a few days,” Kakashi chuckles. “Are you coming?

“Sure—“ Sasuke’s mouth falls into an open o and he’s not able to continue, as Naruto all but takes it all, his nose hitting the base of Sasuke’s stomach rhythmically. _No gag reflex? Oh fuck._

“Yes, I’m coming,” Sasuke continues. Both to the town and down Naruto’s throat, who swallows like he’s hungry for it, sticking out his tongue to save even the last of drops. “Come here, neko,” Sasuke chokes out, panting still, motioning for his lap. Naruto smiles, lips clad with saliva, reddened from the blowjob, as he slowly crawls into Sasuke’s lap, wrapping around his neck. The arms of the raven envelop his little waist, burying his face into the crook of his neck.

It’s not until Sasuke feels something wet and sticky touching his stomach that he departs, staring down. Naruto chuckles with a blush, embarrassed.

“Don’t tell me—“ the raven is both amused and slightly aroused, “Did you hump the mattress?”

“I might have, sorry~” Naruto’s voice is a sweet chirp which makes Sasuke think he’s adorable. The cum stained boxers are cute, too, with a frog imprint on them. Not exactly sexy, but cute after all.

“Fucker,” Sasuke leans up to peck his lips, “You should’ve given me the chance.”

“I couldn’t resist it,” a chuckle, “Are you upset?” Naruto cocks his head prettily, his blond fringe sticking to his forehead.

“Never,” Sasuke leans up again and pecks his lips one more time, his hand coming to palm Naruto’s oversensitive dick through the boxers. “Good boy,” he praises as Naruto shudders, back arching. Time seems to stop as they lean into each other, enjoying a slowed kiss, wet and never sloppy. _This is where I want to be._

*

“You’re glowing,” Tsunade says as she stacks up a stock of papers inside Naruto’s office. For the past two hours, they have been scanning patient lists, looking for the progress that was noted down. Although the clinic was owned by Naruto Uzumaki, he wasn’t the only active therapist here. Tsunade was his most faithful one, though, grown and with a lot of experience in order to almost be considered a rival to him.

“I’m in love,” Naruto says simply, to which Tsunade gives a motherly, content smile, closing her eyes as she comes over to pat his blond hair once.

“I can see that,” Tsunade chuckles, before she flicks the tip of Naruto’s nose. He protests with a yelp, hand immediately reaching out to the painful spot under Tsunade’s strong laughter. He’s still a kid to her and will always be, no matter how big his name is or how far he’s known by the public. “Who was it, again?”

“Sasuke Uchiha,” Naruto says dreamily, plopping down on the seat at his desk, catching his cheek in the palm of his hand as he looks away. “He’s been my goal for such a long time…”

“And you stole him away?” Tsunade raises one brow. The sunlight coming from outside complements the freshly orange painted walls. The office looks cozy and pretty.

“I didn’t steal him!” Naruto pouts with a frown, “Not my fault he wanted me, too. I actually followed along the process pretty well…” he thinks, “I have a part of fault in it, but hey,” he chuckles, “I guess I’m imperfect.”

“That’s what makes you human, Naruto,” Tsunade says. By now, she’s putting up the different therapy books and magazines on the shelves. They’ve redecorated.

“I know…” Naruto smiles softly, looking out the window. The sunlight is hurting his eyes. When he does speak again, it’s almost like he’s talking to himself, “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t.”

“And, how does this Sasuke Uchiha look like?”

“Oh,” Naruto perks up, looking at the blonde woman. “Well…” he’s dreamy again, “Onyx eyes, black hair… milky skin…” the explanation is not whole, so he adds more, “He’s pretty tall, lean, masculine, even though he has some sort of peculiar feminine beauty at times… I truly believe he’s not real at all. What if my imagination just made him up?”

“Oh, so now you have imaginary friends?” Tsunade looks at him, raising her brow again. Naruto laughs, leaning back into his chair as he crosses his legs under the desk.

“No, not at all… He’s so. Good, you know? I don’t know myself, actually… Something so terribly attracts me towards him. It has always been like this.”

“Does he remind you of Itachi?” Tsunade tries. Naruto freezes.

“Uhm, I don’t think so, I mean—I was pretty young when I met him,” tsunade knew about Itachi, but had no idea of his younger brother. Even so, she had guessed it’d be a brother ever since Naruto had mentioned the last name. “I don’t think it was exactly love, not with Itachi… but Sasuke’s face never left my mind. He’s just so—And his voice—“

“You’re blabbering,” Tsunade rolls her eyes, “Cut it out, fangirl.”

Naruto laughs whole-heartedly as he sits up and pads over to Tsunade, placing a hand upon her shoulder as he stares into her chocolate eyes. “He’s so beautiful. I swear he’s not real. You’ll know it when you see him. And if you see him, tell him I love him,” Naruto’s voice is clad with so much warmth that it surprises even Tsunade. She almost drops the book she was holding. Her face breaks out into a smile as she watches Naruto walk out of his office, happiness draped all over his shoulders which are not slouching anymore. He wears himself so proudly. He seems like he’s glad to be alive, to be here. Tsunade’s heart throbs with endearment. _The kid is finally happy._

Naruto could never imagine then, that he’d be uttering _And if you see him, tell him I love him,_ for pretty much the rest of his life. But all things burn, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst in the next chapter, beware. two more chapters and we're done, folks D:


	19. let down your guard

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sasuke’s arms are crossed over his chest as he leans his back against the hard wall of the freshly built building which he has recently bought for the clinic. The renovation is moving fast. Workers walk around them with paper plans in their hands, discussing options, occasionally asking Sasuke for approval on a few instances here and there, such as what paintings to hang up, where he wants his office et cetera.

“Yes,” Naruto answers, although he’s not _that sure_ about it, mostly because he cannot fathom what kind of reaction Itachi will have when he picks up his phone. Sasuke heaves a sigh, black eyes scanning Naruto’s tan face for any sign of hesitation which would play as saviour for the future awkward occasion.

“Alright,” Sasuke breaths defeatedly and pulls out his iphone, “Let’s hope he didn’t change his number.”

Naruto hums, staring expectantly at the smartphone inside of Sasuke’s thin, milky fingers.

“Does it bother you?” Sasuke has been scrolling through his contact list when Naruto's voice cut through both his silence and nervousness.

“No, Naruto,” the blond saw the smile on the raven’s lips, which he has tried really hard to bloom, “I trust you.”

_I trust you._ It makes Naruto more confident, more at peace. He feels liberated by the mention as he waits for Sasuke to read out Itachi's number so he can write it and, hencenforth, use it for what he has been needing to do for years.

*

Naruto’s hand trembles violently on his phone as he hides inside of his clinic in the bathroom, leaning forward over the sink. _Breathe,_ he has to remind himself as anxiety overtakes him, making his knees wobble. He resumed to staring at himself into the slightly dirty mirror as the call beeped in his eardrum. _Oh fuck,_ Naruto heaved a deep, shaky sigh, shutting his eyes tight. Right when he’s about to end the call, considering that Sasuke might have been right about Itachi changing his phone number, the latter responded with a low, “ _Who’s this?”_

Naruto bites his lip hard before he replies, “Naruto… Uzumaki. Can we—Can we talk?”

Silence dominates the other side.

“Please,” Naruto continues, opening his blue eyes. The reflection shows a blond man looking like he’s about to faint and it's none other than himself. He is alone. The paleness of his usually tan, whiskered-cheeks takes him by surprise. _Why am I so anxious?_

“Sure, Naruto,” _warmth._ Naruto’s heart leaps into his throat, making it hard for him to breathe. The memories of Itachi, back at the Uchiha home, whisk him away for a brief moment there, as Itachi’s voice reverberates into the speaker more, “Are you in Konoha?”

“Yes,” Naruto manages to choke out and feels so embarrassed at this lack of self-control. He’s a therapist, _for fuck’s sake._ But this was no time to beat himself up over it. It’s a delicate situation which he absolutely needs to deal with.

“Hm, okay,” Itachi’s voice resembles Sasuke’s for a second there, filling with masculinity, slightly hoarse, “When?”

“Uh,” Naruto looks around mindlessly, as if he was attempting to find the approval of someone, _anyone_. He doesn’t look too bad today and decides he wants to get this over with, so he proposes, “How about now? Can you?”

“Let me check,” from the little knowledge of Sasuke, Itachi has become a lawyer overtime. Naruto can hear the tall stocks of papers being ruffled as he probably scanned the schedule for the day. The older Uchiha was in Konoha only for one particular case involving a divorce. He travels a lot, though, so the blond might have been lucky to call exactly now. “I can. Where?”

“Aoi?” Naruto barely chokes out the name of a coffee shop in the centre of the town.

“Mm, alright. Then…” Itachi takes a break to think, “I’ll meet you there.”

Naruto is a little surprised at the man’s compliance. He didn’t hesitate or stutter, not even once, while Naruto was a walking mess. “Okay, see you there. I’ll get going.”

“Sure, Naruto,” warmth again. The blond feels a lump forming down his throat. “Goodbye.”

Naruto hums as a greeting, before hanging up. He drags his palms over his face exasperatedly. _What has gotten into me?_ He lets out a small groan that echoes. _I can’t do this._

But he goes to Aoi anyway.

*

“Naruto,” Itachi utters the name matter-of-factly, coming behind the blond who has been waiting for around ten minutes in front of the coffee shop. The fresh smell of beans and brew and the pretty morning all made Naruto feel a little bit at ease. However, when he whips around to face Itachi, a dark cloud of incessant anxiety washes over him again. He takes into Itachi’s deep tear-ducts, an indicator of how much stress he had been under, looking like he’s been in pain for a long time, or so Naruto figures, by his stern body movement.

“Itachi,” Naruto repeats, extending a trembling hand forward for Itachi to shake. He gulps when the brunet gives him a forced smile, long, black hair draped over the sides of his face like a curtain. Naruto has to ground himself before he speaks again, “Let’s go inside.”

To this day, Itachi hasn’t changed his cologne. It brings back memories.

*

“Are you nervous?” Itachi chuckles when they plop down in two opposing seats, a small, oak-made table between them. Naruto leans his forearms onto the wood, heaving a breath. There was no need to lie. Assertive communication, right?

“Yes, like Hell I am,” Naruto manages to laugh a little, quiet enough in order to not bother the other people who’re drinking their savorous morning coffee. He figures out that most of them are students, because they have their laptops with them and they’re taking brief notes on textbooks. Naruto thinks back to his college days with endearment.

“Don’t be,” Itachi says, pulling the menu into his hands. His deep, black eyes scan the different types of coffee, looking for one that wouldn’t be so sweet, but rather would work better with waking him up quickly, something strong. He picks Espresso. Noticing Naruto’s stare on him, he looks up, “Yes, Naruto. Ghosts are real. Order.”

The blond laughs at that and it reminds Itachi of the good old days.

“Sure, let me see…” Naruto reads fast, blue eyes moving down the list. “Macchiato.” _Of course he’d pick his favorite._ The blond places the menu back onto the table top then motions for the waiter to come over and help them. None of the men has time to waste around. Naruto told Sasuke to pick him up in thirty minutes, while Itachi sure was occupied with court.

“Good morning!” the waiter moves over, looking down at both of them with a polite grin. Perhaps, friendliness and sociability is a must-have to work here. He has a small notebook in his hand, ”What can I help you with?”

“I want a macchiato, and…”

“An Espresso, thank you,” Itachi completes the blond’s sentence.

“Alright. Oh, I forgot to mention. We have a special Valentine’s Day pack for couples, are you guys interested?”

“Oh, no, no,” Naruto raises his arms awkwardly, feeling Itachi tense up across from him, “We’re not a couple. Just coffee. Thank you,” 13th of February, one day away from Valentine's.

“Ten minutes,” the waiter utters with a smile, scribbling down the names on the notebook before he walks off, draped in the sunlight that prettily comes through the tall, glass windows of the coffee shop.

After a few moments of silence, Itachi is the one to initiate the conversation, because no matter how much Naruto turns the things over and over in his mind, he has no idea how to begin at all.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Naruto inhales sharply, but soft enough not to drag the attention of the others upon him. His eyes dart to the table top as he fiddles with his fingers. Now or never.

“Sasuke,” Naruto’s gaze rises from the table to take into Itachi’s totally not surprised face. He knew that Naruto wouldn’t have any other reason to speak to him, not after all these years. Itachi resumes to leaning back into his chair, eyes fixated on the blond, indirectly urging him to start. Naruto swears he sees an old pain spread on Itachi’s face but he doesn’t want to get emotional about it, not now when he has to own up to his mistake.

“Go on.”

In the meantime, the waiter comes back with the steaming coffees which he lays in front of each of them according to the order they’ve posed. Naruto nods as a thank you and the waiter retreats with a polite smile. _Now or never._

“I don’t know if you… if you’ve kept in contact with Sasuke over time—“

“I haven’t,” Itachi intervenes, voice firm. It surprises the blond. He doesn’t want to fight.

“Okay, so… Uhm,” Naruto clears his throat before he continues, “I didn’t think I’d be able to meet you like this, not after so much time at least,” the laugh he chokes out is awkward and nervous. Itachi watches him, now suddenly peaceful. “I’m in a relationship with him at the moment…”

Itachi sketches a small smile, “I know.” _He knows?_ Naruto’s eyes widen, demanding a continuation. “I mean, I actually didn’t know,” he breathes out a low chuckle, “But, back in the day, I saw the way you looked at him every time you came over and he was home. Although he was a troubled kid, so different from you, you never looked crooked upon him,” Itachi suddenly stops. “I apologize if I speak too much.”

“No,” Naruto intervenes rapidly, “It’s fine. You can… rant.”

“It’s not my place to do it,” Itachi laughs this time, wrapping his hand around the little Espresso cup. He takes a fast sip, “However. I’ve been… thinking about it for a long time. I couldn’t compete, it's fine.”

Naruto’s heart shatters at that.

“It’s not like that,” the blond protests, but his voice is quiet and collected. “It’s just… I think I wasn’t ready for a solid relationship. I haven’t really had, ever, a model, you know? Somebody to show me how that was supposed to be like, a family, a couple, anything,” Naruto finds his ramble incoherent, but Itachi seems to understand. “Even in college, when I decided to become a therapist… I had to learn it all from books, everything about relationships. It’s not like I’ve directly experienced it.”

“But you’re with Sasuke now,” Naruto hears an ounce of pain inside of Itachi’s voice. _Fuck._

“Yes, I am more comfortable now,” the blond throws him a sheepish smile. “And I’ve… I don’t know, I think I’ve been loving him for a long time now,” it’s hard for Itachi to listen, but he has to hear it, once and for all. The scene makes Naruto wonder if Sasuke’s brief talk with Sakura had felt the same.

“Was it intentional?” Naruto knows what Itachi is talking about.

“Honestly,” the blue eyes lock in those two onyx eyes, “I don’t know if it was or not. I don’t really remember what started it. It was sort of… irrepressible, my body moved on its own. I have no excuse for that at all, and I don’t intend to excuse myself either or Sasuke, for that matter,” the blond is smiling, “I wanted to apologize properly, I’m sorry, Itachi,” Naruto’s voice is quiet, almost fragile, “I hope you can forgive me, one day… Or never. It will all be the same in the end. _All things burn._ ”

Itachi is a little taken aback by the latest mention and his eyes move to stare out the window at the street crowded with people, each of them leading different lives, with their own pain and happiness, their experiences, their smiles and their tears. Everyone is so different, every life is so heavy… Itachi feels the burden on his shoulders lighter. The atmosphere is clad with a pink tone, specific for Konoha mornings. He sighs.

“I’ve forgiven you already,” Itachi allows himself to be vulnerable, “but I can’t forgive myself. Naruto,” his eyes lock inside those two blue, shiny orbs, “When you cheat on someone, it’s not only their perception of love that vanishes. Not only the trust. It’s like… a part of you has been taken away. You don’t trust anyone anymore, not even yourself. It takes a toll on you forever,” Naruto swallows thickly, “I don’t think you might understand.”

He’s at a loss of words.

“This is why—“ Itachi stops to breathe, “This is why I haven’t been in a relationship ever since… It’s not necessarily your fault, Naruto, but I don’t think I’ll ever properly heal from it. That’s what cheating does to someone. It’s… really terrible. To think on it.”

“I understand that,” Naruto speaks softly, then freezes when his phone rings briefly with a notification. It’s probably Sasuke, but he doesn’t check. It would be disrespectful to Itachi. They haven't seen each other in years.

“Did you love him then?” it’s a curiosity of Itachi’s which he has kept hidden for years. Naruto chews on his lip.

“I don’t think love is the right word for it. I do love him now, but back then, I think it began with just fascination…” he begins. Itachi’s heart throbs inside his ribcage. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come here. “It started out as fascination... but it’s not that, not anymore. I’d—“ Naruto’s fist clenches over the table top, “I’d give everything up for him.”

“Heh,” Itachi chuckles breathily in defeat. Naruto doesn’t know why the brunet suddenly seems endeared. “I guess I’ve lost. I really did love you, Naruto,” the blond feels his body go limp, “So, so hard and badly,” Itachi’s voice is as masculine and husky as ever, except it shakes by the end.

“I know,” Naruto’s voice is small, but he maintains the eye contact as he takes one long sip from his Macchiato. His throat has gone dry from the anxiety.

“So it started out physical?" Itachi asks, his black gaze falling over the apples of Naruto's cheeks. the whisker marks have never faded. 

"I... don't know, Itachi," Naruto bites his lip. "It might have, it might have not... The thing is, you know, Sasuke is currently married, but going through a divorce," the man cocks his head at that. "

"So your guilt rised again because of their separation and you decided to call me?"

"No," Naruto is honest, "I've been wishing to meet you for a ong time, but I had no idea where to start and you didn't give me a chance at it either. I was lost, I didn't know where or how to find you and I wasn't sure that you'd be wiling to listen to what I've got to say. From my humble understanding," _oh, therapist tone again,_ "you're not listening now either. And I get that, because you don't have to," the laughter is sort of... weird? Itachi is a bit creeped out. "You don't give a damn about me because you don't have to. But, I need you to know something,' Naruto's hands press flat against the table top as he leans forward. Itachi's eyebrows furrow. "I'm not a goddamned stone. I cared about you, a lot. Don't fuck your life up," this time his teeth are gritted, "because of a kid who couldn't keep it in his pants, Itachi."

It's the roughest thing Naruto has probably said to anyone, ever, especially on a domestic encounter like this. His blue eyes are firm when they lock into Itachi's. The mention of how Itachi hasn't been in a relationship ever since both angered and pained him. He hated seeing people willingly destroy themselves and tear their own hopes to the ground just because they are afraid. Normally, in therapy, Naruto would be more gentle about it, but this was personal and he allowed himself to express freely what he thought about. 

"I sometimes imagine what it'd feel like for Sasuke to cheat on me. With Sakura. And, I bet you can tell it's not accurate... I haven't experienced it, therefore I'll never be able to exactly pinpoint the weight of it, but--" Naruto inhales sharply, "I wouldn't throw myself away like that. For Sasuke's happiness? Alright, I would do anything. Any fucking thing. But if he dared, once, to make me feel horrible, I would walk away. Do the same, Itachi, don't burn yourself for others to stay warm," Naruto feels the control slowly slipping away as Itachi's eyes widen and become glazed over, probably with tears. 

"Never see me again, Itachi, go and live your life," Naruto speaks further with gritted teeth. Itachi has finished his short Espresso. "Please, go. Don't think about me again, no matter what it takes. All things burn, all things come to an end. If you ever see me again, tell me you hate me," it takes the brunet a few seconds before he processes what is happening. He blinks at a chuckling Naruto. 

"Can you... I don't know, hug me once?" Itachi speaks. 

Naruto softens a little as he rises to his feet, accepting the man's request. "Don't worry about the coffee," he refers to the payment, "It's on me," he continues as Itachi's arms wrap around him, familiar and warm, while Naruto's curl around the brunet's neck. Itachi is still taller than him. The blond swears he hears a soft whine resembling a quiet cry. 

"Go, Itachi," Naruto departs abruptly, his own eyes welling up with tears. The brunet nods and slowly walks back, before he disappears through the glass doors, eyes fixated on Naruto. 

When Itachi walks out, he's faced with a relaxed Sasuke, who smirks up at him. 


	20. and if you see him, tell him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm properly editing this later through the tears, lmao, I'M SORRY

“Hi, brother,” Sasuke begins, voice laced with both mischief, reminding a tensed up Itachi of Sasuke in his teenage years. His attitude hasn’t changed at all or so he figures. The raven looks at him intently, inspecting, as if to check for any signs of old age in his brother’s face. “Long time no see.”

Itachi swallows, “I could say the same,” Sasuke leans his head to the side, smugness remaining, “Hey, Sasuke, I’m in a hurry.”

“No worries,” the raven brushed past him, voice cold. Itachi looks over his shoulder as Naruto walks out of the coffee shop and cannot help the grin that hangs between his cheeks, curling his pretty lips. Sasuke suddenly softens and his hand comes to cup the blond’s cheek, all under Itachi’s gaze. The older Uchiha shudders at the image, before he gets going down the pavement. Neither of them gaze after him and Itachi remains a long lost memory, leaving faint traces of cologne behind.

“How did it go, neko?” Sasuke asks, leading Naruto to the car. The blond chuckles.

“Not that good as I expected. Or, I’d rather say, I don’t know how it went,” the conversation with Itachi has given him mixed feelings. He couldn’t figure out the person that once used to be so clear to him. “We only talked for a bit, I asked him to leave.”

“Oh, you did?” Sasuke is surprised as he opens the door of the car for Naruto to get in and he does.

“Yes,” Naruto speaks again when Sasuke enters the car and deftly turns on the engine. They’re supposed to go back to the raven’s future clinic. The blond has agreed to reference him a few therapists for the screening and the interviews. He has to get staff first. “It was… getting way too emotional for me. I’m not really—in a state to talk about it. Actually, I never want to talk about it again,” the car takes off and Naruto stares out the window, voice a quiet whisper, “It’s all in the past now.”

Sasuke hums, before turning on the radio. Soft, classical music wipes over the both of them, sending them back in time, albeit they pass by skyscrapers and everything modern. Naruto closes his eyes. He’s exhausted, tired—he almost lost control back at the table and hates himself for it. He could’ve handled it better, or at least that’s what he thinks about all the time. That no matter what he does, he could always do it better. But what’s this _better_ about? Naruto doesn’t know, drifting off to sleep slowly, forehead pressed against the window. Sasuke shots him a loving look, then keeps his eyes on the road. He’ll wake up Naruto when they arrive at the clinic.

*

A few weeks pass. Sasuke is done with picking out the staff of his clinic and decides he would retire for a bit from the psychiatrist job. Being a director has been much harder than he expected. Every single night when he arrived home in their new house which they’ve paid half and half for, a simple villa with two floors, he’d collapse right away and fall asleep on the spot, leaving a _bothered_ Naruto behind, although he’d make up for it every morning when he was rested. Over all, they are living a happy, simple life. Naruto occasionally makes it onto the tabloids with a case that he solves or a recommendation. Sasuke hasn’t heard from Sakura in a while, but they’re due for the divorce in April. They’ve discussed for a while about who gets to keep what and came to a common point. What he knows is that Sakura is going to an individual therapist now and spending the nights over at Rock Lee’s.

“Naruto?” Sasuke asks, coming into the kitchen, watching Naruto standing motionless next to the table. He’s looking down, no expression on his face. _What the hell?_ Sasuke approaches him slowly and drapes a hand over his shoulder, making him startle.

“Oh,” Naruto gasps, smiling lopsidedly at Sasuke. “Ah, sorry~”

The raven’s eyebrows furrow. _What?_ Naruto cards a hand through his blond hair before moving to the fridge. He opens it and stares mindlessly into it, not moving at all. Sasuke’s stomach churns.

“Naruto, are you okay?” the blond doesn’t respond, but he does move his hand forward and grabs a bottle of milk which he lifts up to his face to inspect. He startles again, but not from any noise this time.

“Sorry! I was… looking for something, I don’t remember what,” Sasuke freezes. He’s seriously starting to get creeped out by it. Something has to be wrong, because Naruto never acted like this before. The blond is usually attentive, calm and cheerful at times when he’s given attention—but now… Now something was off and Sasuke couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Are you hungry?” the brunet asks.

Naruto whips around on his heels, cocking his head, “You’re Sasuke, right?”

“Uh,” Sasuke’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Yes? Naruto… What’s wrong?”

The blond chuckles, “Oh, sorry!”

Sasuke gulps. _I hope it’s not what I believe it is._

*

“Tsunade,” Sasuke chokes out in a fast breath, rushing after the woman down on the corridor. He left Naruto at home, sleeping peacefully in their shared bed upstairs. He has suddenly wanted to take a nap and Sasuke let him even though he has missed an entire day of work, promising he’d be the one to announce at the clinic that he won’t be coming tomorrow either. He said he was tired.

“Sasuke,” Tsunade says with a small, natural frown of her brows, turning around. The corridor is lit by the orange sunset, reminding the brunet of his boyfriend. Sasuke heaves a few breaths to calm down after his run. This is the first place he thought he’d come to. “What’s going on? You’re… unusually pale, even for you,” she watches as Sasuke straightens up, “Did something happen?”

“Naruto,” Sasuke breathes, “He’s… been acting weirdly. It’s… He’s forgetting things. He asked about my name, it’s—“ Tsunade freezes, her eyes going wide. It doesn’t help Sasuke’s fear at all. “What? What is it?”

“Sasuke,” the woman swallows, almost dropping the clipboard on the floor. Her body goes completely limp and she can hear a buzzing noise in her ears as her pulse goes up. “There’s something you need to know about Naruto—“

Sasuke’s eyes widen.

“And… I’m afraid it finally happened. Let’s… let’s look through the records. I can’t find the strength to tell you. You’ll have to see it yourself.”

Sasuke nods briefly. _Anything for Naruto._ He follows a rushing Tsunade down the corridor and into a dark room which she switches the light on in.

*

Tsunade sits at a big desk, covered with clipboards that resembles hers. Sasuke stands right behind her, trying to hide the tremble of his fingers. _What could it be? What’s going on?_ his heart picked up a pace in his chest, beating so fast he felt light-headed as Tsunade fumbled within the papers, her own hands shaking. Sasuke gulped down hard as nausea crept up onto his throat, closing it, making it hard to breathe.

The blonde woman finally pulls out a paper with _Naruto Uzumaki_ written at the top, by his name resting the mention ‘Patient’. Sasuke sees black for a few moments and attempts to blink it away. Tsunade sighs deeply before she begins to speak,

“Read it. Naruto was a patient in Konoha for a while, at a psychiatrist called Omito Viarna, he was a Norwegian especially called here for this… I—I can’t, I’m sorry,” Tsunade suddenly sits up and rushes out of the room, hiding her tears, not before saying, “See it for yourself.”

The paper trembles in Sasuke’s fingers when he begins to read, making the short lecture even harder. His onyx eyes well up with tears.

_Uzumaki Namikaze Naruto, 23 years old, under Omito Viarna_

_MRI scans unclear; showing a few abnormalities; risk of Prefrontal Cortex and Hippocampus damage_

The paper crinkles in Sasuke’s hand as the first tear falls on top of it. _Fuck._ He knows what it is.

_Personality scan: Histrionic Personality Disorder_

_Indications: A pattern of excessive attention-seeking behaviours, indulging in unsafe sex, sex addiction, inappropriate seduction, homewrecker behaviour, excessive desire for approval, feelings of guilt, depression, hypomanic episodes_

Fuck. Sasuke bites down on his lip hard as he continues to read. _Did he ever love me?_

_Physical context: the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus show a predisposition to an early onset of…_

Sasuke stops, feeling like the rug has been pulled from under his feet.

_Anterograde amnesia. It’s not clearly stated when, but at some point, the patient will begin to not be able to retain any new information due to nothing but organic matters._ Sasuke begins to sob softly, slipping to the floor on his knees as he continues to read. _The disorder is inherited, hereditary, a peculiar and particular case which hasn’t still been documented clearly by science. Professor Omito Viarna is currently looking into it. The prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus will first begin to malfunction, making it hard for the patient to retain new information. Possible recovery is unlikely due to malformations._

Fuck.

Sasuke heaves a deep breath.

_The prefrontal cortex is affected already. The patient has made a few confessions about retrograde amnesia, declarative memory is suspected. Retrograde amnesia, short-term, made it possible for the MRI scans to be decided upon. Patient weighs about 55 kg, at a height of 1,78._

Sasuke’s tears are streaming down his face. Next, the paper gives out information upon Naruto’s background and upbringing, contains his signature and a few declarations that he agrees to being transported to a hospital in case of… anything. Sasuke’s throat tightens. The paper is dated a few years back, right after Naruto finished college.

_Anterograde amnesia._ Sasuke will never be able to ask him to marry him. He won’t remember. Sasuke will always have to remind him of who he is, of who they are, of what they mean to each other. Naruto will forget him, while staying three inches away from him… Sasuke’s heart aches as he takes the paper with him and walks out, heading home.

*

He finds Naruto awake, lying with his back against the slightly rised up pillows. His eyes dart to Sasuke when he enters the room. The raven’s eyes are bloodshot from the tears as he begins to take his clothes off slowly, unable to form a coherent sentence. Usually, Naruto would chirp and throw himself into his arms. Now, the blond was just staring at him from the bed, face curious, but still soft.

Sasuke is surprised to spot Naruto motioning with his hand for him. The raven, although it pains him, slowly walks to the bed and sits on the edge, looking in Naruto’s beautiful blue eyes. His heart keeps shattering the more he stares, the more he feels Naruto’s warm breath spread over the apples of his cheeks.

“Hey,” Naruto begins with a bright grin which falters shortly, “Have you seen Sasuke Uchiha?”

The raven swallows.

“If you see him, tell him I love him.”

Sasuke’s eyes go wide with Naruto’s grin. The blond chuckles before sliding under the pillows and closing his eyes. He falls asleep again, face peaceful. _What are you thinking about?_ Sasuke wonders as he brings a hand down to caress the soft strands of blond hair by Naruto’s ear, silky and warm. Naruto breathes softly as he sleeps. The raven, now shirtless, decides to _fuck the shower_ and slides under the covers next to Naruto, wrapping his arms around him.

For the rest of the night, Sasuke sobs, face wet and red. He cries himself to sleep.

*

“Did you know about it?” Sasuke’s voice reminds Kakashi Hatake of a dead man’s as he looks up at him over the table. They’re in Sasuke’s new clinic, now all shiny, white, decorated, ready to go into function. It happened right when he was getting his life together.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi begins, voice soft and pained, “I… I did. He just—Naruto didn’t want me to tell you about it. He… He said he’d tell you himself, when he was ready,” Sasuke’s face crumples with pain. “He didn’t even think that you’d choose him, in the end. He hoped to deal with this alone.”

“But… I don’t get it,” Sasuke utters, furrowing his eyebrows as his eyes shut tight, hands pulled into fists upon the desk top. Kakashi stands, while Sasuke is seated. “I don’t… understand. If it’s anterograde amnesia… Why can’t he remember my name? My face? Anything? Why do I have to remind him of it?”

Kakashi sighs, “You see. You might have read about it. It’s a peculiar case… he can remember sometimes. It can’t be categorized as retrograde amnesia, because that plays a small part in it, but it’s most certainly anterograde. He’ll never remember future days again,” Sasuke bites down hard onto his lip, trying to fight back the tears. “Are you going to leave him?”

Sasuke’s eyes widen suddenly, “Of course not! I break just thinking about it. No, never,” Sasuke is fast when he speaks, he rambles… “Never, never…”

“Sasuke, that’s enough,” Kakashi sighs. The first tear escapes. “Be strong. Are you… are you sure about this? The hospitalization?”

As much as it hurts Sasuke, he has to. “Yes, yes I am.”

“Alright, I will… I will go to fill up the reports. Is he here?”

“Yes, he is. He’s with Hinata downstairs,” Sasuke’s chest tightens. “In the emergency room. He… accidentally hurt himself today, I just—I can’t work and look after him at the same time. He can’t… work anymore either. It, it hurts me, Kakashi,” the grey-haired man has never seen Sasuke so broken, so vulnerable, “but I have to make sure we can keep on living decently. Someone has to bring the money,” the raven’s voice cracks by the end. _Fuck._

“Sasuke, don’t push yourself. It’s okay. Let’s… let’s hope, alright?”

“I don’t want him to ask me who I am everyday,” Sasuke is mostly talking to himself by now, “I want to hear him say that he loves me. I thought—I thought we’d be happy, I hoped—“ Kakashi walks over to Sasuke, who seems like a broken, confused kid, and wraps his arms around the raven’s head and shoulders, pulling him close. Sasuke all but crumbles down into a string of loud sobs. As he hugs him, the grey-haired man himself begins to cry, the tears disappearing into the black mask he keeps pulled up to his cheeks.

_Crumble like Rome for me._

*

“Naruto,” Sasuke whispers softly, stroking the hairs on the side of the blond’s head. The latter looks at him with a lovely shimmer in his eyes, tilting his head.

“Where am I?” the blond asks. They’re in the garden of Sasuke’s clinic, made for patient walks. Naruto has been hospitalized for two weeks now. It pains Sasuke the most to tell him every day where they are, what’s his name and what’s he doing here.

“In a good place, on good hands,” Sasuke whispers, black gaze washing over the blond who suddenly blushes and hides his face away. The raven represses a sigh. _He’s cute… He’s my baby._

“Yeah? I am?” Naruto chirps. His cheerful grin, despite living in a world of grey and disappearing memories, remains the same.

“Yes, you are,” Sasuke tries his best to fight back the tears.

“Then, I’m okay,” Naruto breaths, leaning against the bench. A blue butterfly flies over them and lands upon Naruto’s shoulder, but he’s unaware of it. Sasuke watches the little insect as it flaps its wings and takes off again. The garden is quiet. A few other patients are scattered here and there. Everyone wears white robes and everyone seems tired, sedated. Naruto is the only one who keeps a quiet smile, eyes closed. Sasuke scoots closer to him and rests his head on his shoulder.

_“Do you know Sasuke Uchiha?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“You do?! If you see him, tell him I love him.”_

Sasuke’s heart shatters once again, every day.

*

Sometimes Sasuke meets Naruto in the room he has at the clinic. He has been here for a year already, because there’s no one at home who can properly take care of him. Sometimes, he does come home—Sasuke brings him there every weekend. And, other times, Naruto initiates sex as well, which is weird to the raven. He asked Kakashi about it and the man replied that it was normal, that in fact Naruto’s instincts remained. However, Sasuke was always cautious about it, eventually kept it short and almost meaningless. Can you really get consent from someone who can’t remember who you are? Sasuke doesn’t know, he’s too tired to think about it.

One day when he walks inside the hospital room, Naruto stands up from his bed, wearing the white robe. His naked feet pat against the cold tiles of the room as he walks over to Sasuke, wraps his arms around his chest and buries his face into the crook of his neck, breathing softly. _What caused it?_ Sasuke thinks hopelessly. He hasn’t found an answer. No one has. _Hereditary?_ Debatable, not much is known about Naruto’s family. _From birth?_ Maybe. No one has documented anterograde amnesia so closely. Contacting Omito Viarna happened—but other than what has been written on the paper, he didn’t find anything else.

Suddenly, Naruto leans up, lifting himself on his cold tip toes, to peck Sasuke’s lips. Sasuke freezes, kisses back, then glances down at Naruto. He’s already prepared when the blond opens his mouth to say: _“Do you know Sasuke Uchiha?”_ He has been saying it for a year and a bit. Sasuke wondered… where does this vulnerability come from? Why does he only say this?

_He might be afraid to lose you. It can cause a tic._

Sasuke sighs into Naruto’s soft blond hair. _Have faith._ Kakashi said there was hope that his memory will come back one day, although too small, too meaningless. _There is hope. God, please._ Sasuke has never seriously begged to the divine power before, but now he wants to kneel in front of it. _There’s a chance, there’s a chance… there must be a chance._

_Epilogue_

_Twenty years later_

The cemetery is quiet, apart from the birds who sing-song an old melody, resting on top of the white crosses. The light blond of Naruto’s hair has begun to whiten, making his tan skin stand out even more. He drags his soles against the ground on the main alleyway, a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a peaceful smile on his face as he walks and walks and walks… He still didn’t get there. He had a few more graves to pass by.

“Sasuke!!!” Naruto yells out cheerfully, looking skyward. “Where are you, huh?” he laughs, looking forward again, “Don’t hide from me~” his feet drag harder against the cobbled alleyway, making noises. There’s no one in sight. Naruto hums a little song as he strolls. _There it is!_ He thinks, rushing to the grave and plopping down on the little bench placed in front of it. His face remained youthful over time, although a few wrinkles covered his forehead.

He sits up suddenly from the bench, reading the first name on the grave: _Sasuke…_

“Sasuke, don’t hide from me!” Naruto chuckles. He has forgotten. _Oh._

He kneels next to the grave and lets his cheek fall upon the cold marble as he looks at the little flowers that grow from the exposed ground. He sighs softly, closing his eyes. Nothing bothers him anymore.

He almost falls asleep until a hand grabs his shoulder. Naruto’s eyes open, he jolts once and his gaze darts in the direction of the touch, then follows the person. Those onyx eyes pierce into his blue ones, lovely and warm. 

“Naruto, that’s enough,” the blond shudders. A sharp headache overtakes him, like a bolt of lightning and he groans, dirt on his face from the marble. He looks up again after a few moments of silence and a big grin spreads on his face as he stands to his feet, feeling a pair of arms snake around his waist. “Let’s go home,” Sasuke whispers into Naruto’s shoulder, “I’ve already laid flowers for Itachi, dobe. This grave belongs to Sasuke Tobira, what are you doing at a stranger’s monument?” the raven chuckles. He has gotten used to Naruto being like this over the years.

Naruto blinks as he departs and his hands come up to stroke Sasuke’s cheeks. Getting older didn’t do anything to Sasuke’s face—he remained beautiful as ever.

Naruto blinks again, his eyes beginning to shimmer weirdly. He opens his mouth to talk. Sasuke knows what comes after, he has been hearing it for too long, except he doesn’t.

“And if you see him,” Naruto begins, leaning in close, breath fawning over the raven’s wet, plump lips, blue eyes turning grey from the sunlight, “tell him I came back.”

Sasuke’s soft, onyx eyes fill up with tears, his legs almost giving out, “What?”

“I love you, Sasuke,” Naruto’s voice is small as he presses his forehead on the man’s. It’s the first time the raven’s heard it in way too many years. The sunlight washes over them as Naruto initiates a deep kiss that feels alive and present for the first time.

The cemetery falls quiet around them.

“Do you know who I am?”

Naruto chuckles, “My first love. Sasuke Uchiha.” _What? What caused it? How did he… remember?_ Sasuke watches him with disbelief, hands trembling as Naruto laughs up at him, snaking his arms around his neck, still holding the bouquet. “Oh, I almost forgot~” the joke makes Sasuke snort. “Here,” Naruto plucks out one rose from the bouquet and hands it to Sasuke. The trembling hand grasps it.

“Don’t cry,” Naruto pleads, as the tears stream down Sasuke’s face.

“How could I not?” Sasuke chokes out. Naruto gives him a sheepish smile before he jumps into his arms, dropping the bouquet to the ground. Sasuke hugs him tightly.

He doesn’t know when he might lose him again, but it’s enough for now. _Please, stay as long as you can,_ Sasuke thinks as Naruto tightens their embrace, legs wrapped around the raven’s waist. It’s a peculiar scene for a cemetery, or so the raven believes.

“Teme,” Naruto whispers with a sigh, placing a soft kiss on Sasuke’s neck.

_It’s okay, you just forgot who you are. You’ve conquered Rome anyway. Welcome back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :D
> 
> This story has come to an end. Thank you for everyone who read it! It's been a pleasure to tell their story.
> 
> Author’s thoughts:   
> This has been a truly long (kinda?) emotional journey, haha. Since someone mentioned that they are currently dealing with the same thing at home, I feel the need to give a few points of view.  
> This story focused on portraying borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder in patients.  
> Both Sasuke and Sakura were dealing with BPD, while Naruto dealt with Histrionic personality disorder. I am a fellow patient, diagnosed with BPD, and tried to portray a part of the struggles that one passes when they are suffering from this. (Don’t worry, I’m much better now)  
> I have also dealt with my grandmother’s recent passing last summer, with the struggles of amnesia and how it takes a toll on your loved ones. This has been heavy, the happy ending wasn’t supposed to happen haha, but I switched last minute because I wanted this story to be compensatory for those who want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though this story is left for the reader to interpret. Both sasuke and Naruto could be hallucinating each other’s presence, for example. It’s hard to tell, but this is dealing with psychology after all. It’s not meant to explain, it’s meant to show and portray.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck by me with this! And also a thanks to future readers who are going to give this story a chance. Much love to all of you, besties


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